2026-04-25 08:00:00
# Now that I have the randomelements site up and running, the best way to keep up with music news is to follow the RSS feed over there.
I don't think I'll focus on posting all new release details on the blog.
2026-04-24 08:00:00
# In a post on Bluesky, I wrote:
Sometimes, I overcomplicate things and lose the vibe. I've decided not to rerecord "After the tears" but use the live jam as the base and just make tweaks.
I know a new version just won't sound the same.
As with All raw sound and emotion, I want // need to get away from trying to get everything just so.
What's the saying? Perfect is the enemy of good.
So true.
It's also the enemy of "done" or "finished".
I was tidying the desktop on my Mac and saw it was littered with project ideas that I know I'll never return to, but haven't had the heart to file away — or even delete.
Anyway, back to not rerecording.
I've written before about how my "process" is infuriating. How I record test versions of tracks to work out what they need, but there is a tipping point at which they become fixed in my mind as the definitive version and I can't redo them even if I wanted to.
How many tracks have I wasted that way?
This latest track (which I'll hopefully release tomorrow) hasn't fallen foul of that per se; it's just that I know I won't be able to replicate or improve on what's already there simply by rerecording it.
I need to trust more in what I do, and how it feels, rather than always try to make the optimal version and lose what I already have.
I don't want things to be produced to the point of removing what made me like them in the first place.
Absolutely, I need to improve my live performance skills and have a more fluid workflow so things don't get boring. That will come with time and practice.
Something I still don't do — despite knowing I should — is to hit record before messing around with things. I'm sure I've lost so many wonderful moments by not capturing them as they happened.
I've still not put the studio back together. I'm of the opinion that everything, everywhere, all at once, is too intimidating // distracting // counterproductive.
There are currently only four or five pieces of gear connected at any one time. This means I have to be more deliberate in what I'm doing; pick a particular sonic palette and stick with it.
Okay, I have software instruments available, but will only choose one when I have a specific need — a hole to fill that current hardware can't do.
It must be working as I've finished two tracks in just a few days. I think this will have to be my approach, at least for now.
2026-04-23 08:00:00
# ADHD
Me: must work on // finish off the new track.
Brain: oooh, let's make glitchy drum sounds with the Syncussion.
2026-04-22 08:00:00
# After Wednesday's breakdown, I went back to the doctor's yesterday — a week early.
I'm officially off citalopram and have been moved on to fluoxetine. Today was the first dose.
Hopefully, this will agree with me more than the citalopram. That won't be hard.
2026-04-21 08:00:00
# I think it's safe to say that citalopram is not for me.
I'd been feeling progressively worse over the past week until everything culminated in a massive breakdown last night.
Feeling very bored and fed up, I went up to the studio with the intention of starting to put things back together.
I sat down and, bang, the tears came and wouldn't stop. Great wracking sobs.
I called my wife, who was at our daughter's house, and just about managed to blurt out a few words before she dashed home. It took about an hour to calm me down, and she felt able to go back.
I was supposed to have a meds review next Wednesday (22nd) but that has been brought forward to today as I can't go on like this.