2026-03-10 02:23:21
Despite what a pair of suspicious NBA owners have whispered to Pablo Torre, I don't believe that the NBA rigs the draft lottery. Certainly, it makes a sort of cockeyed, intuitive sense that the league would want to reward the Dallas Mavericks with a generational prospect in Cooper Flagg, for inexplicably giving their marquee superstar to the league's marquee franchise, thus increasing its sale value; or for the league to fortify the San Antonio Spurs' status as international darlings by giving them Victor Wembanyama. But the league clearly has more to lose than gain from stacking the deck. Also, a committed cork-boarder could engineer a post-facto rationale for any lottery outcome having been rigged: The Orlando Magic got Paolo Banchero in 2022 because the league was doing Disney a favor amid tumbling stock value; the Atlanta Hawks got the first pick in 2024 as part of an outré attempt at election-rigging.
However, I think the NBA should rig the lottery. On a recent episode of Zach Lowe's podcast, Lowe raised the idea of the draft order being assorted in the basketball equivalent of a papal conclave. I love this idea. The concept of the lottery, with its recently flattened odds and the tweaks sure to come after this summer, is that by partially decoupling draft order from win-loss records, the league can discourage tanking. This is always going to be an imperfect solution as long as the two are connected at all: The incentives are too powerful, especially when one player can change the fortunes of a franchise so dramatically—and can do it on a sharply below-market contract for up to five years.
If the NBA were to openly rig the lottery, however, different virtues (other than proficiency at destroying one's on-court product) could be rewarded. No longer could the worst teams in the NBA ensure better draft picks by losing a ton, nor would they jump through any of the strange hoops possibly being set up for them next year, such as counting wins toward draft position after a certain date. No, a rigged system could reward abstract values such as honor, virtue, and suffering with nobility.
2026-03-10 01:59:10
It is not difficult to find praise for Nellie Bowles, who writes a weekly column for The Free Press, a website owned by her wife, Bari Weiss. "If you don’t read Nellie Bowles every Friday, you are leading a sad, barren, and empty existence," says Free Press columnist Niall Ferguson. Conservative writer Caitlin Flanagan says that Bowles's columns "have the exact spirit of the 70's writers whom I adored and who were so damn funny—and also deeply in the know." Free Press columnist Joe Nocera wrote that "everything she does is funny and wise," in response to a tweet from John Podhoretz about how Bowles has "the soul of Borscht Belt comic deep within her." Bowles has recently been described by Weiss as "the lovechild of Tom Wolfe and Joan Didion" and "the funniest writer in America."
A writer of such skill and observational talents will find no shortage of opportunities to fashion piercing, hilarious, and illuminating prose from the current political and cultural situation. With that in mind, let's see what Bowles has to say about the United States' war with Iran, a topic she grappled with on Friday:
→ Trump at war: We’re officially bombing Iran. And Iran is bombing, well, everyone they can. They’ve reportedly lobbed missiles, drones, and deck chairs at the United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Kuwait, Bahrain, Oman, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Iraq, Azerbaijan, and Turkey as well as Israel, its number-one bombing love. But it’s been a pretty dismal showing. We’re very much and clearly winning. Like, really, really easily. Here’s Trump on the war timeline: “We also projected four weeks to terminate the military leadership, and as you know, that was done in about an hour so we’re ahead of schedule there.” And here’s Trump on who should become Iran’s new leader: “Well, most of the people we had in mind are dead. . . we had some in mind from that group that is dead. And now we have another group. They may be dead also, based on reports.” And they should stop picking one among themselves: “They are wasting their time. Khamenei’s son is a lightweight. I have to be involved in the appointment, like with Delcy [Rodríguez] in Venezuela.” It will be done in ancestral Trump fashion, via swimsuit competition in an indoor/outdoor pavilion at a resort. In other war news, a U.S. submarine sank an enemy ship by torpedo for the first time since World War II. Welcome back to water warfare, baby! There’s unbelievable footage of a fighter pilot shot down over Kuwait, in a bright and cheery mood as locals approach her there in that dust bowl. They thank her for what she’s doing, and offer her help (thank goodness she didn’t land in Minneapolis).
2026-03-10 01:42:24
Following the Iran women's national soccer team's third group-stage match of the 2026 Women's Asian Cup, five members of the team have reportedly defected and are now in protective Australian police custody. The defections come on the heels of a turbulent week for the team following the joint U.S.-Israel military offensive against Iran, which killed Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei on Feb. 28, and which has killed over 1,300 civilians in the country. Though the national team had left for Australia for the tournament prior to airstrikes, the war has been felt half a world away.
In the pregame routine ahead of the team's first tournament match against South Korea on March 2, the Lionesses stood silently while the Iranian national anthem played, a longstanding gesture by Iranian athletes usually interpreted as a form of protest against the regime. The gesture was condemned by the state back at home: Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting personality Mohammad Reza Shahbazi called the team "traitors during wartime" during a broadcast and said that they must be dealt with "more severely" due to the timing of the anthem protest, just 48 hours after the death of Khamenei.
2026-03-10 00:44:44
The Miami Dolphins are releasing Tua Tagovailoa, eating an NFL-record $99 million cap hit just to do it. It's an ignoble end to his six seasons in Miami, but it was inevitable to anyone who has watched the Tua roller coaster. Even with an offensive wunderkind like Mike McDaniel hired to bring out his best, Tagovailoa ultimately could never rise above the mediocrity of the Dolphins' infrastructure and his own limitations as a quarterback. Hell, there are still arguments he shouldn't even be playing football with the number of bad concussions he's suffered through his career.
In a statement on the team's behalf, general manager Jon-Eric Sullivan said "as we move forward, we will be focused on infusing competition across the roster and establishing a strong foundation for this team as we work towards building a sustained winner." About Tagovailoa specifically, he had this to say:
"I recently informed Tua and his representation that we are going to move in a new direction at the quarterback position and will be releasing him after the start of the new league year. As I shared with Tua, I have great respect for the person and player he is. On behalf of the Miami Dolphins, I expressed our gratitude for his many contributions, both on the field and in the community, during his six seasons."
— Jon-Eric Sullivan
2026-03-09 23:39:01
When video of FBI Director Kash Patel falling on his little ass during this year's annual FBI vs. Secret Service hockey game was exclusively provided to us, we were told by our source that Patel fell down at least two more times during the game. Defector has now received additional footage from the game, and can confirm another instance of Patel eating shit while attempting to skate.
Wow, he fell right over.
2026-03-09 23:11:27
On a Sunday full of get-a-load-of-this, it was going to be hard to beat this:
Oh, and there were 15 goals in that game, too. It happened in a venerable old barn, with a team that hasn't been good in almost 15 years but is suddenly brilliant pulling out an 8-7 win after leading 4-1 and trailing 7-5. It also drove the gerbils at YouTube positively bat-guano crazy, which is the newest measure of big-deal-hood.
