2026-04-11 00:12:00
I know it’s been a while. 225 days or so, if anyone is counting.
Around the time I got laid off, my writing here began to slow down. It wasn’t right away, but gradually enough that I could feel myself slipping away. I remember telling myself I wouldn’t lose who I was in the process, and that my career wasn’t tied to my self-worth. In reality, I completely failed at keeping myself together. Still, I’d like to think I said all the right things in the beginning. They were the kinds of things that sounded solid and convincing in theory. I think some things are just easier said than done. Anyways...
I mean, really lost. The kind of lost where I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find my way back. Honestly, I’m still somewhere in the middle of it all. There were days when I thought I could see the light, and that I was getting close to something that made sense again. Then there were days I realized it might have just been my mind trying to give me grace, something to keep me moving forward. It felt like I was thrown deep in a forest with no clear path out, and for a while, even my own words couldn’t reach me there.
I kept writing, but just not here. I made a quiet decision early on to truly just write for myself. There was no audience, no pressure, no need to make anything sound polished, complete, or make myself sound put together. Most of them were just pages of thoughts I didn’t quite know what to do with. I poured everything into my journal including the messy parts, the unsure parts, the parts I wasn’t ready to share. Somehow, it kind of helped.
At that point, writing became the thing that kept catching me, like I was jumping off a cliff over and over again and my words kept finding a way to hold me before I hit the ground.
While all of that was happening, I tried, in small ways, to step outside of my own head. I went outside more and let myself sit in the warmth of the sun. On the plus side, my skin is starting to get that golden tan! I learned to appreciate running in solitude and even found comfort in the rhythm of it. I enjoyed the quiet, and the way it gave my thoughts somewhere to go. At the same time, I also found joy in running with others. In a completely unexpected turn of events, LC and I joined a run club. Somewhere in between those solo runs and group runs, I started to feel small pieces of myself come back. Baby (running) steps.
There’s a lot I could (and need to) say about these past seven months, including navigating my new norm of unemployment. I think at some point I’ll find ways to talk about it here and there. For now, I guess this is just a post to say hello, and that I am trying to find my way back here again.
Stay for a while, if you’d like. I have some stories to tell.
If you'd like to comment, please send me an email, respond on any social media of mine you know, or sign my Guestbook.
Jules: Regarding your post on BearBlog, "Finding My Way Back." I just wanted to say, "Hello there." I, too, find it very helpful to write for myself (from time to time) without any intention of publishing it anywhere. It's always given me the private space I need to sort out my feelings and thoughts without any fear of being criticized or judged. I would recommend it to anyone, because not everything needs to be shared. Some things are just for us. Thank you for sharing your post. -jp
Syl: Welcome back! It was lovely to see a new post from you pop up on my feed reader. I'm glad you've been able to find some peace in running, being outside, and journaling. I keep a journal separate from my blog that's solely for me, and it helps a lot when I need to arrange my thoughts or get something out of my head. Nature always helps as well. I look forward to reading more of your writing, but it's important to take time to yourself if you need it. ❤️
2026-04-10 15:58:00
The past week has been fairly reflective. I've been a bit inundated with AI stuff creeping into my peripheral with regards to our collective future or lack thereof.
I, like most of you, consumed too much world news about how we're all about to be blown up or priced out of existence (while I thank any of the available gods that my bicycle works again and I don't need to pay €2.41/L to get stuck in traffic).
I've looked at my bank account and the assets I have and realised that my financial future is sound enough as long as we never move apartments, I question every extra purchase as if I am twenty years in the future and need to answer why that money didn't go into an ETF to bankroll some asshole billionaire so I can have some scraps of whatever is left over ("please Sir, can I have some more?"), and that honestly, it's boring as fuck and I wouldn't mind if the lottery that I don't play because I don't want to waste the money and statistically it's stupid, would just decide to give me a million so I can just put THAT into ETFs and retire off the gains (all while still lining the pockets of billionaires).
Bah, this is tiring. And I don't even have kids, so really shouldn't complain.
I was watching this fella a while back on YouTube (which somehow sinks its claws back into me every so often) build this tiny house on a tiny plot of land and reflect on his life a bit and why he had chosen to get into this lifestyle. I really appreciated Anders' approach: focusing on feeling more with less, trying to reduce impact as an individual (which is admirable, yet I believe the burden lies almost completely on massive corporations working to bleed the planet dry), and finding a sense of peace by living in harmony with the land and what it can offer us.
It's touching and speaks a lot to me, yet I find myself complacent in our apartment, hanging out in my job that is challenging, but I can see that I'm becoming the tentacles of the AI brain, sitting in the chair while the cloud moves my limbs. Is it that hard to break out of this shell of saving for the future, scrounging for what is left for us?
Maybe my desire to win the lottery says a lot about who I am as a person: perhaps expecting free rides as opposed to working hard, bootstraps, yada yada, to get to a place of comfort and security. Maybe I'm actually contradicting myself from the two previous paragraphs in that I still think, "if I just had enough to get free money to get by, then I'd be happy", as opposed to just living off what we have, what the planet has for us; as Anders does.
I was reading with my colleagues yesterday something about all the billions that some dickheads in the US have, and we saw that Elon Musk is worth like $800bn. A year ago I made a video talking about this topic, and at the time, he was worth $200bn. Cool.
Maybe this is what I am feeling: this absolute travesty of a social paradigm we are in, in that these monsters simultaneously evoke so much rage for their hoarding when this could be put to such better use (curing world hunger, eradicating diseases, lifting people out of poverty, providing basic infrastructure for everyone in the world), and at the same time leave me with a sense of jealousy that they can do whatever they want at any second. I don't even think it's about the money. They can do anything they want. We must sit under the table and grab whatever crumb falls to us (and if you get in my way then you're in trouble!).
So let's go ahead and start more wars, watch big fat pricks like Trump, Putin, and Orbán syphon money from us to all their fat friends pockets instead, deflect away any action that might be considered charitable or good for humanity because, you know; profit, and collectively twiddle our little toesies and thumbs while the planet heats-the-fuck-up and we all get real hot, real fast, and watch tens of millions of people run away from whatever climactic shitstorm they've been trapped in: likely in our direction up her e in the north.
Fuck it, I'm going to buy a balcony solar panel and repot my plants which I didn't do last week. Stupid Claude, bet you can't even mix soil with Perlite. Dumbass.
2026-04-10 11:07:00
2026 is doing something right for the small web. People are building tools that don't try to replace things. They just make them better.
Bear Roll is one of them.
Bear Blog's Discover page moves fast, especially if you frequent "New".
Miss a day? You miss posts.
Check too often? You forget what you've already read.
Bear Roll turns Discover into a daily snapshot.
That's it!
Only the stuff that makes it up top gets saved.
Which is the point.
The creator, Josh, mentions being inspired by hckrnews.com, which solves the same problem for Hacker News. Tom Waits would call him a "Raised Right Man" for putting real effort into performance.
He tuned it using Lighthouse (Google's site audit tool), which basically means:
You can feel this in action. It's as snappy as the official Discovery page.
We're seeing more tools like this lately.
Not bigger platforms, just smarter layers on top of what already exists.
Bear Roll doesn't try to change Bear Blog. It accentuates it. It's the Yang to Bear Blog's Yin.
If you use Bear Blog, this is a no-brainer:
If you would like to keep up on the happenings on Bear Roll here is a link to the blog and here are stats for us nerds out there. ■
🎧 Darling West - 12th And Porter via Folk Forward on SomaFM
2026-04-10 09:54:00
If the actions and policies of U.S. and Israeli politicians confuse you, you may be misunderstanding their purpose.
The rich and powerful are fully aware that human civilization is collapsing. They are the ones deliberately causing the collapse. What they are doing is hoarding wealth and amassing weapons for one purpose: to save their own skin.
why anger and shaming alone are no longer winning strategies
Anger and shaming are valid emotions but we should remember that our leaders are already perfectly comfortable with them. Trump loves controversy and has profited immensely from it. The system they uphold can withstand anger and shaming easily. It monetizes them, uses them as propaganda, and uses them as pretexts for more attacks.
why warning lawmakers of an apocalypse is not a winning strategy
Those causing the apocalypse are aware they are causing an apocalypse. They are simply betting on being the ones to survive it. That’s why they are hoarding resources and amassing weapons. It’s why so many of them are invested in arms and engaged in insider trading.
why calling our leaders illogical or immoral may be valid, but is ineffective
Nihilists don’t have values to bruise. They have adjusted their psyches to be comfortable with lying, cheating, stealing, killing, raping and torturing. They gave up trying to be logical or moral a long time ago. They see an epic conflagration coming and they want to be the winners.
why calling our leaders corrupt or criminal may be true, but is ineffective
They are the ones breaking the laws and taking the bribes. They know better than anyone that our political system and policies are illegal and corrupt. They are not planning to start following laws again once the current emergency is over. Their strategy is to buy control of the legal system that would prosecute them. Their strategy is to dismantle the legal frameworks that humans have built to allocate consequences.
Weapons CEOs are not trying to defend America or defend democracy or defend civilization.
They already know America’s collapse is well underway. They know that the U.S. is not a democracy, and neither is the corporate world they live in. They are profiteering from chaos, hoping to be in the winners’ circle when the dust settles. That doesn’t necessarily mean military victory. It means stoking permanent conflict while continually increasing investments in weapons. It means hiding in a bunker when the surface of the Earth becomes unlivable for everyone else.
Tech billionaires know that AI will not save the U.S. economy or solve any of society’s problems.
They know AI data centers are obliterating our water supply and destroying the habitable environment. They know that AI is infringing on rights and degrading its users’ intelligence. AI is a weapon. Investment in AI is an investment in violence. AI weapons' ultimate purpose is to protect these billionaires against everyone else. The goal is not a strong economy or better society. The goal is for them to survive the apocalypse they are actively causing.
Fossil fuel billionaires know that more domestic drilling is not a permanent solution to endless conflicts over oil.
Oil is a finite resource and it is running out. Oil companies’ purpose is not saving America. Their purpose is to prevent a transition to sustainable energy. Their purpose is hoarding, in preparation for collapse.
Today’s rich and powerful are aware of famines.
They know that scientific consensus has warned that global starvation is coming soon. They read the same headlines we all do. They are not trying to stop it. They are trying to make sure they will have food for themselves. They are hoarding resources and building protected enclaves on the bet that they will be the ones to survive.
Trump is not trying to make America great again.
And neither are Democrats. Every politician in DC knows that America will never be great again. What they are doing is trying to save their own skin in the revolution or world war they know is coming. Because this fact can no longer be hidden, someone must be willing to play the bad guy. Trump is currently the one performing that role.
Netanyahu is not trying to save Judaism.
Calling criticism of Israeli military policy “antisemitic” is a propaganda device to get everyone to fall in line with billionaire survivalists. What changed since October 2023 is that Israel realized they must give up on trying to appear moral. The violence that had previously been hidden from the American taxpayer who funds it could be hidden no longer. Netanyahu is currently the one willing to play the bad guy role for the sake of colonizing “Greater Israel.”
Israel’s publicly stated goal is the annihilation of its neighbors.
Investing in Israel means betting that Israel will succeed. Or at least betting that the wars will continue to be profitable. That’s not just war profiteering, but war crime profiteering. Using taxpayer or pension money for those illegal investments forces the average person into an awkward position. They now must also wish for the annihilation of Israel’s neighbors, whether they actually want that or not. Most Americans are repulsed by the idea.
Having personal ties to Israel is not a legal defense for genocide.
A war criminal is not your friend, even if they are a Democrat. It’s possible that some of them are nice people but simply clueless, due to living in a bubble of yes-men and sycophants and in an environment that has normalized war crimes. I suspect most commit their war crimes knowingly. They expect their gullible supporters to try and come up with some kind of clever defense for their actions, while the politicians themselves could not be reached for comment. They are not committing these war crimes on your behalf, nor on behalf of Jewish safety, nor American safety, nor democracy. They are committing them on behalf of themselves.
why lesser-evil voting is no longer appropriate
When both evils bet on the profitable collapse of civilization, lesser-evil voting means voting to collapse civilization. When both evils are comfortable with your death if it can mean their survival, lesser-evil voting means voting to sacrifice yourself for the sake of a politician. It means sacrificing yourself so that the world can stay at war and arms dealers can get richer. It means sacrificing yourself so that Israel can steal some more land for its apartheid state. Ask yourself is those are causes worth dying for.
It’s not that Democratic politicians don’t realize that they could win elections by saying “Free Palestine.”
They realize it. They don’t say it because they don’t want to free Palestine.
Any Dem politician could score instant political points by championing any number of popular policies.
“Stop funding Israel’s wars.” “Stop funding apartheid.” “Abolish ICE.” “Defund the police.” “No AI data centers.” “Forgive student loans.” “Medicare For All.” “Invest in clean energy.” “Tax the rich.” If you aren’t hearing your favorite politician say these things explicitly, it’s because they oppose them.
Just because a Dem politician wants to keep you in denial about the contradictions of capitalism doesn’t mean they are in denial about the contradictions of capitalism.
They know that an economic system that prioritizes greed and endless growth on a finite planet is unsustainable and self-destructive. They know that capitalism is now ending the possibility of civilized human life. They read the papers just like you do. What they are doing is preparing for that end by hoarding wealth and amassing weapons.
Anyone invested in war, capitalism, AI, or oil is telling you straight up that they are betting on the end of civilization.
But that doesn’t mean they are correct. A program of peace, justice, sanity, and international cooperation could also succeed. Such a program needs to be shown to be more popular. Such a program needs to be shown to be more sustainable and more fun.
The rich and powerful need to be convinced that they cannot remain rich and powerful on their current course.
They live in a bubble of no consequences, not even for war crimes. They need to see real legal and financial consequences, not just anger and shaming. They need to be defunded, boycotted, and striked against. They need to be defriended, sued, and prosecuted. They need to be unsubscribed from, switched off, and ignored. Their program of destruction needs to be delegitimized, disobeyed, and sabotaged. Their narratives need to be countered with the truth. Their destruction and hatred need to be countered with creation and love.
2026-04-10 05:46:00
I had a whole post written about the fucked up state of the world with a particular focus on, among other things, the abject rottenness of the United States, the toxicity of bandwagon Blue Jays fans, and the impact social media has had on the minds, hearts, and souls of billions of people...
...and then I deleted it all because sharing some awesome Frazey Ford songs is a better use of my time. All links are to Spotify even though I don't pay for Spotify because every time I link out to Apple Music, which I do pay for (and which is objectively better in most ways), someone whines about it.
🎵🎵 "Done"
🎵🎵 "Lovers In A Dangerous Time" (cover song, obv)
If you are also a Frazey Ford fan, you should know that you are very cool and a son of a son of a gun.
🌲 gonna
🌼 go
🌱 touch
🌳 grass
🌷 now
Be good to yourself.
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2026-04-10 05:06:00
what if - hear me out - WHAT IF we don't send rude messages to strangers online? Yes, Bob (?), I'm talking to you. I don't mean to sound crazy, but sometimes it's ok just to think.