2025-04-18 08:54:00
I've been building trackmania maps a lot recently. A few maps, a lot of work.
And I kind of love it.
But then today, I send a couple maps to map review, get not the best feedback, and feel really down about it. I also might be a little burnt out on mapping.
These are maps I'm really proud of though.
And then the day goes on and it strikes me (as is often the case) how unimportant the things I do are. I build trackmania maps, play Rocket League, or some other game.
I wanna buy this game AviAssembly because it looked pretty fun & satisfying, but like why? I have a billion other games already, I'll knock it around for a few hours, and then be done, like I am with all the other ones.
It's an incremental game which will give me a sense of progression. I like that.
But where's my progression in real life?
A couple weeks ago I was feeling determined. I was working on my software. i did some writing, printed some anti-fascist flyers, and went to a protest.
And then I crashed. It's been like 12 days since then and I've barely had it in me to do anything meaningful with my time. I can't write. I can't code. I can barely do chores.
And I'm gearing up for a busy weekend. Helping Bestie move, seeing family that's in town, and doing easter.
So I skipped the gym this week, as to not overload myself with all these activities.
I will be overloaded.
Anyway, it's like my last free day until Monday. I'm basically just all used up for the next 3 days. And I'm like ... wanting to get the best out of my time. But I'm bored of my games. And I don't want to do anything meaningful cuz I really don't have the energy to spare.
Should I just get the game? being poor sucks.
2025-04-10 08:33:00
Us: talking about our local history room at the library, and how they're working on diversifying the collection, with regard to women, people of color, and queers
Them: Something about how all the focus on trans and black rights is leaving women's rights out of focus
Me: "No they're not!" I say loudly, defensively.
Hearing that, I felt like black and queer folks were being other'd and blamed for issues that women deal with.
I felt like marginalized groups (one of which I belong to) were being attacked.
I checked myself and tried to approach with curiosity. I acknowledged that in my circles, this hasn't been the case, not what I've seen. "But in your circles, in what you see, it apparently is?"
I don't know if they were blaming queer folks or having a negative attitude toward black rights. I didn't ask, too blinded by my pain to see their pain. I might have misinterpreted their tone and statement.
I want to be better at approaching these situations with curiosity and kindness. It could have been so much more interesting if I'd asked questions and tried to understand both what they think and why. It would have been more fruitful for both of us.
I should forgive myself for my mistake. Perhaps I can bring this up later. I actually am curious.
Chapter 8 or 9 of Antiracism as daily practice by Jennifer Harvey discussed issues like these.
2025-04-08 00:06:55
The PHP programming language is constantly being improved, with new features added, some old features changed or removed.
I've developed LOTS of PHP code, various libraries for various things over the years.
Last time I upgraded their PHP support it was from 7.4 to 8.1, and I did so because PHP 7.4 no longer was receiving security updates.
Well after December this year, php 8.1 will stop receiving security updates. So I've gotta make sure all of my software is php 8.4 compatible.
I could go to 8.2 but then I'd be going through this rigamaroll again next year. If I go straight to 8.4, then I've got until Dec 2028.
It's manageable, but it's a pain in the ass too. There's likely not many backward-incompatible breaking changes from 8.1 to 8.4 (there were quite a few from 7.4 to 8.1), but it's still annoying.
Gotta install 8.4, and at least run tests. And then what if there are backward-breaking changes for 8.4 and now someone on 8.2 can't use my library?
Nobody uses my libraries anyway, pretty sure, but STILL.
It's annoying.
Some of the changes are genuinely good changes, though. Many are not impactful to me. Some are ... good but things I don't care to learn. Idk, I know how to code what I know how to code and it's been working for me for a long time.
But ALSO, I have a library that parses PHP code and ... well that'll break with new versions and it's a bit of a chore to update it.
2025-04-07 10:23:22
I've seen several bloggers start post titles with "on", like on doing the right thing | 35gcs and on writing about my mental health on Bear | tala's blog
and i've written some posts like this like on suicidality and on being nonbinary
and 35gcs's posts all start with 'on'.
There's something intriguing about it, the "on ..." posts.
I like it
2025-04-07 02:09:00
Protest is speech, not power.
It influences legislators, business owners, workers, and community members. It can inspire action.
But protest does not hold power, because it does not disrupt business-as-usual. Government stays open, streets stay open, businesses stay open, schools stay open.
Strikes are power, not speech.
They disrupt daily life. They disrupt business.
If grocery workers strike in unity against fascism, the grocery store closes during the strike. If teachers strike in unity against fascism, kids don't have a school to go to, and parents have to make arrangements or take time off work.
This is power.
We're not fighting speech. We're fighting power. And we need power.
We need workers organizing and striking, putting pressure on companies to stand against fascism by disrupting our daily lives and disrupting business as usual.
But if striking isn't for you, here's some other ideas
2025-04-04 02:01:17
Trump is saying that other countries are raping and pillaging our country, with regard to the tariffs he's imposing.
Our domestic billionaires are raping and pillaging our country.
Blaming other countries is a distraction from the abysmal pro-corporate and pro-greed policies that America has.
It's somehow never the fault of the rich white men who actually hold the power.
It's somehow always someone else's fault.
