2026-03-10 09:22:33
I had been reading this post from Suliman (and the rather crass response crashout that came after it from someone I won't name for the sake of not giving them any more attention (but you could probably guess)) and some of the other responses that came after (absurdpirate's being my favorite so far).
I had the suspicion that the person that these blog posts talk about is right wing just from the way they responded to Suliman alone, but there was one post that Suliman linked that gave my contextless Southeast Asian mind some confusion — to me it vaguely sounded like right wing, anti-immigrant rhetoric (the post about "losing European culture", I mean). I talked about it with my other Southeast Asian friend and it was also perplexing her.
A white friend of ours from Netherlands who we share the same discord server with helped us figure it out. "Oh yeah, this shit IS anti-immigrant dogwhistle" he said, immediately after reading the same archived post. He explained to me that posts like these are very common to see coming from American/European white supremacists, though in hindsight, I really should have clued in on it the moment I read the sentence "They (Europe) have been invaded by cultures that do not want to progress". But unpacking that is a story for another day (and you can read that archived post from Suliman's blog).
It was kind of funny to me at first, because damn, trust a white person to be able to identify what white supremacy sounds like! Secondly, it does make me feel a little ashamed that I couldn't tell to begin with. Now, I don't think I'm leftist or anything, nor do I feel like I deserve to be called one - but I do believe in a lot of things that align with leftist politics and knowing what I do now I don't really think that Suliman was too far off the mark for calling that person a Nazi out in the open.
And I think that does speak a lot about how heinous this kind of right wing rhetoric is. I've been seeing that a lot these days on the Recent tab even, and I'm ashamed to say how many times already I've upvoted a post only to find that it stinks of right-wing politics, of actually hateful opinions that sound so "reasonable". And that's the danger of it, isn't it? Their subtlety is their weapon. They rely on people like Suliman, or anyone else that thinks otherwise really (like me), to "crash out" and then act like the "wounded soul who's just trying to be reasonable and logical" when people rightfully call out on their hateful rhetoric, painting the other party as the aggressive and hysterical one.
I know these kind of behaviours (blogs specifically naming each other especially) aren't really acceptable as per the blog's Code of Conduct, but I will say I appreciate that people are able to see through these seemingly innocent posts & are willing to call out these harmful, hateful opinions that are disguised so cleverly as "personal opinions". If that sends a message to right wingers that they're not welcome, then I hope this momentum keeps going. When the hatred and bigotry comes in dulcet tones and honeyed words, it's so important to combat it with direct frankness and compassionate honesty.
2026-03-10 06:39:00
I fell in love with Sylvia's tiny pixel bears and decided I had to make one of my own! I've never made pixel art before, so this was me trying my hand at it for the first time, and I'm pleased with how it came out! I added my dog, Ranni, peeking out from the top of my bear's head, and a game pad.
I wasn't done there, though. Even though Joel is not on Bear, he's been a great friend to me in the blogosphere, so I wanted to make a bear for him as well. I gave him a matching game pad since video games are the biggest thing we share, and he loves Chrono Trigger, so I added a little Crono sprite peeking out from the top of his bear's head!
These were so fun to make!
2026-03-10 04:21:00
Lordy Lou. You know, just the other day I was thinking to myself "what IS it about bear bloggers with X usernames and being right-wing dickbags?" And lo and behold, I learn from Suliman via Absurd Pirate that these dickbags are actually the same dickbag. Which explains why I was seeing her crap after I'd already hidden her, I guess.
What absolutely kills me dead about these people is how they go on and on about how leftists are sensitive snowflakes who need to toughen up, and then the hot second a leftist says something mildly critical to them they go into strong hysterics like a Regency mother-in-law and have to be revived with smelling salts. Who's fragile, again?
Anyway. Hopefully this time she will flounce for real and take all her weird ICE apologist friends with her. Go back to Truth Social where your safe space is, crybabies.
And that's all I have to say about that. I'm thinking of starting a different blog about the media I've been into -- mostly c-drama lately, but as with the weather in New England, if you don't like it wait five minutes.
2026-03-10 03:30:00
I'm in a state of perpetual existential crisis. Primarily because I like a lot of things. Secondly, because each of these things gets ruined in no time after my discovery of it.
I've mentioned in one of my posts earlier I work in SEO field. Eeeeww, I know, but I like it. I have an akctual passion for excels, tables, charts, sorting and stuff like that — all of this while, ironically, not being too good at math. I'm not saying I'm hopelessly bad but there has been a noticeable gap between algebra and geometry when I was in high school. I still don't know what to think of my knowledge. I find attempts of measuring one's intellectual capabilities plausible and laughable at the same time. Perhaps you can evaluate person's cognitive capacity... but with one test? Really? It's like participating in a competition — you can 10 times of out 10 be the best during training but then screw up during a tournament because you haven't slept enough or got into verbal brawl with someone. What are you then? Are you a displaced winner or a looser (if these primitive terms can be applicable at all)? Being overwhelmed alone can significantly reduce your ability to perform tasks. Add on top of that perpetual financial worries, physical and emotional exhaustion, and [add any other variable from a "normal" human life]. I think we should work on the definition of "normal" because it somehow gets used as a tool of exploitation justification instead of being a litmus paper to indicate something gets progressively worse and it's not the fault of each and every single individual.
Anyway, what I wanted to say — despite genuinely liking my field, I have to acknowledge and accept my love for the craft is fading. Not because I don't what to do it anymore but because I don't want to do the new SEO. I'm fully eligible to say "back in my days!..." — back in my days, we at least were creating content for people, one way or another. Yes, there were caveats, there were rules and there were limitations but at the end of the day you still could create a cool article. Now... I don't even know what to say. I don't know how to evaluate the situation objectively. I'm trying to convince myself the job market isn't that bad and neither is the job itself. But then I open vacancies and see: you will do everything, deadlines are sacred, work mainly from office, we gonna pay you 1000€. It might be a lot for someone and it definitely is quite something compared to nothing but for you to understand such a spit in a face it is — couriers are getting minimum salary of 1100-1200€. I know that because I worked as one and I can compare the workload. If you have to pay for rent, 1000€ during winter wouldn't be enough to even get through a month. So then I checked other field-related positions: SEO content manager. And I kid you not, a full day offer was evaluated at 800€ netto. I honestly don't understand how it's legal. Apparently, is so low because the job is fully remote and you only have to edit texts generated by AI. Okay, the position is fully remote... but it shouldn't be promoted as a serious perk for a position that fucking is actually fully remote and be the reason not to pay people. Same goes for AI — you are paying a person to waste their time on fixing AI slop 40h/week, it's not a justification not to pay a proper salary.
Do you understand what bogs me? Eveything's AI, everything's for machines and so people themselves are more and more often treated like ones.
"Now more expendable than ever!"
I can't force myself to participate in this. My passion is dying and so is my capability to work in this field. I am fully aware I sound like a spoiled brat. But I can reassure you — I'm not afraid of work, I've done all kinds of gigs in my life. I just feel like I have no choice. I can't violate myself no more, I can't afford to invest in things I don't believe. So much time has passed just trying to survive, I don't believe anymore this'll ever change for me, so at least I want it to be purposeful and I don't care whatever collar colour it will be.
I don't know. I'm at a crossroad. I need to build "a remote career" so I would be able to leave the city but I'm facing the same problems as thousands of my kin. We all are just frustrated suffering animals, desperately biting their own limbs off trying to escape the snare only to end up in another one.
Sorry, folks, this one was gloomy! But that's the mood today. Some heavy thoughts to leverage today's beautiful weather c:
2026-03-10 03:12:00
It's been one of these periods, when my mind oscillates between the sheer meaninglessness and unbearable significance of my existence. One moment I render the whole world trivial, the next it feels heavy with implication. This is not a new affliction. I've often existed in dichotomies, meandering restlessly inside opposites.
I seek great refuge in reading: partly because it enriches my own prose, partly because it reassures me that someone, somewhere, has already articulated my contradictory feelings in cadence more precise than my own. It's a form of recognition, how a thought I believed was uniquely mine had already inhabited another mind. It's why this line, by E.E. Cummings, firmly lodged itself in me: i'll live my life if it kills me.1 It carries both defiance and fatigue, the paradoxical consolation that living is overwhelming while insisting on it nonetheless.
I'm aware of how easily the mind collapses everything to nothing. It's a wicked inclination, one I know too well. Perhaps it's personal hardship, or the grim state of our world, that tempts us to conclude that our ambitions, anxieties, the small projects we repeatedly return to are merely transient gestures that amount to little. Still, don't these gestures matter precisely because they're fleeting? That the act of caring itself conjures significance where none was guaranteed? (See also: Absurdism.)
Even if the world is burning, it still feels necessary to try.
Often, being alive means permitting intrinsic meaninglessness and meaning to coexist, without demanding a clear final answer: continuing to write, to make things, to reach towards whatever feels momentarily alive, even when the effort itself feels absurd. To live stubbornly, even if it kills me.
from Etcetera: The Unpublished Poems of E.E. Cummings↩
2026-03-10 03:06:17
when i wrote my initial post i didn't realise how many people were going to disagree with "xenophobia is bad". some people on the right wing took it personally and made this a left-right wing issue. nowhere in my original post i mentioned that. i think it's funny that you put xenophobia in the same basket with the right wing all by yourself. at least you have insight.