ReedyBearModify

2025-05-08 11:24:00

A woman today asked me for "change", then said "ten or twenty dollars". I offered her a single dollar. She cried and begged. I gave her the dollar, she said "that's crazy", and I walked away.

I'm poor and disabled. I eat thanks to government assistance, and my mom gives me $25 a week so I can have some quality of life (she says it's for taking care of the cats, but it's really just to support me).

I bought Drop Duchy today, for $14.

So I asked myself: Is this $14 video game more important (to me) than whatever she needed the money for?

And, yeah, I guess it is.

And that feels kinda yucky.

Idk, my general policy with giving is that I'll give $1 or $2, because I really am very poor. And I stick to that. Sometimes I'm not feeling generous, or my funds are extra tight so I give nothing. Once in awhile, I will give a $5, but it is rare.

If I worked and had good money, I'd probably hand out $20 bills though. But idunno.

I think it is worth reflecting on, though - the way we value our own (and others') needs. Hm. Idunner.

2025-05-06 10:28:00

when you hit the cue ball off the rail and then into an object ball in pool.

i couldn't remember what it was called, but I knew it wasn't a bank shot (which is when you hit the object ball first and then the object ball bounces off a rail).

I had to ask chat gpt because clicking two articles that listed bank but not kick was already too much effort.

P.S. Best friend visited me yesterday and we played a bunch of pool. It was a belated celebration of my birthday :D

2025-05-05 11:45:00

I played a game of 3v3 Rocket League. I'm a VERY low diamond, basically a plat pretending to be diamond lol.

And I've recently been a very patient, very conservative, safe & supportive player. I don't double-commit. I go for the ball, then rotate out so my teammates can go. I wait in the backfield while my mates go for an offensive play. I defend when the ball goes our way, or I rotate in as they rotate out.

This is my general playstyle lately. It's pretty common for players to be much more aggressive, to ball chase, to double-commit, to focus on offense and getting impressive touches.

I support those players by playing how I do. Those players shine when they have someone like me to get good clears, and follow up their bad challenges, and stuff. Players like me shine when those players are present to actually get the goals.

This has been working pretty well for me recently, reaching peak rank a few times.

(Note: Being a team game, this doesn't always work. Players have different playstyles, so sometimes we're just not in sync and shit doesn't work. We were actually up in goals when my teammate started being an asshole. Like we were having successful plays and then they were mean to me. But we also weren't all that in sync. Their playstyle, while fairly aggressive, just didn't seem to sync up with mine.)

Well somebody was a DICK. They were like "Why are you just driving around?" (I wasn't). Or "Hit the ball" (I did, plenty). and other comments of the like. "[something something] like you have no concern" (I'm not concerned. Losses are okay. I'm trying though)

At the end, we had some back and forth, where I told them to be a good sport. I said I'm kind and have friends. They said "you're playing solo". blah blah.

They were dicks.

And then I obsess. About the things I didn't say, the things I could have said, the shreds of truth in some of what they said (yes, I did whiff sometimes, and wasn't a perfect player), and in my head I'm defending myself against basically every single one of their remarks.

It's exhausting.

I want to just be like "They were dicks" and move on. I don't want to obsess. I don't want to figure out how I could have handled it better. I don't want to analyze their remarks.

So I guess this is something I'm going to try to work on. When my brain is obsessing about these social situations, and how I could have performed them a little better, or whatever ... I just wanna not. Not think about it. Let it go. Breathe. Focus on what I'm doing. Let the shitty thing be shitty, and know that there will be more shitty things, and no amount of practice, no amount of obsession will save me from that.

They were dicks. Somebody else will be a dick again. Most people are actually quite nice in Rocket League though, at least in my experience. More niceness than meanness, I'd say.

But yeah. No matter how much I prep, somebody is going to be mean to me again. I can't stop it. And i can't fix the people who are being mean.

And in realizing that, I need to practice ... not obsessing about it.

Wish me luck!

2025-05-02 10:31:00

I went on a walk today, and a cop parked near a playground, on a pedestrian path. At first, he refused to give me any details as to why he was there, but after pressing he did disclose that there were phone calls about kids doing something illegal at the park. He would not share what the allegations were.

I sent the following Freedom of Information Act request to my local park district to find out more information. Since this post is published online, I'm redacting any information regarding my area.

Hello,

Under [my state's] FOIA law, I submit the following request:

On May 1, 2025 between, roughly 3:30 pm and 4:00 pm I spoke with Officer [redacted] at [redacted] park. He was parked in his car on a pedestrian portion of the park.

He said he was there because there had been some calls about kids doing something illegal in the park, and he wanted to be there to catch them. He refused to disclose more information, despite my multiple requests and my assertion that I have a right to know this information.

For the record, I would likely not be sending this request if he had been forthcoming and told me what kind of illegal activity he was watching for. At the very least, I just wanted to know so I could share an informed opinion with him, with regard to the enforcement of law in my community. I suspect he will see this email, so I will say this: Preventing violent crime against other people is good, but if these kids are just smoking weed or doing minor vandalism like graffiti, I don't think arrest or criminal charges would be beneficial for them or for our community, and talking to parents and other adults in their lives (like teachers or youth leaders) and finding healthier activites for the kids to engage in would be better.

With regard to this, I request:

1. Any calls, emails, or other communications from the public regarding the alleged illegal activity that he was watching for, as well as a transcript of those calls. (If transcripts do not exist, audio recordings will be acceptable)
2. Any in-department communications regarding those alleged illegal activities. These records may include memos, emails, text messages, dispatches, orders to patrol, or other communications not listed here. If there are private messaging systems within the department, these should be searched as well.
3. Any police reports regarding these alleged illegal activites or any enforcement efforts with regard to them.
4. Any relevant text messages, emails, or other written communications within 30 minutes after my interaction with Officer [redacted]. Such records would have been messages sent by Officer [redacted] and should include any replies to those messages, if they exist. His personal cell phone and email account should be searched for messages as well. His body cam footage and in-car dash cam footage can be reviewed to see if he made any walkie-talkie or phone communications with regard to our interaction or the alleged illegal activity he is watching for.
5. Walkie-talkie communication directing Officer [redacted] to go to [redacted] park. For the walkie-talkie communications, you may limit the search to all of May 1, 2025 if there are transcripts or personnel is able to direct you to a reasonable time period to search. If there is only audio and such communications cannot be pinpointed by personnel, you may restrict the search to 2:30pm or afterward on May 1, 2025. This review should include a review of his Body Cam footage and audio or in-car dash footage and audio.

If camera and audio review is deemed unduly burdensome, then please scratch those aspects from this request and perform the remainder of the search. If audio portions have transcripts for them, the transcripts may be reviewed rather than the audio/video. At this time, I do not need body cam footage from my interaction with Officer [redacted].

Thank you, Reed [redacted]

2025-05-01 12:11:00

I've been going to the gym since I was diagnosed with osteopenia (and also finally because I got through the red tape to get my health insurance to pay for it), and my strength has improved a lot, my pain has decreased, but a few weeks ago it really struck me how poor my endurance was.

I was doing some workouts without machines. Jumping jacks, step-ups (onto a step!), light dumbell stuff, idk what else, maybe some core stuff. And boy it just fricken killed me. 30 minutes in and I was cooked.

So I've been wanting to improve my endurance, so I jogged the last couple times. It was kinda rough, but I'd jog for one or two minutes then walk until my body got it's shit together, then jog sumore.

Well today, I jogged for about 17 minutes straight, and went like 1.1 or 1.2 miles! Didn't ever slow down. Never walked.

I got a cramp in my side, but it's a familiar running pain, nothing to be worried about, not when it's mild. I hit my mile, and I just kept going. I'd really zoned in on a point in the gym to stare at (the top of some squatting equipment), and I had one Billy Eilish song on repeat (Happier Than Ever (Edit)).

Well I finally decided to stop because my FOOT started hurting. And it was pain. Like "don't do that any more" pain. It was fine, no injury, but my foot was done being run on. Cooled down by walking for five minutes, then got on with another 50 minutes of working out. (foot pain stopped as soon as I stopped running)

Anyway. That's a real excite for me. Feels like I'm making progress on the endurance side of things. And working out has been pretty enjoyable lately. I haven't really been using much equipment.

For awhile, it was all equipment - hip abductors, leg press, arm/chest pull thingies, whatever.

Recently, I'm liking the non-equipment things, spending my whole gym time in roughly one spot. (Yes, dumbells and steps are both equipment, whatever.)

Oh! And I've been doing headstands! :D I love doing headstands.

I've been going for just one hour at a time. Today was like 1 hour 15 or 20 minutes. I want to start going like 30 minutes early so I can run before I work out. I didn't really have enough time today, yaknow?

But then again, I was kinda done by the time I left. I'd kinda had enough.

(Actually, did I go for more than an hour? I'm fuzzy about what time I left. Conflicting memories)

2025-04-29 00:38:00

I build a lot of maps and submit them to Weekly Shorts, an official mode in Trackmania. I also review a lot of others' maps. I've been struggling to figure out how to rate maps consistently and (somewhat) fairly.

Here is (roughly) my current rating system. (There are always edge cases between two ratings, and when there is an edge case it is just up to my gut):

• ++: Maps that I really love. Unique and interesting routes. Good quality of life features (flag poles indicating where your tires would clip, good respawns, good speed management, good arrow placement). Good scenery. Maps can get 5* if I just really love the route, even with other criteria not being met.
• +: A map that probably deserves to be in Weekly Shorts, but just isn't my cup of tea. Good route, good scenery, good quality of life. Route kind of interesting, but maybe not my cup of tea, or maybe just not unique enough. or May contain minor QoL issues, like some bits being a little too hard / not enough space for difficult sections, or needing a couple more arrows. Some not-my-cup-of-tea maps can get bumped to 5* for being extremely high quality.
• ±: Doesn't quite deserve a 2* and doesn't quite deserve a 4*. ("deserve" is a loaded word and I recognize this rating system is very subjective)
• -: Really basic maps that are of reasonable quality. Maps I would never want to see in Weekly Shorts, but that I recognize took some effort. They have scenery, the route works, quality of life features are present, but it's just a boringggg map. or 1* maps can be upgraded to 2* by having genuinely interesting or fun routes.
• --: Low-effort maps with almost no scenery, routes that don't work, broken features, lacking quality of life features (such as needing (but not having) flag-posts to indicate where a ledge clip is), and that aren't fun.&nbsp

I also sometimes give 4* or 5* to objectively bad maps that I really enjoy, taking into consideration that most reviewers will rate them poorly, so my vote is kind of coming from a "personal enjoyment" place rather than "this is a good map".

An additional consideration is relative ratings. If I just played a tech map that is a 5* that I truly love, then another tech map comes through that I really like ... it's not going to get a 5* because I'm like "I definitely pick that other map over this one".

These relative ratings pain me sometimes, but the whole point is to help Nadeo decide which maps to put in the official Weekly Shorts mode, so I feel it's important to use my discretion.

(Earlier ramblings before I devised the rating system)

I build and submit a lot of maps to Trackmania's Weekly Shorts format. I also rate a lot of others' maps.

Weekly Shorts is a newer format, but Track of the Day has been around since I started playing. I rated maps a bit more objectively for TOTD, on a scale from 1-5 based on how good the individual map is.

But I find myself rating Weekly Shorts maps relative to other Weekly Shorts maps, and I think I'm going to go more in that direction.

(Edit: At this point, I'd probably down-rate some TOTD submissions for being boring or too normal or whatever. I'm sick of boring normal maps, we need more variety, more interesting tracks. I skip COTD somewhat regularly because good maps are too boring or standard for my taste. I can't ++ those maps any more)

It's tough. There are some really high quality maps that ... just aren't as good as other maps I played. And my judgements are becoming more subjective, more about my preferences as time goes on.

For quite some time, I refuse to give 5* to a map that I don't personally love, but it was easy to get a 4* from me. As long as the map has good scenery, a well-made (not janky) route, and working checkpoints, it could pretty much get a 4*.

Now I find myself giving 3* and occasionally 2* to maps that I think are actually pretty good maps.

And a big part of that is how boring some maps are. I don't think they're bad, but I find them dull.

Other reviewers are also influencing me on this. I make some really interesting, unique maps, and they get down-voted a lot. It's not because the routes are poorly designed, or because of the scenery, or any real quality issues, as far as I can tell. It's because of style-preferences of map reviewers.

There seem to be large numbers of players who prefer ... basic maps. And these are the reviewers that I think I primarily contend with.

So, I want to give 1* to basic maps. I hate seeing basic maps in Weekly Shorts. They're boring to play, not fun to hunt, and they make bad YouTube content too (I watch 3 different YouTubers play Weekly Shorts).

But here's a problem. I don't have the heart to give a map 1* or 2* most of the time. I can typically recognize the effort that went into a map, and 1* (and sorta 2*) is kinda reserved for maps that are bad because they're low effort, not maps that are bad because I don't like the style/design they chose.