2025-11-28 04:28:00
I hate my job.
Don’t worry. My boss knows.
Today was another one of “those” days at work, and it reminded me once more why I recently decided to hand in my resignation (my last day at work will be December 30th).
I’ve been working for this company for more than five and a half years, both as a warehouse worker and a delivery driver (mostly the latter this year).
This will be the third time that I will quit this job. It’s like an abusive ex-girlfriend that I keep returning to. Every time I broke up with this job, I had to return because I literally could not find any alternative. I honestly don’t understand what it is that I’m doing wrong.
I can’t stay here though. It is literally killing me, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am confindent that I suffer from chronic stress due to the work that I do, and it’s so obviously wearing me down that I’m afraid that I might get seriously ill (like burn out, develop a cancer, or worse).
The work is horrible. It’s completely disorganized and chaotic, causing me extreme anxiety. I’m under constant pressure to perform in spite of all the handicaps. I’m not allowed to have a balanced and healthy lifestyle (not even days off when I get sick). I’m not allowed to eat or sleep at regular hours. It also feels like I’m going to the gym every single day. My body gets no rest.
So, I’ll either die from exhaustion or homelessness. I’ll try the latter for now.
2025-11-28 02:56:00
Content warning: Brief mentions of disordered eating habits.
Whenever I am deeply and actively involved in my passion topic (data protection law), I don’t care about the superficial stuff anymore. Writing, researching, talking to others about it, attending events just completely takes me out of the usual thought spirals and needless worries and makes me feel so at peace, so happy.
I mean the things that the internet is especially good at convincing you of, even if you aren’t on specific platforms or in certain bubbles; the things that drip down to you from elsewhere, seep through the barriers.
Beauty standards, looksmaxxing, pretty privilege, the current emphasis on making money via your looks as a social media or OF career, the idea of a dating market, dating strategies and having to optimize your value and constantly self-improve. The hope that by leveraging looks and weird manipulative books on how to win people over, you’ll get further professionally, as people perceive you as more competent and trustworthy. You need to be perfect because if you can’t even take care of yourself, how will you handle anything else?
Together with a lot of memes about how “that’s how ugly you look if you (negative behavior)”. The message is clear: If you are sick and/or ugly, something is wrong with you and it shows on the outside to warn everyone to stay away. Some girl putting on makeup is telling you what’s chic and not chic, creating fear that people will not choose you, will even exclude you for minor a faux-pas.
Things like considering a jaw shave to make my face more symmetrical or moving my hairline or doing Invisalign or losing another 10kg or considering a fitness regime to develop visible abs… only pop up as a sort of static noise and circular obsessive thoughts when I am lonely and/or directionless, hopeless, lost, questioning my path, not engaging actively enough with what I love.
Whenever I am fired up for my passion and engaging with it, I don’t care about my looks or my weight. All I care about is treating my body well so I can do more of what makes me happy, and serve that passion well, devote myself fully. It feels like my calling, it feels like something I want to give myself to entirely, like a farmer is giving themselves to their harvest completely (cringiest thing I have ever said on this blog, but I don't know how else to say it!). I no longer care about eating as little as possible, and trying to postpone it as long as possible, while choosing low cal options that are as filling as possible to cheat my body.
Instead, I care about eating enough and at the right times so I can read complicated texts, write, analyze, learn, am able to follow a lecture, and feel stable enough to travel and make it somewhere. I value it as the fuel that it is, to keep this meat mechsuit going that enables me to do the things I do, together with exercise for strength, not calorie deficit. I cannot do my part if I'm dizzy and weak.
I also stop obsessing about how fat or asymmetrical my face might look from an angle or while I smile. Instead, I care about what I develop inside, and what comes out of it; that my ideas and words are meaningful, true, helpful. I care about understanding things correctly, of being able to explain them well, and about being able to afford my dreams and goals (further education), not beauty.
I finally get to focus on giving my cognitive power, my presence, my body for the cause, not the eye; because I feel like this is my mission, and to pursue my mission well, I can’t starve myself, I can’t prioritize risky elective procedures and recovery, I can’t withdraw out of fear of being perceived as ugly or weird when my desired field compels me to talk to people more knowledgeable than me and learn.
It really is true that beauty standards hold us back so much, distract us, take bandwidth and focus away. It can be so hard to break through the fog of these thoughts that tell us to provide value with our bodies and not our thoughts and words.
I’m not going to be a better expert at this topic by being underweight or having abs or a smaller cheek, so why waste time on it pretending these subtle changes will help my overall success? The work ahead is straightforward, and nothing of it involves beauty.
The internet drastically overstates the importance of these things. I already have great grades, a great work ethic, readers, an amazing mentor, the drive and intelligence. All of that is much more important for my success and happiness than fixing superficial flaws that no one but me is really noticing. My body is already going through enough, it deserves better.
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2025-11-28 02:38:00
Despite spending the past few months hidden inside my own cocoon of despair, the kind created from personal life happenings, I still wanted to take the time to acknowledge the things I’m thankful for this year. Even when the world feels like it’s burning at the edges and the headlines make me want to curl into myself, life is still beautiful. Sometimes quietly, sometimes stubbornly, but beautiful nonetheless.
... and maybe most of all, I’m thankful that even in seasons when everything feels heavy, there are still tiny pockets of light. Enough to hold onto. Enough to remind me that being here, even imperfectly, is something worth noticing.
Here’s to hoping I keep noticing.
I hope you do, too.
♾️ Related: What Are You Thankful for?
2025-11-27 23:34:01
I did six house inspections yesterday. The smallest was a shabby little 40-square-meter cabin from the 70’s. The biggest was a fancy 245-square-meter villa built this year.
All the clients had one thing in common. They all excused themselves for the mess.
Not because of some strange cosmic joke that made every house I visited yesterday messy. And not because it’s a Swedish thing to apologize for the mess, no matter how clean your home is.
Nope.
It’s because everybody really does think their home is the worst. They imagine all the houses I visit to be neat and spotless, and theirs is terrible in comparison.
But it’s not. It’s pretty much the same everywhere, no matter what area I’m working in or who happens to live there.
We people are more alike than we think.
So the next time you feel like your life is a mess compared to others, trust me when I say your neighbor’s the same.
You’re doing fine. Don’t worry.
2025-11-27 03:30:00
It all started when Mr Prismatic Wasteland posted a picture on Discord of a TTRPG blog edge graph someone had made years ago on /tg/. When the folks started wishing for an updated version, I thought: I already follow a lot of blogs via RSS—maybe I could use that data to create something similar.
A few weeks later, I'm crawling back out of the rabbit hole with an interactive map of the TTRPG blogverse, and I'd like to show you what I found.
Explore the graph: Open the interactive graph—zoom, filter by year, poke nodes, and see who links to whom.
It's an interactive graph of all the TTRPG-related blogs I could find. Each node is a blog. Each edge between two nodes means at least one post on one of those blogs links to the other—sometimes outgoing, sometimes incoming, sometimes both.
Both nodes and edges are weighted. The more a blog gets linked to, the bigger its node becomes. Likewise, the more two blogs link to each other, the stronger the edge between them appears. To keep things sensible, only one link to a specific blog is counted per post—if you link to a blog 10 times in one post, it still only counts once. The nodes are clustered into communities using an algorithm that finds groups which are more tightly connected to each other than to the rest of the graph.
It's interactive, so you can zoom in and select individual nodes. The data is historical, so you can display different views of the graph for each year going back to 2003, or look at an "all time" view, which is the default.
There are also various stats like top-linked blogs and posts, as well as graph-theory-nerd values like the betweenness of a specific node or its k-core. There's a glossary in the graph menu if you need it.
My favorite discovery was realizing that, if you scroll through the years, you can clearly see different communities springing up. They rise and fall, but many of them are still more or less present today.
You can also see quite a lot of cross-talk between some of these communities.
Another observation: community events like Blog Bandwagons, RPGaDAY, GloGtober, etc. have a big impact on cross-linking and discovery. These events are important and fun, and they help us find and foster our neighbors.
It all runs on the backbone of my RSS reader. That's where I add all the blogs and where I pull the data from. I was already following the majority of them, but as Dwiz pointed out, if I only included blogs I'm personally interested in, it would just be a graph of my own reading preferences, and I agree.
So I spent a long time hunting down more blogs to add. Shout-out to the biggest sources: the OPML files by Yochai, Ramanan, Alex Schroeder, and Sly Flourish. The rest I either already had (from following some blog hive channels on various Discord servers) or hunted down through sitemaps and blogrolls.
Anyone familiar with RSS might know that feeds usually only include a small set of the latest posts. This is problematic and skews the data heavily towards 2024/25. However, I was very happy to find out that I could paginate backwards on the RSS feeds for both Blogger and WordPress. For Bearblog I was able to use a crawler that someone had already written and, with minimal edits, generate feeds from that.
With this data I could begin mapping the blogs. I wrote a Python script that talks to my RSS reader, watches which blogs link to which, turns that into a big friendship map of blogs with stats and communities, and then spits out JSON/CSV files that the browser can use.
The frontend takes this precomputed data and draws a styled "space map" of blogs. On top of that, it layers search, filters, stats, tooltips, the glossary, and sharing options so folks can actually explore and understand the Blogverse instead of just looking at a static blob of dots.
There are some caveats to this method and some things I simply can't change, all of which mean the data will never be fully complete. Here are the main ones.
RSS usually only exposes the last 10 to 25 published posts when you add a feed to a reader. Most blogs were added this year when I transferred from a different reader around Christmas 2024.
Luckily, I was able to backfill almost all posts for Blogger, WordPress, and Bearblog. These three platforms make up the vast majority of blogs in the graph, so the overall dataset is still pretty large.
For the following platforms, I don't have full post history unless you started your blog in the latter half of 2024 or just don't post much:
RSS is structured into different XML blocks that hold different metadata. For each post, there's a <description> block—this is the part my Python script looks at to find links.
While most feeds provide the full post content here, some only include a paragraph or summary. This means a post that might contain lots of link to other blogs can't be detected and therefore won't be included in the data.
Blogging has been going strong since the mid-2000s, but a lot of blogs simply aren't accessible anymore. They've been deleted, their URLs don't resolve, or something else broke along the way. There's nothing I can do about those.
There's always a good chance I missed a blog. If you think you're missing and would like to be included, please reach out to me on Bluesky or Mastodon.
To avoid confusion: any links generated at runtime via JavaScript won't show up in RSS. Sitemaps, blogrolls, or special pages on your blog also won't show up in the RSS feed and won't count. The graph purely looks at links inside individual posts.
Here are some answers to interesting questions I got over the course of developing this. They come from running queries directly in my reader's database and are not shown on the graph itself. All numbers are taken as of the publish date of this post.
These tables show how many total posts were published per year and how many new blogs appeared each year. Keep in mind that the data for recent years is slightly skewed because I don't have a full archive of posts from Substack and similar platforms.
Some more stats that speak for themselves:
And finally, here is the median lifespan of a blog in this dataset (time from first publication to last) in days:
No promises if or when I'll get to any of this, but here are some things I'm toying with:
As for known issues:
I plan to update the graph whenever I get a significant chunk of new data—either by adding blogs or unlocking more archive data from a platform. Otherwise, I'll probably refresh it about once a season, though I'm not completely sure yet.
I had a great time digging up old blogs, especially the earlier ones. It felt like a time capsule from before the internet was dominated by social media apps. You find some very special-interest blogs that are just interesting on their own. Artists posted on their Blogger pages in a time before Instagram. A lot of that stuff is still out there.
All this made me appreciate blogs even more. It's a great habit, a great hobby. Even if it's not about TTRPGs, it's great to read about people's passions and learn something new. You can argue on Bluesky or on Discord and that's fine, but it's also terribly fleeting. Sometimes you log on and find yourself in the middle of a discourse where you have no idea what's going on.
Blog posts tend to stick around. They can be linked to and revisited, so you don't have to repeat your arguments over and over. Blogs are great. Do more blogging, people.
I hope this graph is informative for you, maybe even helpful. Don't get discouraged if you find yourself on the outskirts of the graph. This is not a popularity contest but a community. Foster good behavior and link to your neighbors. Seen some good posts this week? Do a little link roundup like LootLootLore or Xaoseed. Talking about your next design idea? Link to what has influenced you; better yet, link to posts that do it differently than you to give people more context.
Just link more. It's how you discover and rediscover things on the internet. Make it a habit.
Lastly, I want to thank the good folks on Discord who showed great interest in this little project as I reported on my progress. You actually helped me stay motivated: Prismatic Wasteland, Dwiz, Ramanan, xaosseed, Nael Fox-Priebe, Patchwork Paladin, Warren D, Gus L, Chris McDowall, Benign Brown Beast, Wandering Diejack, Zak H, Sly Flourish, Serket, Nova, dadstep, Rowan, Farmer Gadda, Kati, Isaac, and anyone I forgot.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars (blogs).
2025-11-26 17:14:00
“feelings, internet blues”
i feel the water,
the water is inviting, the depth is frightening.
i sink in the water,
the water nurtured me, my siblings a whole generation.
i stay in the water,
i drown in the internet blues.
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