2026-04-07 01:38:25
Two major things happened today: I went to the Apple Store to collect my laptop after a battery repair, and I said goodbye to my BlueSky account. The laptop is now fine. It doesn't overheat anymore, and even though I can't yet be sure the battery life will be optimal, at least it's not suddenly dying on me as it used to do until a few days ago (I couldn't even watch a movie on it). Turns out that my model needed the entire bottom part repaired, keyboard included, and because I didn't say anything about it, they replaced it with a UK QWERTY keyboard, which is not too annoying, but still, it'll take a bit of getting used to. More importantly, because now the entire bottom half of it looks spanking new, it's kind of giving me that 'new toy' feeling. You know what I'm talking about? That feeling you get when you unbox a tech gadget for the first time and every possibility feels within reach. It's making me want to write and do stuff with it, which is a nice change of pace, if you consider that before the battery replacement I would've rather poked my eyes out than use this laggy, slow computer. But it's not laggy nor slow, now!
Then, on a whim, I deleted my Bluesky account. I don't think there's anything wrong with the app specifically, or even with the circle of people I used to interact with on it. But social media is just not the vibe right now, and plus, I was barely using it. I figured I could do without, so I took that first step and simply deleted my account. Funny story: because of laws in the UK, some content is restricted to +18 y.o. users, and the way you verify your age involves either sharing some official documents, or taking some pictures of your face and sending them to you know who. I refused to do this on principle, which means that I'm still not able to access a lot of website or services, including direct messages on Bluesky. It's ridiculous, but it is what it is.
I’m thinking about deleting other socials. There’s no part of me that wants to be a pawn in this billionaires’ game, and every second spent on Insta feels like something I won’t be able to claim back. Sure, there is the issue of not being able to communicate with people as easily (pretty much all of my friends use Instagram as their primary communication tool), but I don’t even think that’s entirely true. I think we’ve become lazier, and have offloaded the responsibility of keeping in touch with our friends to an app that routinely reminds us of their existence. We interact because we’re constantly bombarded with small updates from them, not because of a genuine desire to interact. I say this because I know firsthand. When I take my breaks from Instagram, my daily interactions fall drastically, and I have to reach out to people more often than they do with me. I think this is normal! It’s just a different lifestyle that takes some getting used to.
Bluesky wasn’t really doing it for me, but Instagram is a different matter. Deleting it permanently would mean adjusting to a different reality and, more importantly, living in a reality that is different from most of my friends’. I guess the next deleted app will be Facebook, once I figure out how to download all the media I’ve put on it in the past, gosh, 16 years. And then we’ll see. Bonus picture: I went to the park to read a book under the sun today, so here’s a photo of the actual Bluesky.
2026-04-07 01:07:00
Leaving the house hasn't been easy for me recently, but it's something I'm starting to work on.
Today I went to see some birds. The sun on my face felt nice and the fresh air gave me a boost. As I walked the trail and watched the birds, things didn't seem quite as daunting or significant as they have been in my head.
2026-04-06 23:51:00
Lately, I've been more mentally fatigued than usual. I wondered if I was stretching myself thin with my current workload (job applications, side hustles, habits), but I learned how the source of my drain was a low-grade background noise in my head. I was overwhelmed with mental clutter of unfinished business I'd been putting off for too long.
Recently, I came across the concept of "closing your loops."1 Briefly, you may be struggling with your present tasks because you're subconsciously fixating on unresolved tasks. Every avoided decision, unanswered message, and half-finished errand is considered an open loop that's nagging at you, often without your full awareness.2 Analogically, it's akin to having 50 miscellaneous browser tabs you forgot to close, except they're buzzing haywire in your brain.
This kind of subconscious, low-level anxiety can drain your battery faster than a physical task might. Even as I write this, my mind is nudging me Remember that text you never replied to three weeks ago? You have five emails to tend to! Till when will you avoid making that decision? I was waking up foggy and going to bed agitated, unable to understand why, until I understood just how many unattended loops I've left open.
For April, I did a full brain dump, listing every single task, obligation, and nagging decision I'd been avoiding for months. I've broken the Big, Scary, Emotionally Draining Tasks into small, manageable steps so I feel less overwhelmed. My goal is alleviating the mental clutter before May.
Identify what's running in your own background and close your loops!
Check the Zeigarnik Effect. Did you know our brains retain uncompleted tasks better than completed ones?↩
2026-04-06 17:28:00
hello there, i am trying out bear blog for the time being. it is likely going to be a long while until i am able to code myself a blog of my own on a website of my own, but i've been missing the format of making... longer posts on a rarer occasion, just talking about stuff. the image/media limitation was stopping me to be honest, so i caved for the discounted subscription (the regional pricing adjustment is so kind, it warmed my heart), and am worried about not making most of it. well, if i don't, i guess i'll just cancel, so we shall see, huh? (update: just found out you don't need the sub to embed images, oops. i might cancel next month, but this is a good thing to give support to anyway).
i don't even have anything of worth to say, really. i don't want a blog because i have some kind of really deep and interesting thoughts to share. i just miss trying to make longer posts about my life from time to time, and keep it all somewhere to look back on when i need it. please bear (haha) with me as i make these posts into the void. you don't have to read them, i know through my own unfortunate experience how hard it can be to sit down and read something lengthy. i wish it was easier both for my adhd and my chronic fatigue.
by the way, i wonder if i should be typing properly for a blog. it feels like it would be more "right" to do so. but i am quite concerned that i will keep forgetting to capitalize things, or i will sound off. lowercase is how i usually do everything all my life. it just flows nicer when typing. and it works for short format text. but i feel like maybe longer text is more legible with proper capitalization? i am not really sure at all.
i am worried i will drop this just like many other things i do, be it because of adhd or chronic fatigue or some other reason. i already don't journal a lot like i want to, and so i am concerned about just not going anywhere with this either. i think people don't actually care that much, and probably would not actually judge me. but i suppose i still struggle with anything that makes me feel inadequate in other people's eyes. which is a lot of things, to be honest. i just want to feel like i am capable of something consistent in my life. but maybe i'm not. who knows for sure?
i will stop rambling for now, and make use of having the media feature since i paid for it anyway. so here are some furries from yesterday. i've been trying to casually do anthro-april challenge somebody made, mostly as a way to keep myself drawing every day if i can and having a prompt for it.
2026-04-06 11:28:36
There is no magic amount of followers, likes any of this shit that will make you magically happy. Just post, move on and enjoy the peace of mind that comes from not being bothered by it.
Remember to thank your Town Manager for a job well done!
2026-04-06 06:03:22
(aka things I'm worried about at the moment)