2025-03-09 12:01:00
In his latest video, Adam teaches how to make a good, cheap bean-dish. I dig it.
He says he likes living in a system that promotes hard work and innovation, but thinks resources should be distributed more fairly.
He and his wife bought a house that had an old, large fridge. They replaced their old fridge and either had to get a $15,000 fridge or hire a carpenter to build new cabinets for them, to fill the empty space.
He says he wants a system that more fairly distributes resources.
But there is a system with the capacity to more fairly distribute resources, but he chose not to utilize it.
We have infrastructure for donations, for wealthy people to give money to poor people. These systems are flawed, sure, but they do exist.
He should put his money where his mouth is, and so should every other person who believes this and can reasonably afford it.
If you want your taxes to be increased to help pay for services for poor people, you should find a non-profit that serves poor people and give them money.
I also want the government to do a better job of regulating wealth and ensuring better quality of life for poor people. Government should be doing this job, in my view.
But also, blaming the government for your personal choice to hoard wealth is a cop-out. Buy a $2,000 fridge, and donate $13,000. Or maybe spend another $2,000 on cabinet work and donate $11,000. Put your money where your mouth is. You don't need a $15,000 fridge.
Now. I'm not sure that I'm better, or that I'd be better if I were wealthy. There's many, many times that I've driven past the beggar when I could have spared a dollar. I've spent money on video games, when I could've given $5 to a homeless person. (I do actually give money to beggars with some regularity, but probably not as much as I could spare)
I can talk about how little I have to spend ($100 a month), but I'm still in a boat where I do have something I could spare. Where do I draw the line? When is my wealth (I have a vehicle and a house and state-funded medical insurance and food stamps) going to be enough that I share with poor people?
I don't know.
But I sure hope if I had a million dollars ... well I hope I wouldn't have a million dollars, actually. I don't need that much. If I were a millionaire (not counting retirement), I hope I would give away enough money/resources (or pay people to provide enough services) that I would no longer be a millionaire.
I like Adam Ragusea. I don't mean this post as a judgement of his character. I mean it is a call to personal responsibility. When you say you believe in something, check yourself. Do your actions reflect that?
In this case, Adam's actions do not reflect the values he spoke about.
Adam also is a professional cooking YouTuber so having a presentable kitchen has added value that may not be relevant to others. He didn't talk about this, but I think it's worth considering. He's also invested in a pizza business (time, and I think some money too) which will create some jobs and distribute some resources through work. I think this is good. And he might donate money to charities, or to poor family members and friends.
Again, I'm not interested in attacking his character here. I'm interested in the broad picture of taking responsibility for our values, and for not outsourcing them to Government (or blaming government) when there's something we can actually do ourselves.
2025-03-07 10:41:00
Playing Rocket League, partied up with a couple strangers, one of them says something about how we left racism in the 1800s.
I'm immediately uncomfortable.
I need to say something.
I can't just let them say racism is done.
I'm just trying to play my game.
I don't want to make this tense.
I don't want to have a confrontation.
"For the record, there's still tons of racism in 2025" i say.
We finish the game in silence.
They were chatty before that.
It was uncomfortable. I don't always have the capacity for dealing with that discomfort.
Jennifer Harvey writes about the importance of discussing white discomfort, and how we have a tendency to shove that discomfort down.
I shouldn't be complaining about this, you might say. Racism is a bigger problem. My feelings don't matter, you might think.
But they do matter. Yes, you and I should stand up against racism when we can. But also, the discomfort we feel when we do also matters. Alienating yourself from your friend group or family or workplace or community matters. It's a sacrifice. It's real, and it is a consequence of white supremacy and of racism.
It should be acknowledged. We (friends, white people) should support each other in it. And when we have the capacity to, we should suffer the discomfort in order to be anti-racist, no matter how small the act is.
Back to my feelings, because I managed to gloss over them in talking about how our discomfort matters.
I was having fun, chilling, enjoying myself. And then I was uncomfy, I got hot and worked up and wasn't having a very good time any more. And that sucks.
It doesn't suck as much as [insert racist thing], but it does suck. I'll do it again though.
2025-03-07 09:22:00
the brain goes hocus pocus
after 30 minutes focus
it's the pain inside
filling my mind
every fiber aches
each muscle begs
to give up.
it's not the work,
it's the hours of tape
on rewind
the movie playing in my mind
louder than the brights
you see on long nights
it's not the work,
It's the pain I can't shake
the needles inside
the fog in my mind
the ache i can't shake.
it's not the work,
free me
from this pressure
the failure
the not-being-good-enough.
it's not the work,
I would if I could
I have dreams too
i want more
but it's not the work
that keeps me inside
not the work
from which I hide
it's the pain inside,
the pain you can't see,
the claws under my skin
the pain i feel within
it's not the work.
2025-03-07 08:42:45
I've been almost completely checked-out from the news for about 4 weeks now. Last time I read a bunch of stories it was to decide if Fascism had actually landed in my country. I determined that it had, but it hadn't taken over yet.
Since then, I haven't really been reading the news. My mental has been bad (because of chronic issues, not because of the news), and I haven't had the capacity to read or listen to commentary or stay meaningfully informed.
But I think this period of mental reprieve is lifting. I just read my first news article in weeks. DOGE is closing some federal government buildings in my area, and it sounds bad.
But the article left a lot of questions unanswered, like ... are the buildings in use? What are workers in those buildings doing? If they're closed, what will happen to the work that was being done?
My first instinct is to look up the answers to all of these questions for each of the 6 buildings listed in the article. But I feel overwhelmed and somewhat panicked thinking about doing that work. I have an anxiety disorder, after all.
Either way, I can feel the need for reprieve waning. But how much of the stress of news can I really handle? How can I keep myself well while keeping up? If all I'm doing is reading miserable news and having mental health episodes, then my being-informed isn't actually accomplishing anything.
So I will need to move forward keeping that in mind. It's more important that I make some noise about the presence of fascism than that I know every terrible news story coming from our fascist government.
Whatever sect of society you're in, I encourage you to resist the terrible shit that's happening. Don't rat on your community members. Defy mandates telling you not to teach LGBTQIA+ history. Resign if you're a cop or soldier who's ordered to enforce unjust fascist mandates. Talk to your friends and family about these things. Stand on the street with a "Fascism is here" sign. Do something if you can.
Me? I guess I'm blogging for now. I still want to make "Fascism is here" flyers to spread at the grocery store and other places I go. I still want to stand on the street with a sign. But man, I'm disabled and we need able-bodied able-minded folks to fucking do something. People like me need people like you to fucking do something. Please.
2025-03-06 11:45:00
I do not know what a soul is, but a soul is all I am.
I am not the body, nor the mind, nor the thoughts within.
I'm not the chemicals in my eyes, nor the wires in my brain.
I believe my mom and my cat and my best friend have a soul.
I wonder about the plants and the ants and the birds and bees, or the objects with no minds at all.
I know I have a soul because I experience. I know no other way to know a soul.
I don't know them to be divine. They may be merely of the mind. But low and behold, I do believe I am a soul.
2025-03-06 11:35:00
I've been sick this last week, so its been TV and video games and TV and video games.
My mental has been bad the last 3-4 weeks prior, so it was ... TV and games and TV and games, with some outings, some gym, some library.
I love games, I enjoy TV, but its leaving me feeling empty.
Nights are long and boring. Sure I could code or write or something. But i'm too sick or too depressed or just don't feel like it.
So its TV and games, TV and games.
I cleaned my "desk" and table today between TV & games.
I played games with my bestie today; that was good.
I want to do more fulfilling things with my time.
I don't want to feel so empty.
Problem is; I don't want to do anything else with my time.
I wish more of my friends made an effort to hang out with me. But would I even be available? I don't know. I wish I made more of an effort too.
