2026-04-06 06:03:22
(aka things I'm worried about at the moment)
2026-04-06 01:36:00
[Everything between March 15 to April 05, Sunday]
Movies watched: 11 (1 in a cinema hall)Xacuti eaten: 3Currently reading: 18
I have been drinking coffee regularly since I was 17 years old. Before that it was sporadic during 12th grade examination prep days, to assist in staying up later in the night. At 17 and in college, the hostel I stayed in for undergrad used to have large coffee dispensers. I had a 400ml coffee cup, purple and green. That cup was what held my morning coherence. I have not stopped drinking it since.
But I have to say goodbye to it now, for a while, say a month... maybe three... yes three months definitely.1
I have had nearly a year since H.Pylori was last detected and removed from my system and yet it's damage remains. And in my infinite wisdom, I made little to no lifestyle changes. As I am in mourning, I sought some poetry to find some comfort. I came across this wonderful blog about coffee poets of 16th century islam. Here it mentions what a pope said (in 1600) after drinking coffee: Why, this drink of Satan is so delicious, we shall cheat the devil by baptizing it. It would be a pity to let the infidels have exclusive use of it. We shall make it a truly Christian beverage! Typical.
Here I write in the dead of the night making a pros and cons list.
I might stop having throat issues.
I might try other beverages instead.
I will have the opportunity to try a new morning routine.
I will get a chance to rely on tea.
I will try new places to sit at for leisure time, instead of cafes focused on coffee.
I will learn to put lots of ice in other beverages and make them last.
I might not die of bacteria-brought on complications.
I might die.
All my creative juices might have been the coffee talking and I could lose it all.
I might become a bad person.
I would get irritated easily as I won't have a warm coffee cup to wrap my fingers around.
I will not know where to meet people for socialising.
I might not be fun without caffeine.
I might lose friends if I am boring to be around without caffeine.
What if it is my addiction that is maintains and equilibrium in the universe and losing coffee will lead to a catastrophe?
I would realise I do not need coffee.
I will have to drink tea2.
How will I drive for an hour to a place if I cannot stop in the middle for coffee or carry some in my cup?
Gawd... oh gawd 3... The only way I can see myself get ahead is to be demonic about coffee de-addiction and act like I am against it, spiritually and literally. I will have anti-coffee sermons. I will encourage delusion and harbour suspicion towards anyone who brings up my coffee history. I will never acknowledge I have ever had a sip of coffee and talk about demolishing all coffee establishments. I will make posters for it. I will buy tea merchandise. I will crack tea pun jokes, like tea-shirts, tea-livision, nice tea meet you. I will include anyone around me in my suffering by saying dangerous coffee facts if they drink it around me. I will be vile to coffee and anyone who loves it. I will defini-tealy survive this.
Shit.
I watched 11 movies, and Project Hail Mary in theatre and yeah it was good but it lacked the charm I felt from the book which is to say the book was 100/10 but the movie was 8/10 BUT WHO CARES.
{insert face melting gif}/ Nats
I know I am meant to reflect here on the days behind me but I cannot bring myself to care about what is gone, as I wonder on what is to come. This is how you turn being insufferable into profoundness.↩
Tea? I am to drink tea? What the heck is wrong with me. The difference between a tea and coffee is the former is riding a merry go round and the latter is a rocket ship. I bet I read that somewhere.↩
A cat bit me. The one thing I had was coffee. My car got damaged by some buffoonery. The one thing I had was coffee. I played average pickleball. The one thing I had was coffee. I watched a movie late at night. The one thing I had was coffee. I created nothing of value all of March. The one thing I had was coffee.↩
2026-04-05 07:55:00
My co-worker received a hand-written letter from an old friend and has been corresponding with him in that medium. Very cool.
I like physical letters. I got a letter from a German girl i spend one long night with in Hongdae. I met her off Facebook, then I showed her around the clubbing street - I knew it like the back of my hand.
I tried to get a postcard from this guy i liked. He asked me to send one and i did, but he never sent one back. I really hate that and will forever hold a grudge over it.
One very cool guy from Indonesia sent me a Postcard. I met him on Reddit. I told him that if i go to Indonesia I'll let him know. Gave a stranger my address, clearly I'm not big on internet safety. Although I like to believe that most people are good.
I collect hoard postcards. It's hard to find ones that have pictures of my city (i suppose i can print my own, but I'd rather buy.)
Most of the ones i have are themed (like African American Art) or pictures of the local universities. At a local vintage store, i found some old postcards from 1920 or so. Some used, some unused. I'll be putting some those in my scrapbook page dedicated to my hometown.
Postcrossing isn't super appealing to me. It's cool if you're a collector, but i like ones a bit more personal. Like the one i got from Indonesia was a guy i was talking to for about a year. I can look at the card and say “this is from a friend”. I can imagine him writing it for me. I know his name and what he looks like.
Unfortunately, i don't have many friends right now. But i still keep buying postcards.
I do this often. I do things for the uncertain future instead of the present.
2026-04-05 02:57:00
I wondered this myself and thought that it was quite a natural way for the industry to progress. We would have a healthcare model, economics model, mathematics model, coding model and so on.
But why haven’t we seen any such innovation in this space? I looked quite deeply (ok I made a GPT search) and found that there does not exist any serious competitor to general models. Maybe on cost but even that is weak. The pattern looks very clear to me: no domain specific model beats a general LLM model in its own domain reliably.
The only weak answer that ChatGPT gave was something called “medGPT” which seemed to beat general models in very limited tasks like Name Entity Recognition but I’m not fully convinced.
The big providers like OpenAI and Anthropic would have made domain specific models if there was any feasibility in it. They haven’t and that’s a clue. What we have is Codex which resembles a coding model but recent developments in GPT 5.4 (which beats Codex in all dimensions) tells me it’s not where they want to head.
The reason no competitive domain specific models exist is because intelligence is compounding. What I mean by that is, intelligence in different domains carry over and multiply. If a model learns something intricate in mathematics, this general reasoning capability carries over to other domains. So is the case with coding: all the pre and post training done in programming datasets definitely help the model develop general intelligence.
So you have intelligence from different domains compounding on each-other, creating intelligence that is so general that it is not possible to get it from a limited data set.
Think about it: would you trust a medical specific LLM model if it can’t do general reasoning as well as GPT?
My prediction is that the industry will move this direction: have only generalised models.
It could be that we hit some physical limit in model size, in that case we might have domain specific models. And I think that situation would resemble how our own society functions: we have people specialising in different fields and working together to solve problems.
2026-04-05 00:50:00
Okay, I think I clicked something wrong and deleted previous version of this post but nothing is lost.
Due to the recent incursion in our space - by which I mean a known bigot from Turning Point USA became a host of RPG Blog Carnival this month - we'd like to invite you all to join an effort to counter this by making Gay Beholder Blog Fiesta - a bandwagon type even which will end in about a month! Make posts about your queerest creation on your blogs or websites or wherever you publish your work and tag them #GayBeholderBlogFiesta. Tell us about it, you can find us on Mastodon at tabletop.social or dice.camp or Discord at rainbow OSR or NSR Cauldron servers!
Spread the word around, the more of us the merrier. At the end of the month one of us will gather all the posts and publish them in one place for everyone to see.
2026-04-04 23:47:00
or even a “like and subscribe” era, where everything is shaped for approval. it slowly teaches you to filter yourself: what will people like? what should i say? what should i hide? but trying to be liked by everyone flattens you. be fine with being unlikable. it is freeing.