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An early-stage technology investor/advisor (Uber, Facebook, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ others) and the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers.
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Terry Real – Breaking the Rules of Traditional Couples Therapy for Superior Results, A Few Frameworks That Work (#798)

2025-03-06 22:50:00

For this episode, I’m doing something a bit different. I’m featuring five chapters from the audiobook Fierce Intimacy by Terry Real. What you will hear in this episode will help you identify both your and your partner’s losing strategies in relationships and help you move from disharmony to repair. Terry is the creator of Relational Life Therapy, or RLT, which underpins all his books, courses, and teachings and equips people with the powerful relational skills they need to make love work. He is also the author of five books, including the New York Times bestseller Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. 

And if you’d like an extra dose of calm, I recommend checking out Henry Shukman, a past podcast guest and one of only a few dozen masters in the world authorized to teach Sanbo Zen. Henry’s app, The Way, has changed my life. I’ve been using it daily, often twice a day, and it’s lowered my anxiety more than I thought possible. For 30 free sessions, just visit thewayapp.com/tim. No credit card required.

Excerpted from Fierce Intimacy: Standing Up to One Another with LOVE by Terry Real (Sounds True, 2018). Used with permission.

Please enjoy!

Listen to the episode on Apple PodcastsSpotifyOvercastPodcast AddictPocket CastsCastboxYouTube MusicAmazon MusicAudible, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Terry Real - Breaking the Rules of Traditional Couples Therapy for Superior Results, A Few Frameworks That Work

Want to hear another podcast episode that deals with overcoming relationship obstacles? Listen to my conversation with psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel, in which we discussed the challenges of therapizing couples in pandemic quarantine, the rewards of reframing our self-image, maintaining connection in long-distance relationships, coping with loneliness, the importance of maintaining personal rituals during trying times, and much more.


What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

  • Connect with Terry Real:

Website

SHOW NOTES

  • [00:03:11] Harmony, disharmony, and repair: The rhythm of all intimate human relationships.
  • [00:06:27] Harmony: Love without knowledge.
  • [00:07:01] Disharmony: Knowledge without love.
  • [00:10:01] Repair: Knowing love.
  • [00:10:35] Stay or go? A relational reckoning.
  • [00:12:04] Five losing strategies for getting from disharmony to repair.
  • [00:13:21] Being right: Objective reality has no place in personal relationships.
  • [00:16:35] Trying to control your partner: No one likes being controlled.
  • [00:21:35] Unbridled self-expression: The barf bag approach to intimacy.
  • [00:27:33] Retaliation: Offending from the victim position.
  • [00:32:13] Withdrawal: Provacative distance-taking.
  • [00:35:58] Shaking hands with your adaptive child — your losing strategy profile (LSP).
  • [00:38:08] Lessons learned by comparing your partner’s LSP with your own.

PEOPLE MENTIONED

Pia Mellody
Kevin Rose
Peter Attia
Henry Shukman
Edward Tronick
Sigmund Freud
Ethel Person
James Framo
Belinda Berman-Real
Mahatma Gandhi

The post Terry Real – Breaking the Rules of Traditional Couples Therapy for Superior Results, A Few Frameworks That Work (#798) appeared first on The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss.

Dr. Keith Baar, UC Davis — Simple Exercises That Can Repair Tendons (Tennis Elbow, etc.), Collagen Fact vs. Fiction, Isometrics vs. Eccentrics, JAK Inhibitors, Growth Hormone vs. IGF-1, The Anti-RICE Protocol, and How to Use Load as an Anti-Inflammatory (#797)

2025-02-27 00:20:39

Dr. Keith Baar is a professor at the University of California, Davis, in the Department of Physiology and Membrane Biology.

During his PhD studies, his research revealed that mechanical strain on muscle fibers activates the mammalian target of rapamycin (mTOR) signaling pathway, a crucial regulator of muscular hypertrophy. 

Subsequently, he studied the molecular dynamics of skeletal muscle adaptation to endurance training under the guidance of Dr. John Holloszy, a legend in the field of exercise physiology, considered the father of modern exercise biochemistry.

Building on all of this experience, he conducted research into tendon health and the potential for engineering ligaments, which could have implications for treatment and recovery from injuries.

Dr. Baar now runs the Functional Molecular Biology Lab at UC Davis. His lab’s work ranges from studying molecular changes in our cells to conducting studies to effect real-world improvements in people’s health, longevity, and quality of life.

Please enjoy!

Listen to the episode on Apple PodcastsSpotifyOvercastPodcast AddictPocket CastsCastboxYouTube MusicAmazon MusicAudible, or on your favorite podcast platform. The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.

This episode is brought to you by Cresset prestigious family office for CEOs, founders, and entrepreneurs; AG1 all-in-one nutritional supplement; and Shopify global commerce platform, providing tools to start, grow, market, and manage a retail business.

Dr. Keith Baar, UC Davis — Simple Exercises That Can Repair Tendons (Tennis Elbow, etc.), Collagen Fact vs. Fiction, Isometrics vs. Eccentrics, JAK Inhibitors, Growth Hormone vs. IGF-1, The Anti-RICE Protocol, and How to Use Load as an Anti-Inflammatory

This episode is brought to you by Cresset Family Office! Listeners have heard me talk about “making before you manage” for years. And for me—as a writer and entrepreneur—I definitely gravitate toward making. So it’s important that I find the right people who are great at managing. That’s why I trust this episode’s sponsor, Cresset Family Office

Cresset is a prestigious family office for CEOs, founders, and entrepreneurs. They handle the complex financial planning, uncertain tax strategies, timely exit planning, bill pay and wires, and all the other parts of wealth management that would otherwise pull me away from doing what I love most: making things, mastering skills, and spending time with the people I care about.  Experience the freedom of focusing on what matters to you with the support of a top wealth management team. Schedule a call today at cressetcapital.com/Tim to see how Cresset can help streamline your financial plans and grow your wealth.

I’m a client of Cresset. There are no material conflicts other than this paid testimonial. All investing involves risk, including loss of principal.


This episode is brought to you by ShopifyShopify is one of my favorite platforms and one of my favorite companies. Shopify is designed for anyone to sell anywhere, giving entrepreneurs the resources once reserved for big business. In no time flat, you can have a great-looking online store that brings your ideas to life, and you can have the tools to manage your day-to-day and drive sales. No coding or design experience required.

Go to shopify.com/Tim to sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period. It’s a great deal for a great service, so I encourage you to check it out. Take your business to the next level today by visiting shopify.com/Tim.


This episode is brought to you by AG1! I get asked all the time, “If you could use only one supplement, what would it be?” My answer is usually AG1, my all-in-one nutritional insurance. I recommended it in The 4-Hour Body in 2010 and did not get paid to do so. I do my best with nutrient-dense meals, of course, but AG1 further covers my bases with vitamins, minerals, and whole-food-sourced micronutrients that support gut health and the immune system. 

Right now, you’ll get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D free with your first subscription purchase—a vital nutrient for a strong immune system and strong bones. Visit DrinkAG1.com/Tim to claim this special offer today and receive your 1-year supply of Vitamin D (and 5 free AG1 travel packs) with your first subscription purchase! That’s up to a one-year supply of Vitamin D as added value when you try their delicious and comprehensive daily, foundational nutrition supplement that supports whole-body health.


Want to hear another episode that explores the possibilities of rapamycin? Have a listen to the conversation I had with Peter Attia, David M. Sabatini, and Navdeep S. Chandel at the source of this miraculous compound: Easter Island. Here, we discuss how one of the most important discoveries of medical science was almost lost, why metabolism (along with longevity) research is key to treating a long list of diseases, intermittent dosing of rapamycin, parenting advice from scientists on confidence and conflict, the necessary failures of good science, good fonts versus bad fonts, “non-potato” relationships, and much more.


What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

  • Connect with Dr. Keith Baar:

Website | Bluesky | LinkedIn

The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.

Physiology & Biology
Strength Physiology

Molecular Biology

Exercise Physiology

Injury & Recovery

Training & Rehabilitation Methods

Substances & Interventions

Supplements

Pharmaceuticals

Orthobiologics (Critiqued)

Diets

Institutions & Places

Movies

Research

Relevant Resources

SHOW NOTES

  • [00:07:12] How I discovered Keith’s work through a tweet about tennis elbow and rock climbing.
  • [00:07:54] Emil Abrahamsson’s hangboard training protocol.
  • [00:09:20] The fundamental principles of strength training and connective tissue adaptation.
  • [00:10:36] mTOR complex 1 and its role in muscle growth.
  • [00:12:06] Engineered ligaments and the discovery of minimal effective doses for tendon adaptation.
  • [00:13:50] The refractory period between optimal tendon loading sessions.
  • [00:16:42] Rapamycin’s effects on muscle hypertrophy.
  • [00:18:49] Protocols for tennis elbow rehabilitation.
  • [00:20:28] Why isometrics work better than eccentrics for tendon healing.
  • [00:22:14] Stress shielding and how load distribution affects tendon healing.
  • [00:29:07] The misconception about eccentric loading for tendon injuries and why velocity matters.
  • [00:29:58] Ideal duration for isometric holds (10-30 seconds) based on injury status.
  • [00:33:50] My elbow issues and current rehab approach.
  • [00:36:02] Overcoming vs. yielding isometrics and optimal loading strategies.
  • [00:47:11] Dr. Barr’s movement prescription for my tennis elbow.
  • [00:52:18] Loading timing post-surgery and RICE protocol criticism.
  • [00:56:58] Achilles tendon rehabilitation after surgery.
  • [01:00:18] Critique of orthopedic suturing techniques and recommendation for resorbable sutures.
  • [01:04:02] Multiple position isometrics for tennis elbow rehabilitation.
  • [01:07:26] Collagen synthesis, supplementation, and vitamin C timing.
  • [01:12:59] Critique of BPC-157 and other injectable peptides for tendon healing.
  • [01:18:19] Evaluation of orthobiologics’ (PRP, prolotherapy, stem cells) effectiveness.
  • [01:21:37] JAK-STAT inhibitor drugs and their effects on tendon growth.
  • [01:25:35] Drugs that increase risk of tendon ruptures (fluoroquinolones, AT-1 receptor drugs).
  • [01:29:33] How estrogen affects tendon stiffness and injury risk in women.
  • [01:32:48] Testosterone’s opposite effects on tendon compared to estrogen.
  • [01:35:31] Protein intake recommendations and timing.
  • [01:40:11] Ketogenic diet effects on mitochondrial biogenesis and longevity.
  • [01:41:57] Comparison of ketogenic diet, low protein diet, and rapamycin for longevity.
  • [01:47:19] Inflammation’s role in adaptation and when to reduce it.
  • [01:51:17] Timing of ice baths relative to training for optimal recovery.
  • [01:52:33] Parting thoughts.

MORE DR. KEITH BAAR QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW

“The number one cost to the US medical system is actually musculoskeletal sprains, strains, and tears—the back and the neck as well as the rest of the body. It’s more than diabetes and heart disease combined.”
— Dr. Keith Baar

“If passive flexibility were really important for decreasing tendon injury, then the women’s gymnasts who have the most passive flexibility wouldn’t be the NCAA sport with the highest rate of Achilles tendon rupture.”
— Dr. Keith Baar

“Injury related to flexibility is a U-shaped curve. So our injuries are really high when we’re very inflexible. When we get into that sweet spot where we have good mobility, we can do the full range of motion, actually the injury rate is very low. If we become hyper-mobile, we actually have that injury rate go up as well.”
— Dr. Keith Baar

“We don’t use a ketogenic diet if we want to go fast, but if we’re training for life, we see that it increases longevity, that the ketones themselves are really good for brain function.”
— Dr. Keith Baar

“The first recorded immobilizer for an ankle or a leg is from Egyptian hieroglyphs, where they showed pictures 4,500 years ago. If I took you and you said you had cancer, you would not want a treatment that was developed 4,500 years ago. You would hope that something new had been developed in the last 4,500 years. That is where we are for our orthopedic situations.”
— Dr. Keith Baar

“The reality is that there are especially certain athletes like climbers where they’re doing all kinds of heavy lifts, they’re doing all kinds of heavy work, they’re doing all kinds of really dynamic moves. And what happens, what breaks down, is they break down in their finger tendons and they break down in the little pulleys within the tendons.”
— Dr. Keith Baar

PEOPLE MENTIONED

Vincent Van Gogh

Emil Abrahamsson

David Sabatini

Navdeep Chandel

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

Kozaburo Hayashi

Håkan Alfredson

Michael Kjær

Monika Lucia Bayer

Rod Whiteley

Natalie Gilmore

Timo Nyyssönen

Venus Williams

Luc van Loon

Stuart Phillips

Jon Ramsey

Valter Longo

Ron Maughan

The post Dr. Keith Baar, UC Davis — Simple Exercises That Can Repair Tendons (Tennis Elbow, etc.), Collagen Fact vs. Fiction, Isometrics vs. Eccentrics, JAK Inhibitors, Growth Hormone vs. IGF-1, The Anti-RICE Protocol, and How to Use Load as an Anti-Inflammatory (#797) appeared first on The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss.

L.A. Paul — On Becoming a Vampire, Whether or Not to Have Kids, Getting Incredible Mentorship for $250, Transformative Experiences, and More (#796)

2025-02-21 23:08:01

Illustration via 99designs

“You can read all the theory in the world, but when you experience it, it gives you a different way of understanding. And that’s what I’m saying. Just like seeing red for the first time. You can hear all about red, but when you see it, you’re like, whoa, wait, there’s something there that’s more. The theory, the words aren’t sufficient to express all of the content.”
— L.A. Paul

L.A. Paul (lapaul.org) is the Millstone Family Professor of Philosophy and Professor of Cognitive Science at Yale University, where she leads the Self and Society Initiative for the Wu Tsai Institute. Her research explores questions about the nature of the self and decision-making and the metaphysics and cognitive science of time, cause, and experience.

She is the recipient of fellowships from the Guggenheim Foundation, the National Humanities Center, and the Australian National University. She is the author of Transformative Experience and coauthor of Causation: A User’s Guide, which was awarded the American Philosophical Association Sanders Book Prize. Her work on transformative experience has been covered by The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Guardian, NPR, and the BBC, among others. And in 2024, she was profiled by The New Yorker

She is currently working on a book, under contract with Farrar, Straus and Giroux, about self-construction, transformative experience, humility, and fear of mental corruption.

Please enjoy!

Listen to the episode on Apple PodcastsSpotifyOvercastPodcast AddictPocket CastsCastboxYouTube MusicAmazon MusicAudible, or on your favorite podcast platform. The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.

This episode is brought to you by MUD\WTR energy-boosting coffee alternative—without the jitters; Eight Sleep’s Pod 4 Ultra sleeping solution for dynamic cooling and heating; and LinkedIn Ads, the go-to tool for B2B marketers and advertisers who want to drive brand awareness and generate leads.

#796: L.A. Paul — On Becoming a Vampire, Whether or Not to Have Kids, Getting Incredible Mentorship for $250, Transformative Experiences, and More (#796)

This episode is brought to you by MUD\WTR! With only a fraction of the caffeine found in a cup of coffee, MUD\WTR gives me all the energy I need without the jitters or crash. Their original blend contains four different mushrooms: lion’s mane for focus, cordyceps to promote energy, and both chaga and reishi to support a healthy immune system. And it’s delicious—like cacao and chai had a beautiful child. I drink MUD\WTR in the morning, and I’ll also sometimes add milk and ice for a 2 p.m. iced latte pick-me-up. I also love that they make monthly donations to support psychedelic therapeutics and research, including organizations such as the Heroic Hearts Project and The UC Berkeley Center for the Science of Psychedelics (BCSP). 

Now you can get 15% off plus a free rechargeable frother and free shipping by going to mudwtr.com/Tim. Enjoy MUD\WTR and get a better morning routine.


This episode is brought to you by Eight Sleep. Temperature is one of the main causes of poor sleep, and heat is my personal nemesis. I’ve suffered for decades, tossing and turning, throwing blankets off, pulling them back on, and repeating ad nauseam. But a few years ago, I started using the Pod Cover, and it has transformed my sleep. Eight Sleep has launched their newest generation of the Pod: Pod 4 Ultra. It cools, it heats, and now it elevates, automatically. With the best temperature performance to date, Pod 4 Ultra ensures you and your partner stay cool in the heat and cozy warm in the cold. Plus, it automatically tracks your sleep time, snoring, sleep stages, and HRV, all with high precision. For example, their heart rate tracking is at an incredible 99% accuracy.

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Want to hear an episode with someone who applies philosophy to his daily life? Listen to my most recent conversation with Derek Sivers, in which we discussed Emirati coffee, cuddly rats, Brian Eno, John Cage, practical applications of simplicity, traveling to inhabit philosophies, and much more.


What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

  • Connect with L. A. Paul:

Website

Concepts

  • Transformative Experience: A central theme in L. A. Paul’s work, referring to life-changing experiences that fundamentally alter one’s identity and preferences, making it difficult to make rational decisions about them beforehand.
  • Analytic Philosophy: A style of philosophy that emphasizes clarity, rigor, and logical analysis, often with close ties to science and mathematics.
  • Causation: The relationship between cause and effect, and how we understand the forces that drive the world forward.
  • Rational Choice Theory: The framework for understanding how individuals make decisions based on maximizing their expected value.
  • Identity: How we understand ourselves and our persistence through time.
  • The Mind-Body Problem: A philosophical problem concerning the relationship between thought and consciousness in the human mind and body.
  • Epistemology: The theory of knowledge, dealing with questions about how we know what we know and the nature of understanding.
  • Logic: The science of the formal principles of reasoning.
  • Chain of Thoughts (CoT): In LLMs, chain of thought (CoT) mirrors human reasoning, facilitating systematic problem-solving through a coherent series of logical deductions.
  • The Vampire Problem: A thought experiment used by Paul to illustrate transformative experience.
  • Stockholm Syndrome: A psychological response that causes survivors of abuse to sympathize with their abuser.
  • The Knowledge Argument: Analytic philosopher Frank Jackson’s thought experiment intended to argue against physicalism.
  • Act-State Independence: A principle in rational choice theory that assumes the act of making a choice does not change the decision-maker’s preferences.
  • Metaphysics: The branch of philosophy that deals with the fundamental nature of reality.
  • Gravimetric Analysis: A set of methods used in analytical chemistry for quantitative determination based on mass.
  • Counterfactuals: Statements about what could have been, but wasn’t.
  • Nihilism: A philosophical viewpoint that suggests life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.
  • Quantum Physics: The study of matter and energy at the most fundamental level.
  • Time: The nature of time, both as a physical phenomenon and as a subjective experience.
  • Free Will: The capacity or ability to choose between different possible courses of action.
  • Fatalism: The view that we are powerless to do anything other than what we actually do.
  • Existentialism: A family of philosophical views that study existence from the individual’s perspective.
  • Continental Philosophy: A tradition of philosophy originating in mainland Europe.
  • Phenomenology: A philosophical approach that focuses on the study of subjective experience and consciousness.
  • Bioethics: A field of study that examines the ethical implications of advancements in biology and medicine.
  • Metaethics: The attempt to understand the presuppositions of moral thought and practice.
  • Ineffability: The inability to fully describe or express certain experiences through language.

Books and Recommended Reading

Movies

Institutions

People

Relevant Resources

SHOW NOTES

  • [00:05:55] The role of Quentin Smith.
  • [00:09:56] Early philosophy class disasters.
  • [00:13:34] How is philosophy relevant to the average person?
  • [00:20:17] A correspondence experiment with philosophers.
  • [00:25:29] The role of philosophy in modern times.
  • [00:27:50] The vampire problem.
  • [00:39:31] What you can’t expect when you’re expecting.
  • [00:42:36] When transformative experiences happen without our consent.
  • [00:48:12] Choosing between potentially transformative experiences.
  • [00:52:09] How Laurie made the choice to have children.
  • [00:56:34] What galvanized Laurie’s trajectory from hard sciences to philosophy?
  • [01:01:14] Recommended reading for the novice philosopher.
  • [01:02:59] An aside defining counterfactuals.
  • [01:07:15] What makes understanding analytic philosophy a worthwhile endeavor?
  • [01:10:29] What readers can expect of Laurie’s book, Transformative Experience.
  • [01:12:30] Epistemology.
  • [01:13:15] How to maintain a passion for philosophy.
  • [01:17:21] Commonly misrepresented philosophical concepts.
  • [01:19:59] Continental philosophy.
  • [01:21:48] Philosophy beyond the academic.
  • [01:23:46] Laurie vs. Agnes Callard.
  • [01:25:34] Aristotle vs. drugs.
  • [01:32:01] Thoughts on life’s final transformative experience: death.
  • [01:35:48] Forgiving the philosophers and other parting thoughts.

MORE L. A. PAUL QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW

“I care very much about the nature of how we live our lives, the kinds of struggles that individual people have. I’m fascinated by the fact that all of us have these internal worlds, and then there’s some way in which we all have these internal worlds, and then these internal worlds have to kind of coexist with the external world, and we have to try to make sense of everything and try to understand other people.”
— L. A. Paul

“Nobody ever argues someone into religious belief or losing it. It’s all about occupying a different conceptual space, and that just foundationally changes the way you understand the world.”
— L. A. Paul

“When we’re walking around being our skin-encapsulated ego, there’s a lot we take for granted.”
— L. A. Paul

“Using the examples of time travel, it can draw out first how we have to think about time in the ordinary sense, because we can contrast it to the possibility of time as having either another dimension or branching, or in some sense, us being able to move against the arrow of time from the past to the future.”
— L. A. Paul

“I think it’s super important to distinguish between our experience of time and time itself. … The easiest way to see the difference is [to] imagine you’re in a really boring lecture and you’re just sitting there like, ‘Oh, this is lasting forever.’ And you look at the clock and you realize you’re only 15 minutes in.”
— L. A. Paul

“You can read all the theory in the world, but when you experience it, it gives you a different way of understanding. And that’s what I’m saying. Just like seeing red for the first time. You can hear all about red, but when you see it you’re like, whoa, wait, there’s something there that’s more. The theory, the words aren’t sufficient to express all of the content.”
— L. A. Paul

The post L.A. Paul — On Becoming a Vampire, Whether or Not to Have Kids, Getting Incredible Mentorship for $250, Transformative Experiences, and More (#796) appeared first on The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss.

For Less Anxiety and More Life, Treat Your To-Do List Like a Diner Menu

2025-02-20 23:40:36

Several years ago, Cal Newport of Deep Work fame recommended that I read Four Thousand WeeksTime Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman.

The first few chapters hooked me, and I devoured it over 48 hours or so, capturing hundreds of Kindle highlights in the process. It’s quite unlike anything I’ve ever read, and one of my favorite chapters is titled “Cosmic Insignificance Therapy,” which Oliver graciously permitted me to share on the blog and on the podcast.

In August 2023, Oliver wrote a piece for his newsletter titled “Lists are menus” that stuck with me, and I have thought about it since. You can find it below.

For more Oliver, subscribe to his newsletter here. In case you missed it, also check out his newest Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts.

Enjoy!

Enter Oliver Burkeman

More and more, I think my issues with conventional productivity advice – indeed, with the very notion of productivity – boil down to this: Spending your days trying to get through a list of things you feel you have to do is a fundamentally joyless and soul-destroying way to live, and most productivity problems, like distraction or procrastination or a lack of motivation, can be understood as internal rebellions against a life spent so dispiritingly. And yet most of what passes for expert advice just involves organizing the list differently, or getting through the list more efficiently. Whereas the real trouble lies in the whole underlying idea of life as a matter of slogging your way through a list.

I realize, of course, that you may not be a “list person” like me, with my long and somewhat ridiculous history of experimenting with lists in notebooks, digital lists, lists organized by context or project or priority, and so on (and so on and so on). But if you adopt a sufficiently broad definition of a to-do list – ie., as any set of things you feel you need to get done – then it’s clear that really, lists are everywhere. Your “to read” pile is a list. A morning routine is a list (of things you think you need to do each morning). That nagging collection of home improvements you keep meaning to get around to? That constitutes a list, too.

Or maybe you’re one of the many people who go through life with a vague sense that there are several important milestones you need to hit before you can truly deem things to be in full working order – to start exercising, find a relationship, work through your childhood issues, sort out your finances? Well, that’s a list, too, in the sense I’m using the word here: a set of tasks you believe you need to get through, in order to feel that everything’s OK.

As every productivity geek knows, there’s a certain pleasure in crossing things off lists. (Some of us have been known to add tasks we’ve already completed, so as to cross those ones off, too.) But in the long run, I don’t think this can make up for the basic joylessness of a life spent doing things in order to have them done – and spent, moreover, in the belief that true peace of mind can only come once they’re all out of the way. Which of course they never are.

All of which leads to a question I’ve found powerful to reflect on: what if we understood our lists as menus instead?

For many years I lived in New York – where, as anyone familiar with the city knows, there’s a kind of diner you can visit at which you’ll be handed a huge menu, bound in fake leather, with perhaps eight or nine laminated pages featuring every imaginable permutation of egg-based dishes, sandwiches, burgers, waffles and salads that the kitchen is capable of conceiving. I love these menus for the sense of crazy abundance they impart. And they help clarify a critical way in which a menu differs from a to-do list: picking just one or two items from a menu is something you get to do, not something you have to do. It’s not a problem that there are so many more things you could order than you’d ever be able to consume in a single visit. It isn’t the case that in an ideal world you’d eat them all, but because you’re not efficient enough at eating you’ve got to settle for just one or two of them, and feel like a failure. That would be ridiculous! The abundance is the point. And the joy is in getting to eat at the restaurant at all.

I take it you can see where this is going when it comes to to-do lists: increasingly, I find myself treating my other lists as menus, too. Your “to read” pile or digital equivalent, for example, is most certainly best understood as a menu – a list of things to pick from, rather than one you have to get through. But the same applies to my list of work projects. Sure, the contents of the menu is constrained by various goals and long-term deadlines. But the daily practice is just to pick something appetizing from the menu, instead of grinding through a list. 

Maybe it’ll come as no surprise to learn I’ve been getting more done this way, too – not least because I’m harnessing the energy of what I feel like doing, rather than suppressing it in order to push onwards through a list.

And here’s the kicker: aren’t all to-do lists really menus anyway, whether I choose to think of them that way or not? After all, if there are vastly more things I could do with any given hour or day than I actually can do – if there are a million ways to build a business, to be a better parent, spouse or citizen, live healthily, and so on, yet only time for a handful of them – then in fact we’re always picking from a menu, even if we delude ourselves that what we’re doing is getting through a list.

One great benefit of doing this more consciously – of facing up to the fact that lists are menus – is that it shifts the source of gratification. The reward of pleasure in your work, or a sense of meaning, no longer gets doled out stingily, in morsels, en route to some hypothetical moment of future fulfillment when the list is complete and you can finally feel fully satisfied. Instead, the real reward comes from getting to pick something from the menu – from getting to dive in to one of the vast range of possibilities the world has to offer, without any expectation of getting through them all, just like the pleasure of sitting down to a good meal. Which means you get to have the reward right now.

Oliver Burkeman is the New York Times bestselling author of Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals (2021) and Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts (2024). He lives in Yorkshire in England. 

Copyright 2023 by Oliver Burkeman. Reprinted with permission.

The post For Less Anxiety and More Life, Treat Your To-Do List Like a Diner Menu appeared first on The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss.

The 4-Hour Workweek Revisited — The End of Time Management (#795)

2025-02-15 00:44:41

This time around, we have a bit of a different format, featuring the book that started it all for me, The 4-Hour Workweek. Readers and listeners often ask me what I would change or update, but an equally interesting question is: what wouldn’t I change? What stands the test of time and hasn’t lost any potency? This episode features one of the most important chapters from the audiobook of The 4-Hour Workweek. It includes tools and frameworks that I use to this day, including Pareto’s Law and Parkinson’s Law. 

The chapter is narrated by the great voice actor Ray Porter. If you are interested in checking out the rest of the audiobook, which is produced and copyrighted by Blackstone Publishing, you can find it on AudibleAppleGoogleSpotifyDownpour.com, or wherever you find your favorite audiobooks.

Please enjoy!

Listen to the episode on Apple PodcastsSpotifyOvercastPodcast AddictPocket CastsCastboxYouTube MusicAmazon MusicAudible, or on your favorite podcast platform.

This episode is brought to you by ExpressVPN high-speed, secure, and anonymous VPN service; Momentous high-quality supplements; and Helix Sleep premium mattresses.

#795: The 4-Hour Workweek Revisited — The End of Time Management

This episode is brought to you by ExpressVPN. I’ve been using ExpressVPN to make sure that my data is secure and encrypted, without slowing my Internet speed. If you ever use public Wi-Fi at, say, a hotel or a coffee shop, where I often work and as many of my listeners do, you’re often sending data over an open network, meaning no encryption at all.

A great way to ensure that all of your data are encrypted and can’t be easily read by hackers is by using ExpressVPN. All you need to do is download the ExpressVPN app on your computer or smartphone and then use the Internet just as you normally would. You click one button in the ExpressVPN app to secure 100% of your network data. Use my link ExpressVPN.com/Tim today and get an extra three months free on a one-year package!


This episode is brought to you by Momentous high-quality supplements! Momentous offers high-quality supplements and products across a broad spectrum of categories, and I’ve been testing their products for months now. I’ve been using their magnesium threonateapigenin, and L-theanine daily, all of which have helped me improve the onset, quality, and duration of my sleep. I’ve also been using Momentous creatine, and while it certainly helps physical performance, including poundage or wattage in sports, I use it primarily for mental performance (short-term memory, etc.).

Their products are third-party tested (Informed-Sport and/or NSF certified), so you can trust that what is on the label is in the bottle and nothing else. If you want to try Momentous for yourself, you can use code Tim for 20% off your one-time purchase at LiveMomentous.com/TimAnd not to worry, my non-US friends, Momentous ships internationally and has you covered. 


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Want to hear another episode that features content straight from The 4-Hour Workweek? Listen here for the three chapters preceding this one that cover how to get uncommon results by doing the opposite, aiming with precision, and aiming for the unrealistic.


What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

SHOW NOTES

  • [00:05:27] E is for Elimination.
  • [00:05:46] The end of time management.
  • [00:07:57] How you will use productivity.
  • [00:10:36] Being effective vs. being efficient.
  • [00:12:12] Pareto and his garden: 80/20 and freedom from futility.
  • [00:24:01] The 9-5 Illusion and Parkinson’s Law.
  • [00:31:41] A dozen cupcakes and one question.
  • [00:34:47] Questions and actions.
  • [00:35:05] Define a to-do list and a not-to-do list.
  • [00:35:41] If you had a heart attack and had to work two hours per day, what would you do?
  • [00:36:33] If you had a second heart attack and had to work two hours per week, what would you do?
  • [00:36:42] If you had a gun to your head and had to stop doing 4/5 of different time-consuming activities, what would you remove?
  • [00:37:21] What are the top-three activities that you use to fill time to feel as though you’ve been productive?
  • [00:37:45] Who are the 20% of people who produce 80% of your enjoyment and propel you forward, and which 20% cause 80% of your depression, anger, and second-guessing?
  • [00:40:16] If this is the only thing you accomplish today, will you be satisfied with your day?
  • [00:41:47] Are you inventing things to do to avoid the important?
  • [00:42:25] Do not multitask.
  • [00:43:17] Use Parkinson’s Law on a macro and micro level.
  • [00:44:45] Comfort challenge: Learn to propose.
  • [00:45:39] Lifestyle design in action.

PEOPLE MENTIONED

The post The 4-Hour Workweek Revisited — The End of Time Management (#795) appeared first on The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss.

Brandon Sanderson on Building a Fiction Empire, Creating $40M+ Kickstarter Campaigns, Unbreakable Habits, The Art of World-Building, and The Science of Magic Systems (#794)

2025-02-06 04:08:19

“Always err on the side of what’s awesome.”
— Brandon Sanderson

Brandon Sanderson (@BrandSanderson) is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Stormlight Archive series and the Mistborn saga; the middle-grade series Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians; and the young-adult novels The Rithmatist, the Reckoners trilogy, and the Skyward series. He has sold more than 40 million books in 35 languages, and he is a four-time nominee for the Hugo Awards, winning in 2013 for his novella The Emperor’s Soul. That same year, he was chosen to complete Robert Jordan’s The Wheel of Time series, culminating in A Memory of Light.

Brandon cohosts (with fellow author Dan Wells) the popular Intentionally Blank podcast and teaches creative writing at Brigham Young University.

Please enjoy!

Listen to the episode on Apple PodcastsSpotifyOvercastPodcast AddictPocket CastsCastboxYouTube MusicAmazon MusicAudible, or on your favorite podcast platform. Watch the interview on YouTube.

This episode is brought to you by Cresset prestigious family office for CEOs, founders, and entrepreneurs; Seed’s DS-01® Daily Synbiotic broad spectrum 24-strain probiotic + prebiotic; Wealthfront high-yield cash account.

The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.

#794: Brandon Sanderson on Building a Fiction Empire, Creating $40M+ Kickstarter Campaigns, Unbreakable Habits, The Art of World-Building, and The Science of Magic Systems

This episode is brought to you by Cresset Family Office! Listeners have heard me talk about “making before you manage” for years. And for me—as a writer and entrepreneur—I definitely gravitate toward making. So it’s important that I find the right people who are great at managing. That’s why I trust this episode’s sponsor, Cresset Family Office

Cresset is a prestigious family office for CEOs, founders, and entrepreneurs. They handle the complex financial planning, uncertain tax strategies, timely exit planning, bill pay and wires, and all the other parts of wealth management that would otherwise pull me away from doing what I love most: making things, mastering skills, and spending time with the people I care about.  Experience the freedom of focusing on what matters to you with the support of a top wealth management team. Schedule a call today at cressetcapital.com/Tim to see how Cresset can help streamline your financial plans and grow your wealth.

I’m a client of Cresset. There are no material conflicts other than this paid testimonial. All investing involves risk, including loss of principal.


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Tim Ferriss receives cash compensation from Wealthfront Brokerage, LLC for advertising and holds a non-controlling equity interest in the corporate parent of Wealthfront Brokerage. See full disclosures here.


Want to hear an episode with another publishing-savvy worldbuilder? Listen to my interview with Silo author Hugh Howey in which we discussed breaking formula with a literary sleight of hand, the benefits of buying back rights and self-publishing, why authors should strive for a reader-first vs. publisher-first mindset, how authors can find deal leverage early on, fiction that inspires better writing, keys to fruitful collaboration, AI’s present-and-future impact on publishing, and much more.


What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

  • Connect with Brandon Sanderson:

Website | YouTube

Books

Movies

Shows

  • Writing Excuses (Podcast): A podcast about the craft of writing, featuring Brandon Sanderson and other authors.
  • Whose Line Is It Anyway?: An improv comedy show that Brandon Sanderson uses as inspiration for his writing exercises.
  • Game of Thrones: A fantasy TV series based on the books by George R.R. Martin, known for its complex characters and unpredictable plot.
  • Arcane: A fantasy TV series that features a magepunk aesthetic, where magic is combined with technology.
  • The Colbert Report: A satirical news show that once featured Brandon Sanderson’s picture in a segment about zeppelins.
  • The History Channel: A TV channel that Brandon Sanderson’s former editor, Moshe, used to watch as a form of self-medication.

Institutions

  • Brigham Young University: The university Brandon Sanderson attended and currently teaches a creative writing class.
  • Creative Commons: The nonprofit behind the licenses and tools the world uses to share.
  • The Hugo Awards: The Academy Awards of science fiction and fantasy, where Brandon Sanderson once received a pin from Cory Doctorow.

Concepts

Companies and Organizations

  • Dragonsteel: Brandon’s company, which handles the production and distribution of his books and merchandise.
  • The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: The religious organization to which Brandon belongs, which influenced his decision to go on a mission to Korea.
  • Celsius: A science fiction and fantasy convention in Spain that Brandon has attended.
  • Macmillan: The parent company of Tor, which was involved in a dispute with Amazon over ebook pricing.
  • Tor: Brandon’s primary publisher for his fantasy novels.
  • Kickstarter: A crowdfunding platform that Brandon has used to successfully fund the publication of his books.
  • USA Today: A national newspaper that once featured a story about zeppelins, which led to Brandon’s picture appearing on The Colbert Report.
  • Book Talk: A book review website that has helped drive sales of Brandon ‘s book, Tress of the Emerald Sea.
  • Reactor: Tor’s publicity website where Brandon releases chapters of his work in progress.
  • Hacker News: Y Combinator’s social news website focusing on computer science and entrepreneurship.
  • ACX: An all-in-one marketplace for independent audiobook creators.
  • Random House Audio: The audiobook publisher that Brandon works with.
  • Discord: A social media platform that Brandon uses to communicate with his beta readers.
  • Steam: A digital distribution platform for video games, which Brandon uses to play games in his free time.

Additional Helpful Items

SHOW NOTES

  • [00:00:00] Who is Brandon Sanderson?
  • [00:07:10] How “50 Nifty United States” became Brandon’s default soundcheck.
  • [00:08:14] Brandon’s unusual memory.
  • [00:09:12] Optimizing productivity.
  • [00:11:20] Brandon’s Seoul connection and how it informed his creative process.
  • [00:13:03] Why Korean is an ideal starter Asian language for Westerners.
  • [00:16:32] Creating worlds’ worth of conlangs (constructed languages) without succumbing to worldbuilder’s disease.
  • [00:20:34] The game-changing influence of David Farland.
  • [00:25:27] Brandon’s approach to teaching creative writing and publishing insights.
  • [00:25:27] Brandon’s approach to teaching creative writing and publishing insights.
  • [00:28:23] Writing styles: gardeners vs. architects.
  • [00:30:34] Helping students navigate past writing roadblocks.
  • [00:33:51] Brandon’s average daily word count.
  • [00:37:57] What made Brandon want to become a writer?
  • [00:45:32] Brandon’s journey from a C Student to an A Student.
  • [00:46:45] We trade stories about the influence of great teachers.
  • [00:48:48] Teaching students how to understand narrative and plot.
  • [00:54:38] Recommended reading for narrative building.
  • [00:56:05] Brandon is part gardener, part architect who takes inspiration from improv.
  • [00:56:47] The art of character development — what happens when it goes right (and wrong).
  • [01:09:41] Finding a balance between personal and professional life.
  • [01:14:14] Why did Brandon and his wife build the Dragonsteel company?
  • [01:18:20] What characterizes an epic fantasy?
  • [01:19:38] Aside: Brandon’s Joe Abercrombie story.
  • [01:22:55] Brandon’s financial realities as a prolific but relatively unknown writer.
  • [01:25:57] Hitting the bestseller list and adapting to an Amazon-dominated publishing world.
  • [01:29:03] Brandon’s DIY approach to changing an inflexible industry on his own terms.
  • [01:33:21] Sure, time is money. But how much is that worth?
  • [01:36:43] Team building, remainder recycling, runaway crowdfunding success, and lessons learned.
  • [01:47:48] The escape velocity of attention.
  • [01:52:22] How COVID helped Brandon reclaim creative freedom and family time.
  • [02:00:32] Brandon’s viral video “confession.”
  • [02:02:53] The Colbert Report (sort of) cameo.
  • [02:03:48] Outperforming Kickstarter expectations and shipping limited run subscription boxes.
  • [02:09:01] Test readers and the feedback process.
  • [02:15:36] Warbreaker and the Creative Commons experiment.
  • [02:22:50] Navigating the sordid world of publishing deals and platforms.
  • [02:33:26] How Brandon got tapped to complete the celebrated Wheel of Time series.
  • [02:43:57] How Mistborn went from floundering to flourishing.
  • [02:45:02] Building an audience that would follow Brandon anywhere in The Cosmere.
  • [02:48:26] The dreaded publishing Death Spiral.
  • [02:52:16] Why Brandon finds magic systems to be an integral part of his worldbuilding.
  • [03:00:32] Sanderson’s Three Laws of Magic.
  • [03:14:12] The Zeroth Law and final thoughts.

MORE BRANDON SANDERSON QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW

“Something changed in me that day. I went from a C student to an A student over summer. … Why that change? Because I discovered stories about wizards. I discovered there was something I wanted to do. There was now a reason to get good grades.”
— Brandon Sanderson

“Promise, progress, payoff. That is what makes people love stories and read through on a macro scale.”
— Brandon Sanderson

“One important mindset that is kind of a ground rule is remembering, as a writer, that the piece of art is not necessarily just the story you’re creating, that you are the piece of art. The time you spend writing is improving you as a writer and that is the most important thing. The book is almost a side product … to the fact that you are the art. And if you know that, it helps a lot.”
— Brandon Sanderson

“My superpower is to be an artist raised by an accountant, and I’ve always had a bit of that entrepreneurial sense.”
— Brandon Sanderson

“I heard that your first five books are generally terrible. I said, ‘Well, that’s good. I don’t have to be good yet.’ It took a lot of pressure off me. I said, ‘I’m going to write six, and the first five I’m not going to send out to any publishers.'”
— Brandon Sanderson

“If you even want to reach your own audience, you have to have an escape velocity of attention. You have to break through these barriers preventing even your fan base from seeing what’s happening.”
— Brandon Sanderson

“Can you dig a little deeper into who this character is, instead of adding a new one to make your story wider, but more shallow?”
— Brandon Sanderson

“What are you going to get when you come to one of my books? You’re going to get science-fiction worldbuilding and a fantasy story. You’re going to get people discovering how magic works that’s repeatable, and they’re going to be able to use it in order to solve problems and make their lives better.”
— Brandon Sanderson

“Always err on the side of what’s awesome.”
— Brandon Sanderson

PEOPLE MENTIONED

Isaac Asimov
Mary Robinette Kowal
Emily Sanderson
Sejong the Great
George Washington
J.R.R. Tolkien
Paul Frommer
George R.R. Martin
David Farland
Stephen King
Orson Scott Card
Steven Soderbergh
Gail M. Reeder
Barbara Hambly
Michael Whelan
Hayao Miyazaki
Michael Jordan
Barbara Sanderson
Karen Dress
Masatoshi Shimano
Robert Jordan
Scott Meredith
Frodo Baggins
Sauron
Kelsier
Rashek
Vin
The Artful Dodger
Patrick Rothfuss
Terry Pratchett
Michael Moorcock
Tom Doherty
Howard Tayler
Becky Wilson
Adam Horne
Kara Stewart
Guy Gavriel Kay
William Goldman
William Shakespeare
Stephen Colbert
Peter Ahlstrom
Karen Ahlstrom
Cory Doctorow
Hugh Howey
Harriet McDougal Rigney
Fred Saberhagen
Moshe Feder
Elise Matthesen
Jane Yolen
Hoid
Robin Hobb
Jim Butcher
Scott Lynch
Isaac Newton
Frederick Winslow Taylor
Arthur C. Clarke
Superman/Clark Kent
Gandalf
J.K. Rowling
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Luke Skywalker
Durin’s Bane
Peter Jackson
Boromir
Samwise Gamgee
Philip Pullman
Lyra Belacqua
Sazed
Lois Lane

The post Brandon Sanderson on Building a Fiction Empire, Creating $40M+ Kickstarter Campaigns, Unbreakable Habits, The Art of World-Building, and The Science of Magic Systems (#794) appeared first on The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss.