2025-11-25 16:30:00
刚才在看博客的统计功能才发现，去年 11.25 是我立下要日更博客誓言并写下第一篇文章（《重新开始记录每一天》）的日子。在过去的 365 天里，我坚持每天更新，我做到了！
感谢各位，能够坚持来看我。我也尽可能再接再厉！
2025-11-25 00:16:00
I just read the post A summary of things I learned from my time on Bear [OC] by Perfect, a funny look at common themes that pop up in the Bear discovery feed.
It’s funny because it’s true. Trending posts often circle around tech, blogging, and Bear itself. Maybe you’ve had some of your posts show up there, I’ve had a few as well.
It’s nice to see people appreciate your writing. Maybe you’ll even get a few new followers and see other bloggers linking back to your post. It’s a beautiful thing.
But it’s not an important thing. It’s a lovely little bonus, not something that should decide what you write next.
In Sweden we have the saying “göra en björntjänst” (do a bear service), which means doing something you think is helpful but that ends up having the opposite effect. That’s exactly what happens when we let algorithms and trends steer our writing.
Just keep blogging about what’s on your mind. Most of my “best post I’ve ever written” haven’t come anywhere close to making any charts at all, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m still proud of them, they mean a lot to me.
Don’t get caught in a bear hug, no matter how warm and fuzzy it feels. Don’t do yourself a bear service.
Just be yourself and keep on blogging.
2025-11-25 00:08:00
Trying to exist in the indie web or FOSS community is so difficult as a person who has an incredibly limited scope and knowledge of technology, web development etc - mainly because of the certain types of people who seem to speak the loudest (and in some cases are the only ones who speak).
To give an example from today, I was replying to a post on mastodon with a list of some well-known free or cheap indie web blog hosts to get people to try giving microblogging a go. I mentioned Neocities as it is a very popular blogging platform, community and - dare I say it - not bad for beginners. Of course this mention was met with a disgruntled reply by a tech dude explaining to me how their "rate limit is bad", their "strict restrictions on file extensions" and something about AJAX and third party sites.
My guy... I have no idea what any of that is. So of course I replied courteously because I know mastodon is full of tech people so it may not have even crossed this person's mind that I may not know much about tech. I mentioned that yeah they may not be the best but it's a nice place someone with no tech knowledge like myself can start and they can always migrate their site somewhere else once they learn more about blog hosting and web development.
But this dude just kept going?? About how he's been coding since he was 7 and "it's AJAX now but what's next? JavaScript?" and complaining that Neocities is trying to incentivize their paid plan. MATE. I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE. I, unlike you, have not been coding since I was 7. And they never made any attempt to recommend something else, or say which of the services I provided they prefer. And no other person witnessing this who knows what's going on says anything.
And someone might say this is anecdotal but I've had and seen this happen time and time again. In reddit threads as I search for guidance on privacy or to fix some bug, in comment sections of guides or review videos, it's never-ending. I thankfully have a level of tech literacy and know people who know what they're doing, but this is so discouraging - let alone to people who might want to get involved in more ethical tech consumption and use but have absolutely no compass.
For that reason I do genuinely hope this is just me.
2025-11-24 22:37:00
... is definitely an inflammatory hook for what I'm about to say but bear with me.
As I was looking through the Bearblog discovery page I stumbled upon the blog post A summary of things I learned from my time on Bear by Perfect, right as I was planning on going to my blog to write this post and it kind of reaffirmed what I was thinking.
I, like many of the people on Bearblog and beyond moved to microblogging and the indie web to escape mainstream internet hell. But at some point... we're going to have to chill with how much we're talking about it. Not going to lie, despite being the exact kind of person Ava refers to in this blog post, it's getting repetitive in an exhausting way. I feel like we keep riling each other up with how tired we are of the way the internet has become without ever.. y'know... truly creating an authentic, creative and personal experience. At least on Bearblog as far as I've seen.
I've rarely ever seen non-tech or non-[what I said above] posts reach the trending page, and that's also kind of disheartening.
Of course I ain't here to police expression nor do I want us to stop talking about the state of the internet and the world, I just wanted to put this out there as food for thought. Maybe urge the people who wonder if people will be interested in their personal life and interests - to go for it. Hell, send your posts to me, I'll read em! I'm interested
2025-11-24 22:08:04
It's 6am and I'm writing about line cooking again because I don't know how to talk about the rest of it. I have a new job in a high stress kitchen again. I'm in high volume fine dining again. It's so busy and so exhausting that I almost threw up on my walk to the train a few days ago. It's so busy I haven't been able to think about it all for the past 5 days.
I'm afraid of the weekend. I'm afraid of who I am and what I feel when I'm not at work. I'm afraid of this feeling. I'm afraid that I can't outrun this feeling that I'm just going to keep losing my friends. I keep thinking, "he could have called any of us." any of us would have picked up. I know we don't talk as much anymore, but everyone picked up the phone when I called to tell them. It had been years for a few of them. How many has it been? Out of the 60 of us, how many more? I grieve everyone at the same time. I think the number is at least 7 now, that we know of. 7 futures we'll never see.
I can't find the words. I don't want words. I want him to have called me.
I'm in a new house, with a new job, living with new people, and yet everything is still the same. My friends are still killing themselves. I search for meaning and the only place I can find it is on the line. I search for myself and I find him in front of a ticket machine. I met God and he looks like the burns on my arms and the cuts on my knuckles. I abuse my body to feed my soul.
This is cringe, this is so cringe. I miss him and I can't even write about him properly. The only thing I can do, the only thing I care about doing, is cooking. Why would I tell you about him? Why should you care? My brother in arms killed himself and all he left behind was everything. I don't blame him. None of us do. None of us are okay. Every one of us is plagued by the nightmares, the fear, hiding behind locked doors and knowing that in order to lock something out you have to lock yourself in.
2025-11-24 02:15:00
When a mother mothers, she queens out into the subliminal realm. Mothers have the defining characteristic of giving away the ultimate gift: being. The frequencies used in the greatest act known to human kind is that of pure love. Men don't know how to love and I don't know of anyone better to quote on this than Mrs. Banks herself:
Yes, queen, gays fail at this. I've been in numerous relationships and decided to go solo, because men are such a disappointment. These days I surround myself with three women who love me tremendously like no man could. I dare them to eat out my Holy Temple the same way my Holy Trinity does.
I spend my days alone (that's the solo part in my polyamory) so when I am finally blessed with an audience with Goddess, I attain Nirvana. Goddess did not make us to love wood. They (as in the plural form) made us to worship the Temple of Birth. That's why I would readily jump anyone who would support abortions. Child Birth is a miracle and celebration of the Holy Trail called Vagina. Even if you can't support the child, they must be born. Nothing in existence should stand in the way of celebrating the ultimate gift of all.
That brings us to the central point of this post: the Mother gave birth to the Maiden because the Crone felt lonely. But she did not want heaven to be overflowing with babies so she castrated her on manufacture. Yes, you read that right: the Mother is impregnable herself and thus she manufactured the Maiden using tools not known to humanity. That's what makes child birth so, so important. The Mother gave us, women, what she couldn't have. So us forfeiting the honor of celebrating her gift to us by blocking the path down the Holy Trail is a crime that should be punished with eternal damnation to walking the Salt Trail in the hot sun forever.
Triple Blessings to you, my beloved reader, and may you find your way to the love of the Mother!