On Sunday, when it was reported that the filmmaker Rob Reiner and his wife, Michele Singer Reiner, had been stabbed to death at their home in Los Angeles, the news seemed so senseless and baffling, so at odds with Reiner’s lovable image, that it didn’t properly compute. Who could possibly want to kill Rob Reiner, that big comedic Teddy bear, the closest thing America had to a collective dad? The subsequent revelation that the Reiners’ son Nick was allegedly responsible for their deaths is as terribly sad as it is sordid.
The news was especially jarring because Reiner’s relationship with his own famous father had always seemed so enviably affectionate. Reiner was born in 1947, in the Bronx, the oldest child of the comedian Carl Reiner and the actress and singer Estelle Reiner. (Estelle would later achieve cinematic immortality in Reiner’s classic film “When Harry Met Sally,” as the woman who deadpans, “I’ll have what she’s having,” after Meg Ryan simulates an orgasm at Katz’s Deli.) Publicly, the Reiner men made an adorable couple. A 1979 issue of People had the cover line “Famous Fathers, Loving Sons,” next to a photo of Carl pinching Rob’s cheek. Especially in Carl’s later years, they liked to pose with their arms around each other, their bald heads pressed warmly together like two big speckled eggs. During COVID quarantine, in 2020, Carl participated in a star-studded online reënactment of Rob’s movie “The Princess Bride.” In the final scene, Rob, tucked under the covers in bed, plays the role of a young grandson, and Carl plays his grandfather. “As you wish,” Carl says, with a tip of his fedora, when his large adult son, with moving plaintiveness, asks if he can come back to read to him the next day. Carl died soon after, at ninety-eight.
As a kid, Reiner idolized Carl and the work that he made. In a recent interview on “Fresh Air,” Reiner said that once, as a little boy, he informed his parents that he wanted to change his name. They anxiously asked him what it would be. “Carl,” Reiner told them. Even as a teen-ager, when most kids want nothing to do with their parents, he would come home from school and listen to “The 2000 Year Old Man,” the era-defining comedy album that Carl made with his friend Mel Brooks. But Carl could be distant, cold, tough. He made it clear that his son had to earn his respect. Curiously enough, the first time that Reiner won his father’s admiration was when he directed a production of the existentialist play “No Exit” while he was a student at U.C.L.A. Carl “came backstage after the performance, and he looked me in the eye, and he said, ‘That was good. No bull,’ ” Reiner recalled. It was Sartre, not Sid Caesar, but it did the trick.
In college, Reiner was drawn to improv, and at twenty-one he was hired, alongside Steve Martin, to write for “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour.” Two years later, he got a crack at fame when Norman Lear—who was “like a second father,” Reiner said—cast him as Michael (Meathead) Stivic, Archie Bunker’s liberal son-in-law in “All in the Family.” This was the early seventies, the peak of the United States’s monoculture; at its height, the show was watched by nearly a third of all Americans. I wasn’t among them—too young. But I will never forget sitting in a movie theatre, forty years later, when Reiner got his own chance to play a voluble, scene-stealing father as (Mad) Max Belfort, the accountant dad of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Jordan Belfort, in Martin Scorsese’s “The Wolf of Wall Street.” In two minutes of ranting and raving about his degenerate son’s twenty-six-thousand-dollar dinner bill, Reiner gave an indelible comedic performance destined to be quoted for years to come. He took his casting in stride. “When you’re looking [for] somebody to play the son of me, you want somebody to be really handsome,” he deadpanned to an interviewer at the time. “If you look past the old, the fat, and the bald, what you see is Leonardo DiCaprio.”
After “All in the Family” ended, Reiner wanted to make his own work, not merely appear in someone else’s. What followed was one of the great stretches of popular moviemaking, starting in 1984 with “This Is Spinal Tap,” which reinvented the now ubiquitous mockumentary format, and running through “A Few Good Men,” in 1992. The movies that Reiner made during that span are the kinds of films that accompany people throughout their lives. They are comfort watches in the best sense: classics that entertain, tickle, and console, that can be watched a hundred times over and still give pleasure.
At the top of my own Reiner canon are “The Princess Bride,” from 1987, and “When Harry Met Sally,” from 1989. Reiner, a passionate fan of William Goldman, adapted the former from Goldman’s novel of the same name. For those who have not yet had the pleasure, allow me to set the scene. Our heroine is Buttercup (Robin Wright), a beautiful maiden from the mythical land of Florin. Our hero is her one true love, Westley (Cary Elwes), a farm boy who uncomplainingly carries out her every demand and goes to sea to earn his fortune, only to be captured by pirates. Our villain is Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon), who, in Westley’s absence, chooses Buttercup as his bride. As the lovers struggle to reunite, we encounter a kindly giant, a valiant Spaniard, a dastardly six-fingered man, and the repeated use of the word “inconceivable.” These elements are all there in Goldman’s book, but Reiner brings them to life with a kind of magical, theatrically inventive touch, redolent of Old Hollywood, that the age of C.G.I. has all but destroyed. The Rodents of Unusual Size that attack Westley in a swamp work because they are played by small men in rodent suits, rather than coolly conjured from pixels; their deliberate artifice is the thrill, and Reiner provided the voice for their hideous snorts.
What Reiner added to Goldman’s tale was a clever framing device: he presents it as a story read by a grandfather to his grandson, sick in bed, who serves as an avatar for the viewers, and allows the fantasy to be at first punctured, then enhanced, by the more banal reality of our own recognizable world. (“Murdered by pirates is good,” the grandson says, hopefully, when Westley appears to have been done away with, five minutes in.) You can see the influence of Sid Caesar, Mel Brooks, and, naturally, Carl Reiner all over the movie, especially in the casting: the utterly un-Sicilian Wallace Shawn as Vizzini the Sicilian, and Billy Crystal as the warty healer Miracle Max, who speaks with the intonation of a Lower East Side streetcart peddler. This tale of two classically beautiful, blond lovers is spiked with a distinctly Jewish sense of humor, one that carries from the Yiddish theatre of the early twentieth century up through “Your Show of Shows” and “Blazing Saddles.” It’s pure American amalgamation—delectable sugar, with just the right amount of salt. By the end, of course, the kid is totally swept up in the adventure, and so are we.

“When Harry Met Sally” is a fairy tale, too—the kind that grownups, this one included, can’t help wanting to believe. What it lacks in sword fights and horseback rides it makes up for with cable-knit sweaters and strolls through Central Park in fall. In 1977, Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) meets Sally Albright (Meg Ryan), after they have just graduated from the University of Chicago. They drive together to New York to begin their adult lives. Harry, who is dating Sally’s friend, makes a pass at Sally. Sally, scandalized, turns him down, and proposes the consolation prize of friendship. Impossible, Harry says. Men and women can’t ever truly be friends; sex always gets in the way. Harry and Sally part; they fall in love with other people; they live their lives. Ten years later, they meet again and click—platonically, they’re sure. Maybe they’re destined to be the best of friends and nothing more. Or, maybe not.
The film is usually associated with Nora Ephron, who wrote the screenplay, and for good reason. There’s the crackling wittiness of the dialogue, and the ingenuity of its construction: all those false starts, in friendship and in love. But it wouldn’t be the same movie without Reiner. He was the template for the bristly, sardonic Harry, as Ephron was for the neurotic yet starry-eyed Sally. And he was responsible, once again, for the all-important casting. Ryan, then relatively unknown, had the part as soon as she read. But Reiner auditioned actor after actor before coming around to Crystal, in spite—or, maybe because of—their close friendship. On paper, the diminutive Crystal hardly screams “romantic lead.” Onscreen, he lets us glimpse the tender heart that Harry is protecting beneath his cynical crust; he makes smart sexy. For my money, the scene in the movie’s final five minutes, in which Harry lets down his guard and confronts Sally with his feelings at a New Year’s Eve party, is the most comic and romantic in any romantic comedy. “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible,” Harry tells Sally—the rationalist’s concession to the ludicrous illogic of love.
It could have gone a different way. Until late in the game, Reiner was planning a final shot in which the two friends would simply walk away from each other, off into their own separate futures. That’s life. Harry would be right to be bitter; Sally’s optimism was for rubes. Reiner himself had been single for a decade, and he didn’t see his luck changing any time soon. Then it did. He was introduced to Michele Singer during filming. They were married in May, 1989, two months before “When Harry Met Sally” premièred. Reiner gave his audience that most delightful and elusive thing: a perfect ending. He should have had the same. ♦





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