2026-04-29 20:15:00
I struggle with how humiliating it feels to talk about and point out misogyny; how the general regression into conservative values makes addressing misogyny come across as a last resort card you can pull out to make yourself look like a victim or get brownie points, while vilifying someone else. Like a thing you only do if you have no better arguments and want to shut discussion down, as the only people coming to challenge you further are seen (or even are) misogynists who don’t believe you. It feels like it’s sucking all the air out of the room, and people begin to tiptoe.
So much about identifying and calling out covert misogyny is about prior experience and gut feelings and hypotheticals, which makes it so hard; because overt, obvious misogyny is rarely worth a discussion and is a lot less controversial to name.
It’s exactly those edge cases of
that are worth calling out, but are impossible to prove. You cannot snap your fingers and enter the alternate reality of being a man and seeing if it happened or not.
Even if you find a comparable action or writing from a man about the same topic where he was praised for what you were criticized for, it’s very easy to dismiss that. ”He’s just more charming. It’s not that comparable. You were just unlucky with who read it. Does it even matter?”
And there’s really nothing you can do about that; there’s always some plausible deniability.
The following are just my personal feelings and experiences; if you’ve made the opposite experiences or think these are cherry-picked, that’s okay.
In my experience online…
Men get credited (“taken from (name)”, “made by (name)”), women often get nothing or “is inspired by” even when it’s an exact copy. That even happens with theme code on here (and happened to me before).1
Men calling each other out online is accepted, even if harsh; criticizing some guy online as a woman is seen as extra humiliating and it gets treated like you’re ruining his life or reputation on the platform. I’ve seen some harsh callouts and fights on the indie web, even downright discussing if someone is spewing Nazi rhetoric or not, and it didn’t seemingly devolve into whether any of them are a big meanie bullying people off of platforms. This only seems to happen when women call out some stuff.
Seeing bullshit online from random guys is normal and we are desensitized (open any inflammatory comment section; most are men or are read as men), so a woman talking some shit gets extraordinarily more replies and attention. I feel like even on things like the Bearblog Discovery, people rather hide and silently report a man for despicable views, but are less inclined to move on silently for women bloggers who have awful takes. Don’t get me wrong: Call out stuff openly, I’m just focusing on who seemingly gets a pass and who doesn’t.
People easily get sick of seeing the same woman in their feed than they do with men, and I’ve had the feeling that the most complaints about Trending posts come in when the same women are on there multiple times. You can see this even in pop culture: There was a time when everyone was sick of seeing Anne Hathaway, and during the Barbie press tour, I remember Margot Robbie saying she’s gonna lie low now so people don’t get sick of her, and since then, I have seen other successful women in such visible positions say the same. I have never seen anyone fault a male actor for showing up in a lot of media or him saying he needs to disappear for a while to give people a break. Usually it’s celebrated like “lmao there he is again”.
People expect women online to be more neutral, more caring, motherly; sharing less opinion pieces and instead, more art and pictures. Women’s opinion pieces feel more like nagging to people, and are easily somehow read as “too aggressive”, especially when it’s guides. Makes you wonder if some select few men just can’t handle guides written by women because that’s a woman telling them what to do or how to behave. That’s why they take it upon themselves to just rewrite your post saying the original was too aggressive, and link other male authors on the same topic. Happened to me!
When a man writes confidently like an expert about something, it matters less to people when he doesn’t have (or doesn’t immediately offer up) official credentials (like certificates, degrees, work, etc.) about it. As a woman, you are asked more for these and even have to offer up this information upfront to be believed. Even then, this is not enough for some people.
Closely related, I am reminded of the recent news when actress Milla Jovovich released MemPalace on GitHub. Almost unanimously, comments everywhere were agreeing that a) this is just someone using her name, or, after it was confirmed to be her, b) she lent her name to this project to give it more visibility, or c) just paid someone to do it for her. This was more than just an understandable, normal "Wow, an actress has this other interest? Did not expect that, cool." It was deeply driven by the fact that people cannot imagine a pretty woman to do anything technical. People even questioned her motivation to do so - man, why not? AI has been in the public spotlight for 5 years. Why could she not deeply immerse herself in that topic during that time because it interests her? Meanwhile, people accept and admire that James Cameron, who is a successful and well-known filmmaker, is also a deepsea expert who was able to give valuable insight into the OpenSea submersible failure.
I’ll let you in on a little secret: Before I wrote about data protection law on this blog, I tried it on another blog that made no mention of my name or gender was was designed in a way that would be read as masculine, to avoid biases due to my gender. But I quickly got tired of missing out on having my actual name and official presence attached to my work and field, so I’d rather live with the bias, I guess.
Thanks to everyone who has always treated me with respect, gives credit where it's due, and properly acknowledges women's skills and expertise.
Feel free to let me know your own experiences and observations around misogyny, both in general and in the personal web. Even with a public reply, if you feel comfortable.
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Slightly related: Someone also stole some of my posts, slightly changed a sentence here and there, and when caught, said they just used the texts to test how their website’s CSS looks with it. Since then, friends and I are joking that my best posts are good Lorem Ipsums.↩
2026-04-29 01:33:00
"People who don't use AI will be left behind", they say. I can't emphasize enough how much I hate it when I hear/read shit like that because I'm pretty sure, in fact, that what will happen is the exact opposite.
People who rely on AI are the ones who will be left behind. They'll forget how to think, how to write, how to do a simple reliable search, how to tell fact from fiction... they'll forget how to fucking LEARN. I think that's the part that makes me the saddest. What a beautiful thing it is just to learn stuff.
If you think chat GPT can do better than you, why would you just let it? Why wouldn't you aim to be better, to learn how to be or do something that AI would never?
2026-04-29 00:43:14
There’s something unsettling about being the new kid on the block, even as an adult.
It’s not super obvious, at least not like back then when you were a literal child. No one is pointing or whispering. There’s no cafeteria to navigate or classroom to choose a seat in. The feeling of being in those scenarios show up always, just in a different kind of way. It’s the hesitation before saying something out loud, the extra time spent double (and triple) checking something that would normally feel simple, and the awareness that everyone else seems to know what they’re doing.
I started somewhere new three weeks ago.
In the grand scheme of things, three weeks isn’t a long time. I get that. If anyone else said that to me, I’d tell them to give themselves more grace, to take their time, to settle in. As always, in my head, it sounds different. It’s more like: it’s already week three. You should have a better handle on things by now.
I really don’t though. Not fully.
There are still gaps here and there. I have moments where I’m trying to piece things together in real time, trying to understand not just what I’m supposed to do, but how everything fits, who to go to, and what hasn’t been said out loud but is somehow expected to be known.
Sometimes things are handed off without much context, or reference something that hasn’t clicked yet. Not in a bad way, but just in a way that assumed I’ve already connected all of the dots that I didn’t even know existed. So I nod, and figure it all out somehow.
I get it. I’m not supposed to know everything yet. That would be unreasonable (maybe?). But there’s still that perfectionist part of me that expects it anyway. Or at least expects me to anticipate it, to figure out how to read between the lines and keep up with things I haven’t been introduced to yet. Which, when I say out loud, doesn’t even make much sense. I don’t know how to read people’s minds. I don’t even think I’ve met everyone I’m supposed to meet yet. I still feel behind though.
I know that a lot of this comes from the version of myself I’m used to being. She’s the one who is steady, capable and already a few steps ahead. There’s a rhythm to that version of me, and right now, I’m all over the place. At this moment, I feel slightly disjointed, a little uncomfortable, full of questions that don’t have immediate answers I can get to just yet.
Just like with my making and breaking routines, I’m attempting to sit with it without rushing to just fix it. I’m trying to let myself be new without treating it like a problem. I understand that three weeks is still the beginning, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
I'm trying to be the new kid on the block that isn't just catching up as quickly as possible (my stress level would probably be lower). I'm hoping to learn to find my place while still figuring things out at the same time.
...and if you happen to read this, and you’re in that world of mine right now, no, you didn’t just read this.
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2026-04-28 08:15:00
I’ve been following Cal Newport for some time (known for his book Deep Work and Digital Minimalism). I’ve come to look forward to his weekly podcasts on attention, focus, and life without social media.
Today, he dropped a podcast titled “How Do I Build Cognitive Fitness?” (Alternatively, his YouTube video with the same content was titled “How Do I Reverse Brain Rot?”, so I’m curious which one got more clicks).
In it, he outlines five ways that we can improve our cognitive fitness and challenges us to be more intentional with our time. If you want to give it a listen he covers it in the first half of this episode.
Here are the five things he suggested, and my thoughts on each one.
He suggests that the more time you spend reading, the more you’re rewiring your brain. It gives you practice in “aiming your minds eye at a desired internal target,” such as a thought or idea. He recommends starting with books you’re excited to read, not books you feel you “should” read. Fun books, trashy books, romance books, they all count. Start with 15-20 pages a day. Read at lunch and before bed. After you’re doing that regularly, increase to 30-50 pages a day. As that gets easier, make 1 out of 3 books “hard” or more challenging.
I feel good about reading every day, though I can definitely improve on the number of pages. I’m likely still in the first category, reading 10-20 pages a day. Not quite to 50 pages a day. Though I do think I’m reading more challenging stuff sometimes. I’m currently reading Dune Messiah I’m definitely slowing down to digest the passages.
Cal states that many people are writing less than ever before due to generative AI, and that “to improve your cognitive fitness you should seek out as many opportunities to write as possible.” He goes on to say that "we feel naturally resistant to it because of how many moving pieces there are in our brains.” Writing is hard and we feel strain when we write, but it provides us with more “cognitive strength”. He recommends studying technique while you read, writing in a journal/newsletter/blog (ahem), and acclimating yourself to getting over the first 10 minutes of writing as they are the hardest to work through.
Why do you think I’m here? Ha! I’m trying to get better at constructing my thoughts into sentences and paragraphs. And yeah, it’s hard. But I figure the more I do it, the easier it will start to feel. I’m also trying to write by hand more, but I need to find better opportunities to write when I’m not getting interrupted.
Cal suggests that we take walks several times a week without our phone (and if we do bring our phones we should make them very inaccessible, like at the bottom of our bag). “Practice turning your attention inwards to make sense of some information.” Brainstorming or day dreaming counts here. Reflection is “where you develop your sense of self” and our best ideas come from it. He recommends journaling your insights after your walk, that it will help you clarify internal thinking.
I might have to take on this one. I’m not good at getting out of the house (I work remotely), and I need to be better about it. The weather is warming up though, which will make it easier. Plus it’ll get me away from my desk more often. Something semi-related is that our brains come up with some of our best ideas while we’re in the shower, and I think the two are related.
Cal recommends keeping your phone plugged in and not with you when you’re at home. “Spend hours in your house each day without your phone as your constant companion.” This will give you lots of practice doing things without that constant short term motivation to pick up the phone. Put your ringer on and let people know to call you. Make the phone “less desirable by taking off any apps that makes money from your engagement” - social media apps, for example.
Oooh this one is good. I can do this right now. I have a charger in the other room and can put my phone there. This would be a really good one to practice. I still need an alternative for having my phone next to my bed - I still use it as my alarm because last summer our phones woke us at midnight for a tornado warning that sent us grabbing the kids and flying to the basement. Maybe I can plug it in further away from the bed and still hear weather alerts. I’ll need to explore this further.
Cal’s last idea is to master a skill that requires you to focus and get better, but also gets you a clear reward. Take up tennis, playing the guitar, learning to knit, etc. He goes on to say that when you learn a hard skill, it “builds up a sense of discipline and helps train your long term motivation system that when we focus on something hard, over time we get meaningful rewards.” When you practice focusing, it becomes easier to sustain concentration. BUT, you need to do this on a regular schedule, not whenever you feel like it.
This is a great one. I’ll have to think about what I’d want to learn! The hard part for me will be sticking with it. I have a terrible habit of picking up new projects every couple of weeks and I need to get on top of that. I need to find something that will sustain me for at least a season or so.
Overall, some really good tips from Cal Newport. I really do think these could help someone step back and assess their cognitive fitness. I know I’ll be implementing some of these ideas.
Which of these 5 do you see yourself implementing? Which is the easiest? The most difficult? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
2026-04-28 01:28:00
I don't check my Bear stats very often. When I do, it's always the same: ups and downs, ups and downs...
The spikes occur when a post is trending. When it's gone, the numbers go back down into the peaceful valley.
I say peaceful because that's how I feel. I like that it goes up and down. It shows that it's not so much about my blog as a whole, but rather that some posts simply happen to attract more people at certain times.
Some might say that's what statistics are for, learning what works, coming up with a winning formula. That might work for a product, but it's a recipe for disaster when it comes to a personal blog.
Blogging according to a winning formula is a great way to lose. You'll lose interest, and so will your readers.
Forget about the numbers. Remember to be yourself.
2026-04-28 01:18:00
I was sad today!
I love discovering, and reading new, personal blogs. I'm always interested in people and opinions.
Imagine my sadness when I stumbled onto a new (to me) blog, only to discover that the author had an AI Generated Summary at the top of each post.
In my opinion, this is devaluing the work. All that effort infused into researching, planning, writing, and editing. And then thrown through the sausage-machine for it to summarise the work in about three sentences.
It probably vacuumed up the discourse and threw it into the depths of its learning model, to later regurgitate as "AI content" to someone else.
Do you really think your own words are worthless?
For very long articles, it's nice to have a summary, but AI? Really?
Spend an extra two minutes and summarise your own content, please.