2025-06-26 17:14:56
Our ancestors faced relatively few choices in their daily lives, especially when it comes to entertainment options. Today, we have access to an endless buffet of content and social events.
Each year, over 50,000 concerts take place in the United States. More than 140 artists performed at Coachella alone. Netflix offers more than 5,000 films and 2,500 series. Meanwhile, U.S. publishers release approximately 275,000 new titles annually.
This explosion of choice has created a new form of psychological overwhelm that our brains weren’t designed to handle.
So when I saw a tweet from someone at Vibecamp about a new term—YAMA, or “You’re Always Missing Out”—something clicked. Here’s how they described it: “since you’re always already missing out on something, there’s no use in worrying about that which you may be missing. do as you like with no regrets!”
(and no I don’t know why the person who coined it didn’t go with YAMO)
When faced with too many options, we experience what psychologists call “choice overload”, a phenomenon where having more choices actually decreases our satisfaction and increases anxiety. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, becomes overtaxed when processing numerous alternatives, leading to heightened stress responses.
Some evolutionary psychologists believe that this heightened stress response might have been adaptive. In small hunter-gatherer communities, failing to participate in social activities could have serious consequences for survival and reproductive success.
But in today’s world, these same mechanisms are constantly triggered by an overwhelming array of experiences we could pursue, from Netflix’s thousands of titles to countless travel destinations, learning opportunities, and social events.
The result is time anxiety: the fear that we’re not making the most of our limited time. This creates a cycle where every choice feels urgent, yet no single choice can satisfy our sense that we should be doing more.
YAMA (You’re Always Missing Out) differs from JOMO (the Joy of Missing Out) in important ways. JOMO helps when you’re deciding whether to attend a specific event. But YAMA is more universal, applying whether you’re choosing between TV shows, deciding which artist to see at a festival, or browsing books to choose your next read.
(may I recommend Tiny Experiments?)
JOMO is based on active choice. YAMA can be about going with the flow: since you’re always missing something anyway, there’s no point in being anxious about it. YAMA may also be more sustainable because it doesn’t require manufacturing positive emotions. While JOMO asks you to find joy in missing out, YAMA simply asks you to accept that experiencing everything is impossible.
I think that’s what I like the most about this concept: YAMA recognizes that missing out is a fundamental part of the human condition. Rather than fighting this reality or trying to optimize around it, YAMA suggests simply accepting that we’re finite creatures in an infinite world.
YAMA works across many situations, whether you’re choosing what to watch, which event to attend, or what to learn next. Here’s how to apply it:
1) Before the activity: Acknowledge that by choosing one option, you’re necessarily not choosing countless others, and that’s okay. Take a moment to remind yourself that in your current reality with our known laws of physics, you simply don’t have access to all possible experiences. This simple recognition takes the pressure off optimizing for the absolute best use of your time.
2) During the activity: When you notice your mind wandering to other possibilities or comparing your current experience to what you might be missing, gently redirect your attention to the current activity. The idea isn’t to force joy, but simply to stay present with your actual experience instead of worrying about alternative ones you’re missing.
3) After the activity: Resist the urge to evaluate whether you made the “right” choice or to immediately seek validation through social media or even planning the next activity. Instead, acknowledge that you had one specific experience out of many possible ones, and that this limitation is inherent to life as a human being.
Pay attention to how different ways of choosing actually make you feel. Experiment with various approaches: sometimes research your options thoroughly, other times pick randomly, and occasionally let friends choose or simply go with whatever’s right in front of you.
When done intentionally, these different approaches can teach you that how you choose often matters less than you think, and that releasing control can be surprisingly freeing.
What’s most liberating about YAMA is its honesty about the human condition. We have limited time, attention, and capacity for experience. No amount of productivity hacking or careful planning will change that.
By accepting our constraints rather than fighting them, we can choose from curiosity instead of anxiety, and perhaps discover that missing out isn’t the problem we thought it was.
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2025-06-19 16:08:24
Traditional education teaches us what to think, not how to think. We memorize facts for tests, then forget them. We follow instructions instead of designing our own learning paths. Nobody teaches us the most important skill of all: learning how to learn.
This gap matters because skills become obsolete faster than ever. The technology you learned last year might already be outdated. The strategy that worked yesterday might fail tomorrow. What remains constant is your ability to experiment, reflect, and iterate.
Understanding how your brain actually learns has never been more important. Your brain operates in two distinct modes that work together to help you master new material:
But we now face unprecedented challenges that complicate this natural process. We have access to infinite information but struggle to filter what’s valuable. The very abundance that should accelerate our learning often paralyzes it instead.
AI is fundamentally reshaping this landscape. Memorizing facts is becoming less important than knowing how to ask the right questions and evaluate AI-generated responses. Yet this same technology that can accelerate learning also risks creating dependency if we don’t learn to leverage it strategically.
Complicating matters further, not everyone’s brain works the same way. For instance, neurodivergent people can be hyperfocused and hypercurious but struggle with sustained attention on uninteresting topics. These aren’t deficits to overcome—they’re cognitive differences that require adapted environments.
The key is understanding how your unique brain works in this new landscape and designing learning strategies that work with your natural patterns while leveraging the tools available to you.
Learning how to learn comes down to three essential practices that compound over time. Rather than chasing learning hacks, focus on these three fundamental practices that work regardless of what you’re learning or how your brain is wired.
1. Experimentation. Instead of passively absorbing information, actively try new approaches by conducting tiny experiments. Just use the following format to design a mini-protocol: “I will [action] for [duration].” By experimenting, you will gather data about what works for your brain instead of copy-pasting someone else’s approach.
2. Metacognition. This is the practice of observing your own thinking. It’s what allows you to notice how your mind moves through uncertainty. The simplest way to build metacognitive awareness is to reflect on your experience. What worked well? What didn’t go so well? What might you try differently next time? You can use Plus Minus Next as a simple template anytime growth is possible.
3. Iteration. Learning compounds by making adjustments after each experiment. You drop what didn’t feel right, build on what did, and try a slightly different version. Over time, you’ll notice what energizes you, what pulls you forward, and what holds you back, allowing you to stay in conversation with yourself, one growth loop at a time.
In a world where knowledge changes faster than we can master it, your most valuable skill isn’t what you know—it’s how you learn.
Whether you’re picking up a new language, navigating a career shift, or simply trying to stay curious in a noisy world, learning how to learn is the foundation that will support it all.
Experiment, reflect, adjust. Do this consistently, with curiosity and intention and you’ll soon realize you don’t need a map. You just need an experimental mindset.
P.S. There is also a great course on Coursera called Learning How to Learn, taught by Dr. Barbara Oakley and Dr. Terrence Sejnowski.
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2025-06-11 17:10:00
When I was a kid, I used to think I was doing much better at tests when using a particular pencil my sister had gifted me. So I would make sure to use this pen for every test.
I have a friend who thinks that city people are generally rude. So when he meets a rude stranger, he assumes they must have grown up in a city. These illusory correlations are all around us, and we use them more often than we realise.
Originally coined by Loren Chapman and Jean Chapman – yes, they share the same last name – the term “illusory correlation” describes our tendency to overestimate relationships between two variables even when no such relationship exists. Why do we do this?
Illusory correlations feel like simple rules of thumb to use in decision-making. It’s especially true in fast-paced environments where we don’t have enough mental energy to take the time to think.
For example, Dr. David Mandell of the Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh found that 69% of surgical nurses in his study believed that a full moon led to more chaos – and hospital admissions that night.
“In any high-stress, fast-paced field like medicine, superstitions run rampant when you feel a loss of control. This is especially true of emergency environments because you never know what will walk in. You need some way to explain the unpredictability of your environment.” — Dr. David Mandell.
When stressed or tired, we use a mental shortcut and use the most easily accessible information when evaluating a specific topic or decision. We feel like if something easily comes to mind, it must be important, or at least more important than alternative pieces of information which are not as easily recalled. And so we make connections and correlations where none exist.
We fall prey to illusory correlations in many areas of our lives, often without realising it. We may even feel like we’re being smart by spotting connections where nobody else seems to have noticed!
As you can see, most of these illusory correlations can be rationalised. Fridays are bad for interviews because all interviewers are tired after a long week of work. The football player may have won the game while wearing these shoes because they are more comfortable.
And that’s the point: illusory correlations are powerful because it’s easy to rationalise them.
When are we most likely to fall prey to illusory correlations? A great way to spot these is to borrow from the field of statistics and use a contingency table. I borrowed the matrix below from a research paper about causal illusions, which are similar to illusory correlations but take it a step further by assuming causation.
A. The effect (winning a game, failing an interview, or having lots of hospital admissions) is present, and the potential cause (yellow socks, Friday, full moon) is present as well. As discussed earlier, the availability heuristic makes this combination striking and memorable. We are most likely in this case to create an illusory correlation. When I was wearing these socks, I won that game. When I interviewed on a Friday, I failed to get that job, etc.
B. The effect is not present (you don’t win a game or fail an interview), so you don’t spend time trying to find an explanation. This is a non-event.
C. The effect is present, but the potential cause isn’t. We tend to dismiss these as there is no immediately available information that would help us create a reassuring rule of thumb.
D. Both the effect and the potential cause are absent. We rarely stop to think when things go smoothly, so we mostly ignore these occurrences.
Only the first cell causes us to imagine a correlation where none exists. Something happens, a potential cause is present, and voilà – you got yourself the perfect recipe for an illusory correlation.
The issue is that these illusory correlations then drive many of our decisions. So, next time you hear yourself saying “when I do X, Y happens” take a few minutes to pause and think. Is there really a correlation between the event and what you imagine being the cause? Could Y be explained by another cause? Could Y have happened just because it did?
Just take a few minutes to think aloud or write it down in your note-taking app.
Challenging your assumptions is essential in order to uncover hidden patterns that drive your thinking without you being aware of the powerful mechanics inside your mind. This metacognitive practice takes some effort, especially when we’re stressed and tired, but it’s often well worth the extra mental energy if you’re basing a big decision on that assumption.
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2025-06-04 16:26:00
Plans fall apart. Flights get canceled. People let us down. And we often react automatically: irritation, anxiety, disappointment. But sometimes, we succeed in stepping back and reinterpret what’s happening, and suddenly it all feels much more manageable.
That shift doesn’t mean you’re ignoring reality or pretending things are fine. It means you’re seeing the same situation through a different lens. And when you change the lens, you often change the emotion.
Psychologists call that shift “cognitive reappraisal” and it’s a powerful practice which you can learn to use more often, whenever you face inner resistance or a challenging situation.
Cognitive reappraisal is a way of reinterpreting a situation in order to change its emotional impact. It’s one of the most effective strategies for managing emotions. Instead of trying to suppress how you feel, you change the story behind the feeling.
Psychologist James Gross, a key figure in this research, has shown that cognitive reappraisal leads to better emotional outcomes than just trying to push feelings away. People who use it regularly tend to be less anxious, less depressed, and more resilient.
It’s not about being overly positive. It’s about being flexible in how you think, and seeing a situation from a different perspective, for example going from ‘this delay is ruining everything’ to ‘this gives me unexpected time to rest’, or from ‘I failed’ to ‘I learned something useful.’
This process involves the prefrontal cortex helping to regulate the amygdala, the part of the brain involved in processing emotional intensity. When you reframe a situation, you’re influencing how your brain processes and responds to the situation emotionally.
Over time, cognitive reappraisal can help you to respond more calmly when things don’t go as expected and stay grounded in situations that might otherwise feel overwhelming.
Knowing that cognitive reappraisal is helpful is one thing, but how do you actually do it when you’re in the moment? Here are three steps you can try the next time something throws you off.
Step 1: Zoom out. Ask yourself: Will this still matter next week? Next year? Ten years from now? Most of the time, the answer is no – or at least, not as much as it feels like it does in the moment. Zooming out puts things in perspective and helps reduce emotional intensity by activating brain areas involved in reflection.
Step 2: Flip the frame. Explore whether there might be another way to look at the situation. What’s something good that could come from this situation? Maybe it’s an opportunity you didn’t expect. Maybe it’s just a funny story you’ll tell later. Flipping the frame will help you change how it feels.
Step 3: Shift your inner dialogue. We often blame ourselves when things don’t go to plan. If someone you cared about were in your shoes, what would you say to them? Probably something kind, calm, and reassuring. Use that same tone with yourself. It helps interrupt the spiral and ground you in a more self-compassionate mindset.
Cognitive reappraisal doesn’t make bad experiences go away, but it gives you a better way to meet them. It’s not always easy, but even one small shift in perspective can change the entire emotional experience.
Next time something goes wrong, try looking at it from a slightly different angle. It won’t change what happened, but it can change how you carry it, and with practice that simple shift will become less effortful and more instinctive.
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2025-05-29 20:03:48
Deep down, we know we want to live more creatively, more intentionally, and more playfully. We want to learn, grow, and adapt. We want to experiment.
But life is busy. Responsibilities pile up. The idea of making big changes can feel overwhelming or even reckless.
So we seek structured frameworks and cling to routines and well-worn paths, not because they’re necessarily working, but because they’re familiar and reassuring.
What if, instead of trying to fix everything at once, we got curious and tried something small. That’s the magic of a tiny experiment.
A tiny experiment isn’t a complete overhaul of your life. It’s a low-risk repeated action you take to learn something new, spark a shift, or test a possibility. It’s how you can make change not only manageable, but fun. Read on if you’d like to try it out but you’re not quite sure how to find good ideas for experiments.
Like scientists testing a hypothesis, you’re just testing a possibility, which requires you to decide what you will test (the action) and for how many trials (the duration). Then, to design you mini-protocol for personal personal experimentation, you just need to make a simple, actionable pact:
I will [action] for [duration]
Borrowing its spirit from the scientific method, a good tiny experiment is:
Whether it works as expected or not, every tiny experiment will lead to new discoveries. Over time, this experimental mindset builds adaptability and a sense of agency. You’re not waiting for the perfect conditions, you’re creating momentum by trying things out, one experiment at a time.
It’s one thing to understand the value of experimentation, but it’s another to come up with ideas in the middle of a hectic week. Fortunately, there are prompts hiding in plain sight everywhere in your life. These five methods will help identify these prompts so you can design tiny experiments tailored to your own unique ambitions:
1. Practice self-anthropology. Start noticing your own behavior like a curious anthropologist. What energizes you? What drains you? For instance, if you always hit an afternoon slump, try a 10-minute walk for 10 days instead of relying on caffeine. If you dread a recurring meeting, try changing how you prepare for it. Every behavior is a possible experiment waiting to be explored.
2. Notice fixed mindsets. When you catch yourself saying things like “I’m just not creative” or “I could never do that”, you’ve found prime territory for experimentation. What’s a small, repeatable action you could take to challenge that belief? If you think you’re “bad at networking,” try reaching out to one person you admire every Monday. No agenda, just curiosity.
3. Borrow inspiration from others. What have others tried that seems interesting, useful, or a little weird in a good way? Whether it’s something a friend mentioned, a habit from a book, or a technique you read about in a newsletter, you can turn it into a tiny experiment. Try this action for a specific duration. Keep what works, ditch what doesn’t.
4. Use constraints as catalysts. Constraints can be annoying, or they can be fuel for experimentation. Limited time, limited budget, limited energy? Ask: Given my current constraints, what’s one tiny experiment I can try anyway? For example: I will make lunch for under $5 everyday for 5 weekdays, or I will publish my ideas on a topic in 300 words max per day for 30 days.
5. Ask “What If…?” Generative questions are the gateway to experimentation. What if I changed how I start my day? What if I replied to emails in batches? What if I let a project be 80% done instead of perfect? Then pick one action to try for a short duration and see what happens.
You don’t need a perfect plan to make meaningful changes. You just need a lot of curiosity, a dash of courage, and the willingness to give it a try.
When we treat life as a series of experiments, we stop needing to get everything right. Instead, we get to play. We get to adapt. We get to learn. And we get to grow 
So, what tiny experiment could you try this week?
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2025-05-22 15:58:42
You stare at a blank page knowing it could be something special, but every time you try to write the opening sentence your mind floods with what-ifs. What if it’s not good enough? What if you can’t execute the vision in your head? The anxiety builds until you close your laptop and scroll social media instead, promising yourself you’ll try again tomorrow.
Sounds familiar? If you’re a creative person who struggles with perfectionism, you’ve likely experienced this paralyzing cycle. But the good news is that very same anxious energy actually contains the raw material for creative momentum. The key lies in learning to flip a switch in your brain, transforming anxiety into its close cousin: curiosity.
At first glance, anxiety and curiosity seem like polar opposites. Anxiety feels constrictive and fearful, while curiosity feels expansive and joyful. But both mental states activate remarkably similar brain networks.
When we’re anxious, our brains are essentially asking, “What terrible thing might happen?” The amygdala fires up, stress hormones flood our system, and we enter a state of hypervigilance. This response evolved to keep us alive, but in creative contexts, it often keeps us stuck.
And the same neural pathways that make us excellent at spotting potential threats also make us exceptional at spotting potential flaws in our creative work, often before we’ve even begun.
This is particularly relevant in ADHD, where a strong drive for novelty often comes with a heightened sensitivity to uncertainty. That combination can make creative work especially rewarding, but also especially vulnerable to perfectionism. In these cases, leaning into curiosity can be a powerful way to regain creative flow.
Curiosity activates many of the same brain regions, but with a crucial difference in framing. Instead of asking “What might go wrong?” curiosity asks “What might I discover?”
The anterior cingulate cortex, which processes uncertainty in both anxious and curious states, shifts from threat-detection mode to exploration mode. The prefrontal cortex, instead of ruminating on potential failures, begins generating possibilities.
This overlap explains why the transition from anxiety to curiosity can happen so quickly and why it’s so powerful for creative work. Instead of fighting against your brain’s natural tendencies, you’re redirecting energy that’s already there.
Think of it like flipping a switch to change railroad tracks: the metaphorical locomotive of your mental energy doesn’t need to slow down, it just needs to be pointed in a different direction.
As we’ve seen, the same mental energy that makes you freeze up can make you light up if you know which switch to flip. Here are five practical tools to help you flip the anxiety-curiosity switch and channel your energy into creativity:
1. Experimenting. Instead of trying to create something good, design a tiny experiment in the format of “I will [action] for [duration].” For example: “I will sketch my thoughts for 5 minutes” or “I will write 10 bullet points in 10 minutes.” This will help turn your anxiety-driven what ifs into curiosity-driven let’s see what happens.
2. Mind mapping. Take a sheet of paper or open a mind mapping app and write your creative challenge in the center. Then, for 15 minutes, branch out in every direction with whatever comes to mind, no matter how unrelated it seems. This technique works because it mimics how curiosity naturally operates: through playful exploration rather than linear problem-solving.
4. Journaling. When faced with creative anxiety, write down three things you’re genuinely curious about related to your project. Journaling builds a habit of systematic curiosity and provides a warm-up ritual that gets your brain into curiosity mode before you tackle your creative challenge.
5. Doodling. Keep a pen and paper nearby while working. When creative anxiety strikes, spend 2-3 minutes doodling anything, like shapes, patterns, or random objects. This will engage your creative neural pathways without the pressure of your main project, leading to renewed creative energy.
Your anxiety isn’t a creative liability; it’s a sign that you care deeply about your work. And the difference between creative paralysis and creative flow isn’t the absence of anxiety—it’s the presence of curiosity alongside it. So the next time you feel stuck, don’t ask yourself how to make it perfect. Ask yourself what you’re curious to discover.
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