2026-03-29 19:00:22
One thing that women do significantly better than men is nagging. I recently learned that from Bearblog's feminist icon (unfortunately, not me; I have competition as it turns out) xmargins. I girlboss the men I know, I don't nag. But when I choose to nag, I nag the fuck out of them.
Lately, I've noticed that men cannot nag, they only neg. They tell me that I'm not pretty, sexy, or desirable, and then one day I dress hyperfemme, take off my hijab—like the emancipated post-muslim diva I am—and voilà! The men love-bomb me. I get showered with praise. I realize that men have little egos and that they need to inflate their own by pinning down mine, but like, can't you be more creative in making my life less promiscuous? I don't want you anyway.
It gets tiring and repetitive after a while, something I'm not used to from my rotating set of bedmates. They make sure to spice up the verbal abuse and use vocabulary that not even someone as high class and educated as me knows. I probably don't know all those non-fancy words because of my upbringing, who knows.
Anyway, thank you xmargins for matching my freak. I love reading your posts and wondering what kind of drugs one has to take to write like that, keep at it!
Triple Blessings!
2026-03-29 02:05:00
I don't use social media like Facebook or Instagram or LinkedIn, etc. Nor have I ever indulged in Snapchat or TikTok. Presently, this blog is my deliberate presence on the Internet.
What's not deliberate is my use of Reddit, the last holdout I need to overcome w/r/t doom-scrolling and distracted screen time. I don't have an account, for I'm more or less a lurker. It tickles my brain because I can look up sub-reddits based on my interests and indulge in conversation. Even if I'm not participating in discussion myself, it still gives me that dopamine hit that the designers and engineers sought to manufacture.
Lately I've noticed that the conversation has been taken up, more and more, by bots and AI. It's particularly irritating when I'm reading up on Stoic philosophy, which focuses on practical wisdom. There's something absurd about reading, on the web, about a bot's interpretation of a philosophy. Really, if I wanted an AI's interpretation of a topic (and I rarely do), I would seek it out myself. Conversation, in other words, has become low-caloric. In turn, I've returned to the classic texts to hone my own interpretation and understanding of Stoicism.
Then there's the general volume of terrible news. It's hard to look away, especially as US politics increasingly affects people in their everyday lives. Previously, those with marginalized identities felt the brunt of policies and orders; now, with groceries and gas costing more, the instinct to follow the news to make sense of the future is especially appealing. But more often than not, news items on Reddit are just snapshots of unfolding events: it's not comprehensive, and the discussions, while furious, are hardly qualified by expertise. In short, it's more harmful than helpful to form my sense of the world through Reddit.
Lastly, it's a veritable timesuck. It's easy to feel superior in having my poison not be TikTok—it's an addiction that others have that I don't find appealing. And it's tempting to rationalize that Reddit offers knowledge and community. However, I'm realizing that it's all the same: I might not be on one platform going through reels, but I'm still overwhelming my mind with an influx of information with no discernible goal. There's no shortage of rabbit holes to plunder, and there's no destination to reach.
So, I've decided to make a serious effort to cut Reddit out of my life. Intuitively I know I can find the information that it provides elsewhere, when I need it. It means instead of going into a proverbial all-you-can-eat buffet with surprising items on offer, I'm called to be more conscious of my diet and to control my intake.
To this end, I'm going to take drastic measures. I've used them at one time or another, but never in concert or with serious commitment.
First: using site blockers, such as LeechBlock NG. Second, editing the /etc/hosts file on my Linux computers to block the site. Third, blocking the site on my phone through settings.
While I'm at it, I'll throw in Hacker News and other news-y sites. I know myself enough to know that I'll be looking for alternatives when the withdrawal symptoms show up.
I also know that for the next while, life is going to feel dull and slow. Which is what I really need right now, both personally and worldly speaking. I consider it a (re)calibration of my brain.
Wish me luck.
2026-03-28 12:56:00
Today was the first day I cooked a proper meal in my home since leaving nearly seven months ago!
We've been living at home off and on for nearly two weeks now, but we only got a fridge a few days ago, and only went grocery shopping for the first time yesterday. Before that, we had a very ramen-heavy diet.
I've been writing a lot recently about how annoying it is to not have your own permanent claim to your own permanent home. We were living with family, but living in someone else's house means living by their rules, and living under their scrutiny. It's hard not to change in response to that. The biggest thing that changed was our diet.
The main way we ate before all this was in a very... one-bowl kind of way? I hadn't thought about it this way before moving out, but almost all our meals were designed to fit on only one piece of tableware, and almost exclusively in bowls. Lunch was almost always either a soup - we'd pre-cook soups on the weekend - or some kind of egg sandwich. We would even eat the sandwiches out of a bowl. Dinner was also bowl-centric. Here is the bowl:
I am pretty certain this is a very old IKEA bowl. It is glass. It is very scratched up. It is somewhat smaller in diameter than most dinner plates. It is, however, exactly the perfect size for almost everything we like to eat!
It is the perfect shape - shallow enough to pass as a plate. My husband has argued that bowls are superior to plates because things cannot fall out of them as easily. I have to admit: he has a very strong point. Once you start eating everything out of a shallow bowl, it's kind of hard to stop.
We'll have spaghetti with veggies mixed in and just dump it all in there. We'll have a stir fry, and each person will consume precisely whatever serving of stir fry fits in this bowl. We'll have lentils with vegetables. We will have something rice-centric, or egg-centric, and it all goes in there. All the foods touch, or they're all mixed together, so if that kind of thing bothers you, I cannot recommend the one-bowl lifestyle. I can, however, strongly recommend it to myself. It is perfect for me. One bowl.
The reason I personally cook this way is because I am not smart enough to cook multiple things at once, but I can cook one very nice and tasty dish at a time. The One Big Bowl is perfect for this.
For the last seven months I have been eating a lot of meals on plates, or on multiple plates, with multiple dishes. This hasn't exactly ruined my entire life, but I realized after a few weeks that I really disliked it!
Eating this way makes me eat a lot more than I'm comfortable eating, and I finish more of my meals feeling very physically uncomfortable. It's easier for me to take a second serving of something, then realize I didn't actually want it, then finish it anyway because I feel like I have to eat everything I've put on my plate. It's not good for my brain! I prefer one large bowl. When we cook for ourselves, we don't usually even have leftovers. It all goes in the bowls and we eat everything and there's not even leftovers much of the time. The one big bowl is king.
Anyway, I'm back at my house now and everything is great. Today I cooked us chopped celery, peppers, and onions, polenta, and vegetarian sausage. They all went in the bowl shown above. I ate them in a big pile together because that's what happens when you eat all your meals out of a shallow bowl. We had zero leftovers.
My life is serene again. I have control over my life. I cannot wait to eat a dinner consisting of a single delicious egg sandwich sitting in a shallow bowl with no other dishes and no leftovers whatsoever.
And now, instead of being mad about dinner, I am simply reflecting anxiously on the fact that I have no idea what this bowl is or where it truly comes from or what IKEA model name it has, if it's from IKEA at all. We broke one of the bowls a few years ago and there are only three left. I should really try to find more of The Bowl...
2026-03-28 09:46:00
On Thursday, I shared a poem I wrote recently (this one) with my coworker. He's an older person, working in another department, security, and always jokes about how this is his last job. He plans to quit when he turns 70 so he can stay home and work on his art full time. He's an incredible artist. We both are always reading in any downtime we have, and have gotten into the habit of sharing books with each other. Most of the things I share are poetry, and he always asks, "So Saaaaam... have you written anything lately?" in a languorous drawl that is his own. I always say, "no, not lately", but then realize that is not true, and I have written a lot, just not anything I'd want to share. I've written a lot of crap, but its good crap that I enjoy writing, and that feels good to write. I probably will share it someday, probably here on this blog (in fact, I've already started to).
Anyway, this poem I shared with him happens to be one that I don't think is crap, and I've been sitting on it for a couple years now, unsure of where to go next. I knew it needed more work, but I'd been looking at it and reading it so much that I just didn't know what to do differently. I got it back from him this morning, all marked up in red ink the way I remember my peers and teachers doing in years past. I forgot how much I missed that, reading what other people thought of my work. I read it through with some of his changes and omissions this morning, and was reminded that sharing is the only way to grow.
Over the years, I've become so accustomed to this idea propagated by Instagram culture, that everything you share has to be perfect, and able to grip your audience, as soon as you decide to share it. This idea that once you make one thing, that is your "brand identity", and everything that precedes it must be in line with it, fit your grid. The social media giants have turned art and creativity into a business, and gradually turned us into creators, not artists, writers, sculptors, or musicians. That one overarching word that takes the art out of our craft: creator. I've thought so much about this, that I stopped sharing anything. I don't want to make content. I want to make art.
I'm tired of being a creator.
I have always been an artist.
I have always been a photographer.
I have always been a musician.
I have always been a voracious reader.
I don't have a brand identity because I am not a brand. I am a human who is also all of those things above and so much more.
The weekend is coming up and I plan on looking over the poem in the morning, with a hot cup of coffee. I'll probably type it up on my typewriter, and play around with the words. Something I haven't done in a while, and I love, is typing it up, cutting out each line, and arranging them in different orders on the table. It really helps me organize my words in different ways, and gets me out of my head (that moment when you are just staring at the paper and going crosseyed trying to figure out what you can do to make the poem stronger - a poem is never finished).
I have two rolls of black and white film I'd like to develop too. I don't remember what is on them, its been a few months, but I know they are at least only from 2025. I have another roll of very old black and white film that I got for only a couple dollars. Its a roll of Kodak Plus-X safety film, in a metal canister with a yellow screw top. It could be from the 50s or 60s, and is probably blank. It has only 20 exposures total. I'm going to put it in a camera and shoot it all tomorrow as well, and develop that too. I'm so curious what will happen. Is it actually blank, or is there someone else's photos on it? Will I end up with their images from decades past double exposed over my own? Maybe it won't even come out. I don't know, but this is the kind of experiment I live for.
I also want to spend a lot of time reading, hopefully out in one of my favorite parks. One of my favorite weekend routines costs only $10. I walk to Lombardy Market, buy a turkey sandwich, a bag of chips, and a drink, and then walk to the park I refer to as triangle park, and sit on a bench in the shade and eat, and just be outside. I always bring things to read, usually headphones and my iPod, but more often than not, I just sit there after I've eaten and just be. Its a nice way to give yourself an hour of time spent doing nothing outside, around other people, most of whom are also doing nothing.
2026-03-28 08:56:00
I left work today feeling pretty annoyed and, behind my annoyance, hurt and insecure.
Near the end of the workday, I was chatting with a coworker and was commiserating about [a specific work-related task]. I was just trying to complain about [the specific work-related task] to someone who also has experience with [the task] and understands its unique challenges.
But, out of nowhere, she says, "Well, I think you put too much focus on [other work-related task]." First off, I was not really looking for judgment or feedback about my performance (from a peer, no less). I thought we were doing the thing coworkers do with one another: complaining about work. It just felt weird to receive this judgment out of nowhere. Like, I caught a stray bullet flying out of my coworker's brain.
Again, I was just commiserating, not asking for help or an evaluation of my work performance overall. It was strange and weird and got me in my head. Now I feel less than for struggling with [the task] and also defensive about [the other work-related task]. :/
I've redacted the specifics of the stupid tasks because they're specific to my work and actually don't matter. But for anyone reading this, please don't share uninvited feedback or critiques with people!!
This situation is now making me want to master both tasks out of spite. (¬_¬")
2026-03-28 08:49:00
Heya! So, let's say you wanna get rid of the upvote button on your blog for whatever reason? How would one go about doing that? Well, there's actually a couple different options, each with their own advantages and disadvantages. Here we go:
1. make_discoverable
This is the only way to completely get rid of the upvote button. If you set the make_discoverable attribute on your post to false, it will no longer be possible to upvote your post. This does have one potentially unwanted side-effect though: your posts will no longer show up on discover, not even on the most recent tab. If you're fine with that though, this is the most obvious choice. If you want to make all your posts undiscoverable, you can add this to your post template in bears settings.
2. CSS
You can hide the upvote button using this css snippet:
.upvote-button { display: none; }
This has the advantage of being pretty easy to do, and is also available in the free tier of bear (unlike our next method). Downside is, people can still theoretically upvote your post, and quite easily at that, provided they have some basic devtools skills. It should keep most people from trying though - the couple upvotes you might receive from particularly dedicated readers won't exactly give you much staying power on trending. Still, something to look out for.
3. JS
You can add this snippet to the footer of your website:
<script>document.querySelector(".upvote-button").remove()</script>
Since only premium bearblog accounts can use JavaScript on their blog, this method may not be available to you. However, it does have the advantage of being a lot more annoying to override. Bearblog uses js for upvoting, so users wouldn't be able to turn it off entirely. It is possible to manually override the page html in Chrome and remove the js snippet in order to still be able to upvote, but the vast majority of people don't know that this is even possible, or how they can do it. Overall, if you still wanna appear on most recent but just don't want any upvotes, this is probably the most effective method. Still not 100% upvote-proof, but oh well. Does it's job well enough, i think.
Anyways, thank you for reading! If you've got any more ideas for upvote prevention that i can add to this post, feel free to send me an email.