2025-07-11 00:21:55
I'm reading Will Do Magic For Small Change by Andrea Hairston, which features almost exclusively black characters so far, some of whom (to some extent) use AAVE, and some who were described as having some kind of a southern drawl.
I'm used to reading books by white authors with white (or unspecified but probably white) characters. Characters are white in my mind unless a book says otherwise. And in my mind, their voices are also just like mine (I don't personify feminine voices either).
The thoughtspeak in my head (the imagined sound I hear as I read words, or especially as I read what a character is saying) almost never has any character to it. It's pretty flat, and has a stereotypical white tone to it, if anything.
Thing is - I can imagine black characters, see them in my head, and depict the different descriptions of their skin color ("So brown he's almost black" I read in another book recently). White characters never have their skin-colors described by white authors I've read, though we do range from basically paper-white to peachish to darkly-tanned italian-like.
But ... I don't hear different thoughtspeak. I think I could. But I would need to practice. I think it would be neat. And I think being able to hear different accents and tones could help me do impressions if I wanted to, too. I've never been good at impressions. (There's an irish character in Overwatch that I'd like to impersonate)
2025-07-03 01:48:10
If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up
You ever suddenly become aware that you're dreaming? Something is weird about gravity, or the house your in, or the people you're with. Something just doesn't quite jive with what you know is real. And you become lucid and you know that you're dreaming.
There's a whole world, with hearing and smell, touch and sight. If you look for memories, they're there.
When you wake from a dream and recall it, there are always "dream facts" - things that are true in the dream even if they're not accurate to your real life. Like that person was your dad in the dream, even though they looked like someone else.
Have you ever stopped to think about whether this is a dream? Sure, it hurts if you pinch yourself, if you jump up and down the physics act normal, and there's a slew of memories and a general sense of continuity.
But how do you know these things aren't just dream facts? How do you know that you actually just loaded this blog post and read down to this point? How do you know that you weren't just dropped into this moment with "dream facts" to support the idea that there is continuity and history here.
I don't know that I'm not dreaming. I have a distinct sense that I'm not dreaming, that this is real. But I also have that sense when I'm in a dream, until that sense is disrupted. And there's moments here where that sense is disrupted too - if I think the right thoughths, say the right things to myself. (It also helps if I'm stoned (weed) when I do this)
The idea that this is a dream, and that I could wake up from it kind of scares me. When I was high two nights ago and toying with this idea (not for the first time, I've had this 'dream-theory' for years), I didn't lean in all the way because I was scared I wouldn't come back down from it. (I would have. I would have sobered up and come back down to reality. But I was high and nervous about it, so I didn't lean in too hard.)
But it's scary. Because I've had dreams that I love that I don't want to wake up from, where I'm with a past love of mine or doing something incredibly exciting.
And in this "dream" (reality), I love my friends, I love myself and my family, I enjoy my video games, and the beauty of nature. It's not all perfect, but it's certainly not something I'd like to wake up from. More than anything, the thought of waking in a new world and losing my best friends is crushing.
But when I wake from those dreams I love, after just a couple minutes I'm grounded and glad I didn't fall forever into that dreamland.
What if there is a dreamer who wants desperately to wake up from this dream? A dreamer who might be sad for a couple minutes for what they've lost, but would be grateful to be back in their real life? What if my fear of waking up is keeping them trapped in this (fake to them) world?
Anyway. It's a fun idea to play with. Something I want to meditate on later. I suspect no matter how much I do, I'll keep going to bed here and waking up here and this will keep being my reality. I hope so.
2025-06-29 10:35:43
SPOILER WARNING: End of Watch & Holly are both discussed here. Pretty big plot points are given away.
I read End of Watch first, a story about Bill Hodges and Holly, two private investigators who investigate Brady Hartsfield, a psychopathic killer with telepathic abilities who's physically trapped in a psych ward.
This was the first fiction book I had read in quite some time. It was good, I really like it.
There's two more books in the trilogy: Finders Keepers (the name of the private investigation business they run) and Mr. Mercedes (presumably a prequel, about Brady Hartsfield, but I don't know). I haven't read those.
Then comes Holly. Bill Hodges has died (he was old in End of Watch), and Holly is running Finders Keepers with Pete Huntley, Bill's old partner from his time as a cop.
Pete is down with Covid, and Holly is investigating a case of a missing girl. We learn very early that there is an old couple abducting people and eating them. So the book is basically about Holly uncovering all the details of the missing girl, and discovering the cannibals.
I love Holly. She is, presumably, autistic (with very low support needs). Her social abilities are not great, and she's very uncomfortable socially, but she does very well when asking questions in pursuit of a case. She's kind of a dork too, and very meticulous about some things.
The overall story is very enjoyable. Much detail in many things, as it goes with King. There are two other characters we follow (and care about) throughout the book: Jerome (25ish?) and his younger sister Barbara (18 or so). They both appeared in End of Watch, but not as significantly.
An unexpected part of this book was the discussion of current events - Trump losing the 2020 election, COVID deniers, BLM protests, and a couple other more minor things.
These issues came up many times throughout the book. Holly's vaccinated, and her mom had died of covid (anti-vax maga idiot). Basically every time we meet an unlikeable character, they're anti-vax, won't wear a mask, or think COVID is bullshit.
King discusses this in his author notes - He shares Holly's views, but he believes he'd write a thoughtful take if his protagonist were anti-vax or something. (I wonder if he'd write such a character as a protagonist)
It's cool to see current events (especially such impactful ones) brought up in fiction. I didn't expect it, and at times didn't like it though.
First of all, it took me out of the world of fiction, and I got stressed about how things were AND how things are now (Trump re-elected and being a straight-up dictator this time around). But the jarring nature of this content ... simmered down as time went on. I got used to it, for the most part.
I love this book, I love Holly. I'm glad I read it.
I do find the representation of ... let's say "woke" issues in entertainment media to be ... idk. I have mixed feelings about it.
I could ramble on that more. I'm in agreement with Holly (and what I would consider the general viewpoint of the book) on the woke things.
I thought I might ramble on it all more, but nah i'm done. I'm just done writing.
I might return and read Finders Keepers and Mr. Mercedes at some point, but I'm not sure. I might be all detected out. I checked out a couple fantasy novels at the library on Wednesday (not stephen king). It was a bit peculiar that this book didn't have anything supernatural in it. As a teen I only knew Stephen King as having supernatural stuff. I hadn't read him for years though. And yaknow he has lots of books, so I'm not surprised there's variation.
Oh, Every time Holly meets with someone they discuss vaccination status before taking off masks. That is awkward, feels a little excessive, feels forced. Like I'm sure that happened some, but it just didn't quite feel real.
And my yapping about this book gives a lot of emphasis to the woke stuff, but it's relatively minor in the book. Like it's there throughout, but yaknow ... 99.9% of the book is about the actual story, not the woke stuff.
P.S. I already posted this but it seems to not be showing on my posts lists or my books list
2025-06-28 02:19:00
When your tummy flutters and heart skips a beat
When your bones break and you scream in pain
When your lips draw back and big teeth show
When your heart breaks and tears fall
When your hands move slow and stroke my cheek
When your joints creak as age comes fast
When your mouth opens wide and moans sing out
When you feel the ground beneath your feet,
is it just wires in your head,
or is there a soul behind those eyes that I could meet?
2025-06-26 06:07:00
I've submitted the following Letter To The Editor to my local paper, on June 25, 2025.
People must rise up. His power comes from the military and federal agencies. Our power comes from organizing.
Workers - especially unionized workers - hold the most power. While Trump violates court orders, arrests congress people, wages illegal wars, dictates culture (and so much more), most of us are going through our lives like nothing has changed.
Workers have the power to disrupt American life, and workers need to. Unions should organize and strike for political reasons - not for wages or health insurance this time. Unions should strike (just one day at a time), close stores, and demand three things.
One, that everybody take notice of the looming dictatorship.
Two, that their companies stand with the people, not the State.
Three, that Trump be impeached and Congress hold his successor to account.
Congress can ignore the "woke" protestors who don't like their guy. It's a lot harder to ignore closed grocery stores, semi trucks brought to a halt, or schools closed down.
Congress needs to feel the resistance, because without it, his unchecked power will continue to grow.
Think about it. Talk about it. And do something.
2025-06-12 10:37:26
I had watched some news on the California protests & national guard and marines ... and I was motivated, energized, angry.
SO I went to Walmart, bought some foam board, wrote "Trump is a Dictator" with a big permanent marker, and then ...
I went to a busy(ish) street corner Downtown and stood there with my sign for half an hour.
It was good. Lots of support, a couple "fuck you"s. I want to do this again. Gotta be doing something.
