2025-11-07 00:13:00
I'm probably really tardy to this party, but I've been kinda wanting to talk about this performative male trend. You've probably seen it. Some tiktok sadboy, superficially reading feminist literature, carrying a tote bag, a labubu clipped to said tote bag, wired headphones, "listening" to records (usually by a female artist), drinking a matcha latte, wearing thrifted clothes. All done for the sake of the attention of women. It's the latest iteration of the guy who brings a guitar to a party to play Wonderwall.
Now as a wired headphone-wearing, matcha-sipping, Simone de Beauvoir-reading, vinyl record-listening man myself, I kinda wanted to comment on this and maybe provide a different perspective on this whole thing.
I've noticed "performative male contests", in which men on college campuses will compete on who can be the most "performative" to often hilariously hyperbolic results. A guy decked out in 10 tote bags, double-fisting Lana del Ray records, electric guitar on his back, was one that stood out to me.
I feel like another aspect of the performative male is this sort of dichotomy between the anti-consumption aspect of using vintage technology and wearing thrifted clothing with the hyper-consumerist aspect of Labubus. This sort of juxtaposition creates this sort of visual whiplash that can't be anything other than absurd.
However, I'm beginning to notice a problem. And it's not with the performative men themselves (mostly). For every 1 performative male, there seems to be 10 people creeping on complete strangers minding their own business. Reading in public? Performative. Carrying a tote bag? Boy who are you fooling? performative! Liking matcha? Performative JAIL!
The problem I'm seeing is once again, if men adopt a more "feminine" niche interest, it can only be done because they're trying to be fake or predatory. Which further stigmatizes men who would have otherwise shown genuine interest. Instead of inviting men to read and get invested in feminist literature, we proceed to demonize and gatekeep it as a "feminine" activity, or only for the "female gaze". This further perpetuates this gender divide and prevents open and honest progress.
If you find yourself agreeing with Fox News of all people, may need to reevaluate your stance.
I'm using air quotes when calling something feminine, because the feminization of these things is entirely superfluous. There is nothing inherently feminine about understanding the oppressive force the patriarchy has on all of us. There is nothing inherently feminine of green-colored tea.
To reduce men engaging in activities perceived as "for the girls" and handwaving it away as performative or manipulative, is misogynistic.
We've also reduced the ability of finding manipulators and predators to a certain "look". Predatory and manipulative people don't have a hivemind that makes them wear and dress the same way. Ted Bundy got away for so long in-part because he didn't "fit" the serial killer vibe check.
If you think you can detect a manipulator based on outward appearance alone, you cant.
So, before you whip out your camera to video tape some dude minding his business. Stop and consider what you're really achieving. Are you exposing a manipulator? Or are you just helping perpetuate harmful stigmas?
Pointing and laughing at trends is all fun and games, but I want you to try and look deeper into things.
Pirate is wearing all-black converse, black pants, pink tie dye Linkin Park tee
Pirate is feeling bored.
Pirate is listening to Pearl Jam
Pirate is playing Oblivion Remastered.
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2025-11-06 02:58:00
Every Wednesday, I meet someone. It’s not planned, our paths just cross. Same thing a moment ago.
He’s from Nigeria and his name is Livinus. He’s the guy who cleans the stairwell and the other shared spaces where I live.
We always have a chat in our slightly broken English. It might be about the weather or traditional dishes from his home country. Today we mostly talked about ice cream.
I love those moments. There’s always laughter and a few fist bumps.
Often, neighbors pass by while we’re chatting. No one ever says hi. I don’t think they even notice it’s us, the guy who’s lived in the building for over a decade, and the man who’s been keeping it clean for just as long.
I think it’s sad. Not in a personal way. Just sad that people move through life without noticing the beautiful and rewarding moments that come from talking to, or simply greeting, a “stranger”.
It feels like it’s all about me and what’s next. No time for others or now. As if real life is second-hand.
As for me, this is real life, here and now:
2025-11-06 01:07:00
If you haven't had time to watch Zohran Mamdani's entire victory speech from last night's NYC mayoral election, find time today. It's great shit.
It is so exciting to see someone win an election who believes that government should actually do things, and accomplish things, and change life as we know it in huge ways. "I will actually do transformational shit" is a huge message that the democrats have been too cowardly to adopt. They're also too cowardly to say, "I know who I'm doing it for, and I love and care about all of them," and then to name all of them. But he fuckin did!!
2025-11-05 22:50:00
[Cross-posted from Substack. This is the only time I'll do so, but I've been meaning to experiment with longer-form essays and thought I'd share here.]
I’ve been trying not to “maybe in another universe” my way out of the things that, deep down, I know I want. The signature trick of self-betrayal, the most sophisticated form of self-sabotage: outsmarting my longing by professing it belongs to some other timeline, an alternate version of myself who had more courage, resources, and the “permission” to be who I want. It starts with I wish I had more time to maybe that life just isn’t for me.
What you repress doesn’t die. I believe it waits, tenaciously reintroducing itself until you stop pretending you don’t recognize it: in dreams, chance conversations, random Instagram posts of people living your dreams. You can disguise this desire under “practical decisions” or “realistic thinking,” but that often transforms into restlessness, duplicitous irritation, and the strange sense of being misaligned even when nothing in your life is technically off. Yes, you study for a secure future or work your 9-5 and make good money, yet why do you feel misaligned?
The world is full of people suffering from the consequences of an unlived life. It can be seen from their cruel cynicism, the elusive resentment towards those chose differently. They are not actually angry at others; they are orbiting the grief of ceaselessly betraying their inner potential. I know that. I’ve been the bitter person (I write from this difficult, transitional space between bitterness and becoming. A lot of my writing is not merely insight for others but a wake-up call for myself, too).
I was always fascinated by the concept jealousy, and its quintessential association as a “negative” human emotion. It took years of counseling, reading, and uncomfortable self-honesty to realize that my envy of creatives I admired online — writers, artists, people building meaningful things — didn’t originate from hate. It was recognition, recognizing something of myself in them that, for some reason, I refused to animate. Instead of doing the work, I drowned myself in overconsumption (i.e. scroll, admire, repeat), convincing myself that passive familiarity with a world was the same as inhabiting it. It’s not. Dopamine can emulate excitement, but it cannot substitute for aliveness.
So what is jealousy, if not misdirected energy? In Shadow and Evil in Fairy Tales, analyst Marie-Louise von Franz delineates this misdirection of energy from suppressed creative drive. “People who have a creative side and do not live it out are most disagreeable. They make a mountain out of a molehill, fuss about unnecessary things . . . There is a kind of floating charge of energy in them which is not attached to its right object and therefore tends to apply exaggerated dynamism to the wrong situation.” That’s the damaging psychology of suppressed calling, that energy doesn’t disappear but corrodes in place.
Ideas are abundant, so are intelligence and talent. Courage, though, is scarce. When I talk about courage, I don’t mean grand gestures and cinematic leaps but the quiet, persistent refusal to outsource our life to imaginary version that will never exist. It is the courage to admit what you want without diluting it into social acceptance. What you want is not waiting for permission. It’s waiting for a decision.
2025-11-05 15:49:40
I've listened to dozens of podcast episodes about what to eat and why. I've read at least five or six books on nutritional science. And I had two small packets of sweet Bhujia three hours before writing this post.
The same goes for many other areas of life. I have a good amount of information on:
Now, I am health-aware but not healthy, happiness-aware but not happy, and so on. My brain is somehow convinced that knowledge gathering is the final step of the process. Information was supposed to be a means to an end – the end being living a good life – but it has become an end in itself.
We all know the story about sugar: We evolved in a food-scarce environment, so we want to eat calorie-dense food. Our brains don't recognize that sugar is abundant now, so they don’t stop the eating frenzy.
The case of information consumption is somewhat similar. We evolved in an environment where information made a life-or-death difference (where is the source of water? Is an enemy tribe coming? Is this fruit poisonous?). But our brains don’t recognize that times have changed. We still crave information as if a bunch of information-dense media will change our lives in an instant.
I don’t mean to imply that all information is worthless. Information is important, but only if it's followed by enough time for rumination and then action. But we have displaced the time and action part with more information. Now it’s just information, followed by more information, followed by even more information.
We have recognized sugar for what it is. It’s time we recognize that passive information consumption can be just as hollow and addictive as sugar.
2025-11-05 06:14:00
You've slain me.
On your quest to rise up the Bearblog Trending mountain, you had to go past me. As your final hit rains down on me and my HP bar depletes, my body pulsates on the floor and slowly evaporates. What I leave behind are the following items:
==Matcha==
Drink
Powdered green tea beverage with a nutty, slightly bitter taste. +5 Energy.
==Benji==
Charm
Legend says he has provided strength in the most hopeless nights. While holding or keeping the plushie nearby, you gain advantage on saving throws against fear, despair, or stress-related effects.
==Crystal Ring==
Ring
It hails from the far away fae lands. Forged from living quartz harvested under a moon. +2 Strength.
==Law Book==
Spell Book
Forged by sages and legislators who believed privacy itself was a form of sacred protection, this tome channels the invisible rules of data protection into tangible wards and bindings.
Spell: Right to Be Forgotten
Effect: Erases traces of your identity from archives, magical records, and memories weaker than your Intelligence modifier. Enemies who knew you must pass a Wisdom save or simply forget your name.
“Knowledge is power, but consent is sacred.” — Preface to the Data Protection Codex, Volume I
==AirPods==
Equipment
Ancient blacksmiths of the techno-age forged them to fend off the chaos of constant noise. +4 Focus. Drawback: While active, you may miss crucial social cues or warnings. Other players gain advantage on Stealth checks against you, especially when they are of the type "wife".
☁️☁️☁️
Pirate is hosting the Bearblog Carnival topic this month, inviting us to consider what we have in our inventory. I wanted do it less like a "what's actually in my bag", but more game-oriented. :)
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