2025-12-06 02:44:13
There is no escape of the frequent comparisons of supposedly immature rich and powerful people to none other than children. If they’re not compared to children, then certainly called mentally ill, immature or cognitively maladjusted. I should not have to explain why this is harmful to children and the mentally ill, but unfortunately I do. Not only are these comparisons perpetuating a stigma that mentally ill people are evil, it is diminishing the capabilities of these ultrarich and extremely powerful people turning them into a spectacle to ridicule, not to combat.
People like Trump, Musk, Thiel, Gates, Zuckerberg, etc. are not comparable to any other group, least of all to the ones I listed above. They are mature adults capable of making decisions and, for all we know, are mentally sane. Them acting in ways we (on the political left) disapprove of does not negate their sanity nor their maturity. That group of people simply has more power than any of us could fathom. Their decisions and actions are not only rational, they’re to be expected from people who have attained and are in those positions, and that’s the danger. If we keep ridiculing their actions as immature or mentally ill, we are reinforcing the assumption that any human could be “good” with power over others. You have to have been evil to attain it at all! We lose sight of what it means to think you are above almost everyone else. Most dangerously, though, we lose sight of what it means to have a society in which some people have the power to substantially dictate the way life is lived by others, for better or for worse. There is no way in which any of this could be “made” “good”.
I realize that a great many of the voices singing those comparisons like a choir are only doing so to make sense of the fucked up reality we live in. That is an explanation of their behavior, though never an excuse. By comparing these power-holders to children they are inadvertently implying they’re developmentally disabled since to all eyes, their bodies look fully developed, however, if the critics are to be believed, physical appearances do not match their targets’ mental abilities. Combined with the source of these comparisons frequently coming from the left where that social class is commonly considered evil, you are lumping it together with those most vulnerable to the harmful decisions sponsored by the group you are supposedly attacking. You are only harming those who have nothing to do with this!
If you are living in some kind of alternate universe in which children attain positions of power where they are not only capable of commanding people, there are millions of them choosing to subject themselves to their command, I’d like to interview you.
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2025-12-05 01:55:00
I started this blog to document and reflect on random moments from my life. Eventually to find that it was a poor medium for doing so.
Though anonymous (to a certain degree), my page is public facing. No matter how much I tell myself to not care, I do care. I reword, reorganize, and cut out the "boring parts". It takes more energy than I would like and is too slow. So many times I've been working on one post, but want to write several others. It's impossible.
On a whim I bought a paper journal a few weeks ago. I thought it'd be mostly the same, but no.
I like to write using pen. A consequence of which is that I can't change what I write. What comes down are my thoughts, and will stay as exactly those thoughts I had in that moment of time. I frequently write down a bunch of redundant stuff, sometimes entire pages of reasoning I realize later are completely useless. But they will stay just as they are.
No editing, no subconscious worrying about what people think. Unexpectedly, it really felt like an order of magnitude in energy saved. I eagerly write nearly every day now. That's a long way from how often I wrote before.
Who could have known that using an actual journal is the purest form of journaling?
2025-12-04 18:35:00
A nice thing we have in Sweden is dagens lunch (today’s lunch).
It’s basically a good weekday deal most restaurants offer. You pick from a couple of dishes, usually meat, fish or vegetarian, and you get a beverage, salad buffet, bread, coffee and sometimes even dessert.
I’m at such a place right now. They have ten dishes to choose from, a handful of drinks, bread and about twenty salad options. The price is 130 Swedish kronor, roughly 13 dollars.
Usually there’s apple pie with vanilla sauce for dessert, but not today. Why? Because it’s Thursday, and Thursdays belong to pea soup and pancakes.
That’s right. It’s an old Swedish tradition. Normally I would say “don’t ask me why”, but today I actually looked it up.
Turns out it began as a practical habit before Friday fasting. People wanted a hearty meal to keep them going, and pea soup was cheap, filling and easy to cook in large batches. When the soup ran out, pancakes were made from the leftover milk, adding a small sense of celebration before the fast.
Even though the fasting tradition faded, the habit stayed. I’d write more about it, but I have a tasty Thursday ritual to look after…
2025-12-04 14:18:00
Spotify really did change how we listened to music when they first released Spotify Wrapped.
I remember trying out Spotify when it was first starting to gain traction, and I can almost recall just as vividly how big of a deal Spotify Wrapped was when it first came out.
No longer were you the only person to know who your favorite artist was, what your top song was, or even what music genre you liked most. Now, with a click of a button, everyone on the internet can learn more about your music tastes than ever before.
I left Spotify in 2023 after discovering YT Music, but YT Music also has their own version of Wrapped. When I first got to experience it, I found it just as amazing.
Suddenly, I realized just how often I listened to this one artist, and now I knew what my music taste said about me. There were even personality types linked to your habits; this year, for example, I got the Curious Explorer type of personality because of how often I switched between genres.
I knew, though, that Wrapped wasn't just a fun way for you and your friends to discover who your top artists are; these music streaming platforms were quietly getting away with taking more and more of our data.
Ever since the concept of Wrapped became a yearly spectacle, many people online have started purposefully curating their Wrapped statistics. I never really thought much about it before, until today.
A good friend of mine has always been a huge fan of J-Rock, and this year she had been obsessed with a band called Yoasobi. Though I also loved their music, she was so much more into it than I was.
Unbeknownst to me, however, she had planned from the start of the year to make sure that Yoasobi's music would top every single other artist she listened to. All she wanted was to get into that exclusive—and completely made-up—0.00001% fan club.
Today, though, she sent me a screenshot of her Wrapped, and from her first words I could already tell that things didn’t turn out the way she planned.
While Yoasobi was in her top 5 artists, it wasn’t first; it had slipped into second place. Clinching the top spot was another J-Rock artist I wasn’t as familiar with, and there she was: a part of their exclusive “top fans” club.
She then told me that the reason this other band was her top artist was that she had gotten obsessed with one song they had, but fell asleep with it playing on loop.
Before she knew it, Spotify had recorded the hours she spent "listening" to only one song of theirs, compared to the many days and weeks she spent listening to—and only to—Yoasobi.
She added that she felt guilty for listening to another artist in the first place, and how badly it reflected on her as a “hardcore Yoasobi fan” to not have them as her top 1 artist.
Then, after she finished ranting, I asked her: Does it matter that they are your number 2 artist rather than your number 1? Isn’t it good that they’re still in your top 5 anyway?
She then replied, “It doesn’t matter so much, but it just looks bad on me when I post this and people know how much I love Yoasobi. How could I call myself a fan if I’m not in that top 0.00001% of listeners?”
It hit me then like a semi-truck.
Not even Wrapped can escape being completely performative, all for internet clout that doesn’t matter a single ounce in the real world.
I had always thought that the point of listening to music as a whole, regardless of whether you use streaming platforms or physical media, was to listen to what you wanted.
If you wanted to listen to only the top radio hits, or you wanted to listen to the most underground music, then there was no right or wrong way. It’s your music, your time, and your choice.
But music as a whole has changed in just a few years. No longer were artists counted as successful just by the sheer volume of album sales. Now, all that matters are streams.
If you were a fan of an artist but weren’t actively contributing to keeping them at the top of the charts by constantly streaming their music, then the internet wouldn’t think you’re a fan at all.
I recall how much this has pushed artists over the years: that time when Justin Bieber literally posted steps on how to stream his (honestly, catchy yet terrible) song “Yummy” way back when.
Or all the times Taylor Swift released variant after variant of the same song just to keep her name within the top charts, releasing them all in an almost spam-like manner despite the variants sounding hardly different from each other.
Quantity has clearly taken over quality, and it’s just the same with Wrapped, YT Music’s Recap, and any other Wrapped-like gimmick music streaming platforms may have.
Now, posting your Wrapped is the equivalent of posting a biography about yourself and your life. With one quick look, anybody can judge whether you’re “cultured,” or whether you’re a “try-hard indie fan,” only listening to what’s not mainstream to make a statement.
Stan culture as a whole has made things even more complicated. You can’t call yourself a Swiftie, or a K-pop fan, if your main artist isn’t your top 1.
You’re a fan but you’re not in the top 0.00001% of listeners? You don’t count then. Your top artists are all very mainstream? You’re “uncultured.”
What happened to streaming the music you like for your own enjoyment? Does it really matter in the end that your top artist this year isn’t what you expected? Was it not the point of Wrapped to show how your music has changed and developed over the year?
We have allowed such a marketing gimmick to dictate how we want to be perceived. Much like how we can cater our stories and posts on Instagram to only show the very best of our lives, it’s easy to curate your music throughout the year so that your Wrapped comes out “exactly” the way you want it...or at least, the way you think your friends and the internet as a whole want it.
We turned the act of enjoying music and following our favorite artists into a way for us to fit in, to join non-existent cliques that, in reality, mean nothing.
Is there a reward for being within that exclusive club of top listeners? Would you actually matter among a sea of other top fans, vying for attention?
While this may sound very pessimistic, I want to make it clear: technically, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to share your Wrapped.
I’m not making this blog post to say that the very concept of Wrapped is evil, that my friend was silly for ranting over such a topic, or that anyone who posts their Wrapped this week is some mindless sheep.
If Wrapped does matter to you, then that’s valid. But here’s the point I want to hone in on: don’t be ashamed if your Wrapped isn’t what you think your friends would like. Don’t even feel embarrassed to post it if your Wrapped shows genres that others might think are “inferior” to their tastes.
The beauty of all of this is enjoying the music you want.
Play that obscure song, or keep that top radio hit on repeat if you like. What matters is this: the online noise doesn’t matter. The opinions of others—of so-called music aficionados—do not need to dictate what you enjoy.
Step back, let yourself dance, and enjoy the music for what it is.
And if your Wrapped shows that you’ve been really into an obscure music genre lately, then so be it. That’s still what makes you, you.
2025-12-04 12:59:00
I write these before I go to bed now. I have since we were in Victoria. Before Victoria I used to write them in one of two ways: a little bit at a time all day or all at once at like 3pm. Now I write in bed right before I go to sleep.
For a while I wondered if changing when I wrote would change the texture of the thoughts or the prose before smacking my forehead because the answer is yeah, duh, of course it does. Writing at the end of the day as opposed to in the middle feels more like a journal entry because it is more of a journal entry.
I think a journal entry is best when it's a "this is what I learned today via all the things I did today, by which I mean on this day, my whatever thousandth day on earth, a bunch of stuff clicked into place and I expanded my whatever by whatever %." Yes I actually think this way. I thought everyone thought this way but the last 30 years have shown me undeniable evidence, however anecdotal, that I think about things in a way that other people think of as somewhere between alien and insane. Hey, maybe you think that way too. And if you don't, that's okay because I'm going to do it anyway. At any rate, and only because this post is meant to be one of those, I need to be honest with where this one starts: dynasty fantasy basketball.
I'm not going to explain what dynasty is or what my teams are like, blah blah blah. I'm just going to tell you about a thing I recently experienced that was essentially the result of only possible because something finally clicking clicked into place.
One of the reasons I'm good at fantasy basketball is because I watch a lot of basketball, and when you watch a lot of basketball, you get a sense for really get to know who is bad, who is good, who is good but could be great, who is great, and who is great that might be a legend.
You also get to know who might be good if a few variables were different. If they gained a bit of muscle, if they grew a few inches (it happens!), if they got traded to a different team that didn't have an incumbent star at the same position, if they had a different coach. You learn how to separate hype, media narratives, and blog boy buffoonery from the reality of how good or bad or overrated or unheralded a guy really is. If you do this kind of thing intensely enough for long enough (and are true of heart) you even get a real sense of how they think, and how other guys think they think, and then you start to see the game for what it is: hundreds of individual chess matches played at full speed by some of the best athletes in the world. It is always beautiful and occasionally breathtaking.
Now you'd think everyone who was committed enough to pay money to play dynasty fantasy basketball (30T/9CAT/START6 for those scoring at home) would be a sicko like me: watching 2 to 3 games a night all season; poring over stats, advanced stats, and video in my spare time because I have four (4) dynasty rosters to build and sculpt because the lord hates a coward; locating old scouting reports on present day stars from when they were in college to see if there are identifiable patterns that preordain greatness; reading every piece written in English about some Serbian teenager I might consider thinking about maybe drafting in 2027... you get it. I assumed that all the leagues I joined and played in would be full of people as unhinged as I am, but that has simply not been the case. I have met more than a few ultra casuals and boxscore watchers since I levelled up in 2023 —— guys for whom basketball is a prevailing interest and a cool game but little more. And that's fine, people are allowed to like what they like. I'm just surprised.
Levelling up isn't something people say. It's something I say. To myself. In my head. I basically just mean that I decided to get into a different, harder, and more competitive tier of league that required more attention, knowledge, and seriousness. You're not just assembling a team, you're building it and shaping it. There really is a lot of sentimentality and craft into doing this kind of thing, or maybe I just bring that kind of sensibility to the hobby. Or maybe I just have psychosexual issues. Or maybe I should just move on before you think about that last one too much and then reflect on every one of our interactions and accordingly recontextualize the general energy and the literal temperature in all the rooms we spent time in together no I'm not a vampire why would you even think that?
The gist of the story is that my best team, right now, needed one more good player. I have a good team, one of the best in the league, but I needed one more good player to put me over the top, so I went looking around the league for the guy I should trade for.
For a few days, I scoured through the bargain bin. I identified a bunch of guys who might be that guy but wouldn't cost too much in re: what I'd have to trade out. I watched tape and reviewed some home/road splits. And then I pursued a few trades. One manager wanted more than I wanted to give and I almost met his price, but something didn't feel right. It took me two days to figure out why it didn't feel right and then it hit me and I couldn't be more excited to tell you.
The bargain bin is full of guys that might be available and might be what I needed or could potentially grow into the kind of guy I need. This is generally how I play the game. I try to identify value that other people can't see or don't have time to look for.
Now, consider this: my partner and I rent live in a loft in Toronto and work hybrid. We have no kids, no pets, no mortgage, no car, and accordingly, no car insurance.
Rephrased, it's actually closer to this: I am an adult have very who has few real responsibilities, a lot of free time, two computers, one tablet, an NBA League Pass subscription, what was recently called a "bloodthirsty" zeal for competition, and sleeping issues. Do the math.
Anyway, I love the bargain bin. It's full of guys who never quite became what people thought they might but still became solid, serviceable NBA players who every now and again show a flash of that that special quality they once had and forces you to remember back when we all thought he that guy was going to be a guy and in so doing feel the terrible immenseness of time passing brush up against your cheek.
There is are also the guys who is are just dyyyyying to get out on the court but he's they're third string so that's just not going to happen for a while —— but, when he gets out there for his two or three minutes at the end of a blowout win or loss, he does something special that you notice and you start thinking about him more and more, figuring that if he landed with the right team in the right situation he could actually be a guy.
For the people who dgaf about dynasty/fantasy, the bargain bin = the pool of available free agents who are not tethered to any team that you can grab for your team (if you cut one of your existing guys) but also every player on every other team's roster, as they are all theoretically available via trade.
Even if you're not looking to "complete" a good team, it's useful to sift through the lower end guys who could be available because it helps you next time you go few things are as fun as looking for a diamond in the rough. My most recent one: a kid named Kobe Sanders. He played at the University of Nevada last season and was taken in the late 2nd round of the 2025 draft.
I remember watching some tape on the kid before the IRL draft and thought he had a real feel for the game, but because he was already 23 and got drafted by the Clippers, who generally seem to rely on veterans and not young talent, he generally won't be wasn't on anyone's radar.
I keep tabs on young Mr. Sanders for a few weeks, watching the last few minutes of Clippers games every now and again. Is there something to this kid? Something that makes you think he might be a guy? He is more than comfortable with the ball in his hands even though he's a rookie playing with a team with at least two future Hall of Famers on it, which means that he is confident. He was asked about how difficult it was to guard Luka Dončić, one of the best players in the world, and he said that he treated it like any other assignment in a voice that suggested that he really did. Again, confidence but also fearlessness and maybe even a soupçon of arrogance.
I kept an eye on Sanders for about a week and then snatched him up immediately the second he looked like he'd figured out the speed of the NBA game. Maybe he becomes a guy, maybe he doesn't, but either way, he's now a member of a different team I am building, and I want to get back to the one you already know.
The one that needs one more good player.
To review:
Bargain bin. Good identify value. People no time. I time. Spend time research. Goal acquire talent low cost. Great success. Outwork opponent. Win every time. Wait. Something no sense. Insight. Stop sift bargain bin. Step away laptop. Think. New paradigm.
I started thinking about what I wanted, and how this a prospective trade would affect that. Like, really thinking about it. And then it all happened at once.
I want to win this league. Winning requires one more guy. Good, useful players are affordable. Really good, really useful players are less affordable. Winning the league is a more likely outcome if I get a really good, really useful player even if it costs more because good stuff often costs more because it's good. Okay, so, what do you really want? Well, I want the best C in the league but there's no way I could afford acquire a guy like that without trading some of the guys who are making my good team good at present. Oh, wait, there are a lot of guys on this team I don't want to trade. Oh, I should trade draft picks. Oh, these picks will probably only fetch a certain tier of player: someone who is quite good but doesn't help you in every area. Okay, but, Dave... you really only need help in certain areas. Oh, then the list gets whittled down. Yes, I know, that's why I told you. Yeah yeah I get it. Move on. Okay fine whatever. And now the list is shorter.
What about Ivica Zubac? He's steady, unspectacular, helps you in a few of the areas you want help in (he gets rebounds, blocks shots, and doesn't shoot from too far out so he hits a higher percentage of his shots). And you like watching him play. And he's really durable. Okay, yeah. I want him. But it'll be pricey. But I want him and that's he's what I need to get over the top, I think. Other players will cost less but be less effective and potentially less durable. Okay fuck it. I'll go for it. So I did. And then I shut my computer and went to the Raptors game.
A few hours after I got home on I agreed to a trade for the guy I wanted (Zubac) at a price I could afford even if it hurt a little. And I am like, exuberant for reasons including that a league rival just wrote this to me:
Maaan. You stole my guy again lol I wanted Zubac, I had sent him an offer with 2 firsts and didn’t even get a response so I figured he wasn’t on the table. Looks like in the end I wasn’t too far off.
Apparently my guy ******* thinks I stole a guy from him previously (i.e. traded for a guy he was sweet on before he could trade for that guy) and I think I know who he's referring to but, like, am I sorry for beating him in an aspect of our competitive game that is very competitive? Not even a little bit.
If you've been kind enough to read this far, I apologize for what I am about to do.
As you likely guessed, this is not a story about dynasty fantasy basketball. This is a story about neuroplasticity, growth, and how old dogs can learn new tricks. And you're only part way through it. The next part will hopefully be posted on December 4 but if it takes longer to write and refine, so be it.
🌲 gonna
🌼 go
🌱 touch nonny
🌳 grass nonny
🌷 now nonny
Be good to yourself.
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2025-12-04 11:51:08
My recent bearblog theme reached the front trending page (currently there as of this writing). I’ve been checking bearblog analytics and editing the theme, thinking “I have to make this better now that more people are seeing it.” Stupid. But it’s true. I’ve been checking my phone very frequently and saying “yep, in just a minute” a lot over the past two days.
I’m embarrassed. My wife has no idea this blog exists or that I can even write HTML and CSS. It has just never come up in conversation.
She knows more about me than anyone on this planet. But I keep this stupid little secret from her. Mostly because I feel dumb having a blog or a hobby of designing things. She would most certainly think it’s cool. But my ridiculous, anxious and inferiority complex riddled brain tells me she might think it’s odd.
I can’t explain it. I’m quite confident in myself and who I am as a person. But I have always HATED the thought of others knowing my inner thoughts and feelings. Even those I love the most and who love me unconditionally.
It’s something I definitely need to explore and look deeper into for personal growth. But even that idea scares me. What if I find that I don’t even like what I am once I unwrap it all?
Had a couple drinks at band practice tonight… but this isn’t drunk talk. I’ve had just enough to open up on here. I think it’s been a good exercise.
“All people have secrets. Life would be boring without secrets. Don’t you think?”
-from The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan